There are a million things I want to say:I knew, and didn’t kill you on site. I knew and I gave myself to you anyway. I knew, and I still loved you with everything left of my rotted heart.
But all I actually say is, “Yes.”
The steel wall in her eyes crumbles instantly, like she’d been hoping she was wrong.
Her lower lip quivers, and fresh tears slide down the flushed skin of her cheeks. It no longer matters how tightly she holds herself, as I watch her chest splinter before me. Watch everything inside—the hurt, the betrayal, thelove—spill to our feet.
I step toward her, desperate to staunch the wound, to soothe the hurt. Desperate as always, to fix the damage caused by my own hand. But at her violent flinch, I freeze in place and ball my hands into fists at my side. My heartbeat is roughshod against my ribs, and for a moment, I’m not sure whether it’ll fly out of my chest, or beat itself to death.
“Why?” Her voice is soft and broken, and the sound of it pierces straight through my spine as if she’s run me through with a blade.
“Because I’ve been slated for death since the moment I became the anchor, and there was no force on earth that was going to stop it. But I coulduseit. To give you all the power you’ve ever dreamed, so that all your most beautiful imaginings would come true. To love you as well as I could in my last moments.”
I clear my throat, attempting to swallow down the building despair. “I told you there is always a cost to power, and I knew you would never accept the price of this one.”
She sucks her lip into her mouth, anchoring it with her teeth, as she watches me.
“I have only ever been an affliction on everything I care about. This kingdom, my friends, and then you. Giving myself up so that each would thrive…” I shake my head with an exhaled curse. “It seemed such a small price to pay.”
Willa’s eyes burn as she releases the hold she has on herself, and takes two charged steps toward me. “You are worth more than the pieces of yourself you can tithe.”
Shame presses down on my shoulders, heavy and consuming, and I drop my gaze, unable to bear holding hers. Not when she holds life, and I only hold death.
I want to scream; to rage; to make her understand the depths of my ruin. I was honest when I told Willa I was selfish, but she’d misunderstood what I meant. The truth is, the temptation of doing one thing goodin a lifetime of destruction,onething to lighten the burden I bear, was far too great to overcome. And when I’d met her, the temptation had only grown.
I’ve never possessed the kind of strength needed to deny myself the privilege of giving Willa everything she deserved. Of using the little I possessed to ensure she was happy and powerful andfree.
Willa hooks her fingers in my hair, dragging my gaze back to hers. Her lips shine a pretty pink beneath the sheen of tears.
“Do you hear me, Niko? I told you what I wanted.You.Your death, your cruelty, your possession. Your mercy, your kindness. You were my power. You were my freedom. I only ever wanted all of you.”
Something between a sob, and a gasp escapes me as Willa drags my mouth down to hers. Electricity sparks beneath my skin at the desperate fervor of it. Her hot tongue sliding along mine, her lush lips, ravenous and greedy.
I have sacrificed myself piece by piece since the Aeternalis’ death in hopes it would be enough. Enough to keep those I loved safe, to protect the softer things in the world that people like Dawson will always seek to destroy. I never considered that someone might want the whole of me. The realization that Willadoes,that she was willing to reimagine the lines of time, to meddle in shadows of the universe that should not be touched, crashes into me with ardency.
“I am yours, Willa… I have been since the moment we met. In pain and in pleasure. In life and in death. All of me. Endlessly.”
“I love you, Niko,” she whispers.
I devour the words, consuming them until I’m dizzy. I want to take the rest of her, bury myself inside her until there is no more space between us—until her creation and my death are entwined, the end and the beginning.
“But I never wanted a hero.”
Her deadened tone sends a spike of terror through the center of me as she pulls herself out of my arms for the second time. The absence of her physically aches, but as her skin begins to emanate an ethereal glow, I don’t move to close to the distance.
“You promised to be my villain. To never let anything take me from you.”
“Willa—” The word is both a desperate plea and a dangerous warning, as my death begins to flail around me wildly.
“You gave me up,”she cries. “To protect your precious kingdom. To protect the world. To protectme.”Her face twists in fury, in disgust, as she hurtles the words at me like blades. “You gave me up and I won’teverforgive you for it.”
Willa raises her hands, and my ribbons lurch toward her. “Willa, no—”
But my words are lost—I am lost—as Willa throws me through the wards.
Epilogue
Pain.
