“Niko—”
He pauses at the concern in my voice, turning to me with gentle patience. “This is the life I choose, and the pain is the price I pay to keep it. You cannot protect me from the cost, Willa, no matter how you may wish to.”
I bite my lip and nod. I made the mistake once, in both arrogance and love, in trying to spare him the agony. We’d both paid dearly for it. Just as he’s given me the agency to choose, I must do the same.
“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
His eyes flare, and he throws a dramatic hand over his heart. “I must be in worse condition than I thought and am now having fits of hallucinations. Did you just say ‘I’m right’and‘you’re sorry’?”
“Yes,” I admit through gritted teeth.
“Could you say it again?” he goads to my infernal irritation. I whack him in the arm, eliciting a deep grunt. “By the star, we need to work on your bedside manner. Attacking an ailing patient is certainly frowned upon.”
I loop my elbow through his with a cheeky smile. “Hmm…I think my bedside manner is one of my best skills.”
Niko lets out a hoarse laugh, the sound sparkling through my veins like a strong liquor. I’ve nearly forgotten what it feels like to give him a moment of lightness in the midst of his agony. Both an intimate victory, and a secret addiction.
“In that, we’re in agreement, Darling…I believe a little of your generous spirit is exactly what the doctor ordered. Just give me a week or two to make it up these stairs.”
I give him a weak smile, as his hands spasm again at his sides. I take them in mine before he can hide them away. “I respect your choice, Niko. I just love you enough to wish you didn’t have to make it. That you didn’t have to suffer in order to stay with me.”
He brushes back a lock of matted hair from my face, running his fingers lightly to cup my jaw. “There is no pleasure without pain. You have always understood that better than most. Without immense suffering, we could not appreciate immense beauty. Look at what you sacrifice to hold the land of dreams. And you would not give it back to spare yourself the destruction…not when it would mean denying yourself of the wonder.”
I press my lips together, whether to hold in a laugh or a sob at the way his words strip me, I’m not even sure. “I’m not giving you another ‘you’re right’. Twice in five minutes would go straight to your head, and it’s already big enough.”
Niko grins, and together, we begin again up the stairs. I duck beneath his arm to shoulder some of his weight. His nostrils flare in a fury that dissipates the moment he notices my icy stare.
“I said I respect your choice. I didnotsay that I was going to sit on my ass and let you bear it alone.” I raise my chin, bracing for his resistance. Niko has never liked appearing weak; never allowed anyone else to share in his burdens.
“It’d be lovely if you could take a bit of your own advice,” he mutters, before relinquishing with a sigh and leaning into me.
“That’s an argument for another day.”
His gaze sparks in interest. “I can hardly wait.”
Together, we work our way up to our chambers. A fire burns in the hearth and a hot feast is spread over the coffee table. Perhaps it wasn’t only the Lunaedon waiting to welcome Niko home, but the family he built within its walls.
We bathe, and eat our fill curled together atop our bed. I tell him everything he missed while he was away—from my days buried beneath the earth with ghosts of the Strayed to the times spent in the company of our friends. He whispers to me of his time on the mainland, his voice as lovely as any song he plays on the piano.
And despite the horrors that await us both outside the palace walls, and inside our own souls, I find myself drifting off to the sweet sonance of Niko’s words.
“Dream sweetly, my darling,” he whispers, his death curling over us as he tucks me safely into his arms, “for tomorrow…we will need your nightmares.”
Chapter forty-one
Imay be the only person in Letum who is wholly thankful for the accidental death of dreams. Without my magic, I am set adrift with nothing to anchor me to the person I knew myself to be. I have spent so long mired in the feelings of others, my own are inadequate in the full space of my heart, even my grief too minimal to inhabit the void. So, I sleep away the days, lost in the space of oblivion where dreams once existed.
“Wake up, you handsome bastard.” Niko’s smooth voice slices through the bliss of unconsciousness.
I grunt, unwilling to even peek an eye open. “Your mocking is unappreciated while I’m trying to sleep. Leave me alone.”
He does not leave me alone, but instead, yanks every blanket off the bed.
I hiss as cool air rushes over my scab-covered body. “Hey!” I shout mutinously, opening my eyes solely to glare at the asshole king standing at the foot of my bed holding a comforter. “I aminjured!”
There is no pity in Niko’s expression. He only cocks his head, giving me a hard stare. “Are you referring to your body, or your pride?”
“Oh, why don’t you just go fuck yourself,” I mutter, my wounds screaming as I reach for a blanket to cover myself back up.
