There’d been a terrifying moment when I first glimpsed the destruction of the Strayed, the sheer number of them, that I hadn’t been sure I’d see the Lunaedon again. Hadn't been sureI'd have another chance to feel the comfort of the magic threading through the palace—Niko’s magic. I haven’t felt at home anywhere since my father sold me off, but this place, with its dark allure and shadowed corners, is a comfort.
Despite the power roiling through me, exhaustion pulls heavy alongside it. A warm bath to wash the soot and ash from my skin sounds divine and curling up in Niko’s bed sounds even better.
Niko doesn’t appear to agree, as rather than heading to the stairs, he turns instead down the corridor leading to the throne room.
“I…I thought you’d want to rest.” I don’t know how much power he used before I arrived in the Grove, but judging by the carnage, it was enough to push his body to its limits.
He halts without looking at me, his shoulders rising and falling deeply, like he’s gathering what little strength remains. “I think it’s best if I sleep somewhere else tonight.”
Niko’s words feel like a surprise blow to my sternum, and I stumble like he's hit me. Anger exudes from him in variating layers, some so tangled, it’s impossible to determine the source.Is he mad I left the safety of the Lunaedon after he’d done his best to assure I wouldn’t? Is he angry I stopped him from destroying himself entirely?
Or perhaps his anger lies somewhere deeper, in the injustice of the world itself. Piled like hot coals year after year, and then left to smolder in his soul.
“You told me you wouldn’t leave me alone,” I remind him softly.
Niko drags a hand through his hair and mutters a curse under his breath, as his death spirals out suddenly like he’s lost his grip. The ribbons wind through the air, like black silk in the lantern light as they dance around my feet. For a wild moment, I hope they’ll touch me even if it hurts; that they’ll pull me to him in a way he’ll never do himself.
“I’ll send for Tiernan to come back and sit with you. He’ll be apt enough protection for the night.”
With that, he stalks down the corridor, his death streaming behind him.
“I don’t want Tiernan,” I fire back, fury surging up my throat as I chase after him.
I think it’ll burn straight through me as I careen around a corner and into the throne room. The lanterns have burned low, leaving the glow of the starlight through the giant stained-glass windows as the only source of illumination. It wreathes Niko in a soft halo—makes his skin paler and his shadows darker, as he stares out at the kingdom below him.
“Is that how this is?” I demand hotly, charging up behind him. “I do one thing to piss you off and you go back on everything you’ve promised? Is that the kind of man you are?”
Niko lets out a hoarse laugh and turns to me with a disbelieving look. “One thing, Willa?Onething to piss me off?” He shakes his head. “You’ve spent every moment since we met pissing me the fuck off!”
He grits his teeth and levels me with that onyx stare, but to my surprise, there’s no fury in it. There is only pain and self-loathing, and something oddly close to regret.
It’s enough to remind me that while my magic cost me nothing, Niko’s demands everything he has. And though he’d been cruel, he’d done it to protect me. He knows the hollow that exists after giving up pieces of yourself—the emptiness that never fully abates—and he’d tried to keep me from it. To take the burden on himself, as he always has.
Before I consider it, I take his hand, interlacing our fingers together. The cool feel of his power washes over me, and I shiver despite the warmth of the palace.
Niko jerks in surprise, narrowing his gaze in warning. But he doesn’t pull away.
“I’m sorry, Niko,” I tell him softly, giving him the words I wish someone would have given me.I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry for the way you’ve torn yourself apart and given up all the pieces to everyone else. I see the holes. I know what they cost.
“For what?” he replies, his voice low and dangerous as he drags his gaze from our interlocked fingers. “Pissing me off? Disobeying my orders?”
“You’re not my king,” I reply through gritted teeth, squeezing his hand in mine. His eyes flash furiously, as my own anger clogs my throat like a hot knot. Even as the words ring hollow in the expanse of the throne room. “And I’m notyoursto order.”
Niko’s jaw works rapidly, his eyes devouring every bit of light around him. Like he may lunge at any moment and prove just howhisI am. Instead, he says, “Well then…perhaps what you’re sorry for is nearly getting yourself captured by Dawson and damning both our worlds? Or is it for wielding a magic you have yet to grasp, and burying a myriad of poisonous souls in the sacred soil of the Grove?
For once, his words don’t spike my anger higher. Instead, they stoke a deep sadness for Niko’s isolation, and a vicious determination to not allow him another moment of it. He may be able to push everyone else away with a few well-aimed words, but most peoples’ hearts are made of soft hope and tender love. Mine is made of iron claws and barbed wire. It’ll make him bleed long before it lets go.
“I’m sorry you were gifted so much power,” I tell him steadily, stroking my thumb over his. His lashes flutter, an unbidden reaction, like the simple movement is too heavenly for him to resist. I do it again. “I wish it didn’t hurt you.”
“Don’t,” he snarls, yanking his hand back to his chest. “Taking livesshouldbe painful. Otherwise, I’d be no better than the Strayed.”
“You don’t deserve to be in pain because of one choice, Niko. One moment—”
“It was notonemoment.” His words are guttural as he takes two charged steps toward me, his inhuman gaze glinting with malice. “I have death in my hearteveryminute of every day. It has rotted my soul, turned my blood to sludge, embedded itself in my bones.”
Another step, and there is no more space between us. But I don’t cede any ground, refuse to give him an inch even as his death circles around us both.
“Death rages through me, and Pan’s end didnothingto quell it. If I could bring him back just to watch him die every day, I would. I do not forgive. I do not forget. I willalwaysburn with it.”
