My own tears pour down my cheeks, as screams echo off the high chamber ceiling and reverberate against my ears. I don’t understand they’re coming from my own mouth until Marina is at my side, taking my hands in hers, her face white with terror.
I fight against her in a blind panic, not wanting to leave Niko, even for a moment. I’m the only one who can touch him, the only one who can comfort him. Heneedsme by his side. Marina’s touch is soft but firm, as she pulls my hands away from where they’ve fisted into Niko’s shirt, and she motions to where Sam kneels down on the other side of him.
With a hiccupping sob, I let Sam work. His magic flows over Niko, relaxing each muscle in turn. Sam’s face pulls tight with pain as he absorbs as much as he can, wave after wave of agony. And though it’s enough to draw a deep groan from Sam, it isn’t enough to cease the flutter of Niko’s lashes or the grind of his teeth. As though, despite the stillness of his body, his mind still tears itself apart from the inside out.
My throat is raw, and my eyes sting, as I dare a glance at Sam. “Is he—is he going to be okay?”
The question comes out unbidden, and I almost laugh at the pure ridiculousness of it. Of course he’ll be okay. He’s the King of Carrion, all-powerful ruler of the land of dreams. He is the lord of pain and death, and there’s no way either will ever fell him.
There’s no way the universe would give him to me, only to steal him away.
Sam doesn’t meet my gaze, nor does he answer my question. He only holds his hands above Niko with a furious concentration, like the smallest deviation will cause Niko’s seizures to begin again.
An unsettled dread descends above me, starting at my scalp and trickling down my spine. “Sam!” I shout, trying desperately to hold on to my sense of reality as the world begins to spin around me.
“Sam.” Not a demand this time, but a plea.
Though time neither pauses nor races forward, it feels hauntingly similar. Like whatever tethers us all to reality has come undone, and we’re all left to grasp at the broken bonds that once held us so tightly. My anger, which has kept me so faithfully effective all these years, has disappeared. And all that’s left in its place is fear—the sharp feel of it, the acrid taste on my tongue.
“He hasn’t used his magic. He hasn’t used any power!” I’m telling Sam, but I’m also saying it to myself.He hasn’t used his power. It shouldn’t be like this. He shouldn’t be like this.
And beneath it is the worst thought of all, the one I’ve been trying desperately to stave off, lest it burn me alive. It balloons around me like a thick shroud, inundating me in its flame—this is my fault.
I know it in my bones; feel it in the way I feel the island. The balance Niko’s held for two centuries is crumbling and it’smyfault. The strain of being the anchor, the pain, the agony—it’sfinally overwhelmed him. If only I’d agreed to stay sooner; if I’d focused on mastering my power instead of cowering; if I’d just realized that every time Niko crawled beneath my skin, every time he’d pushed me until I shattered—it was because he saw something in me I’ve never been able to see in myself.
He loved me for the person I was, but also, the person he knew I could be. And I fought him at every turn.
“How do I fix this?” I demand, grabbing at my anger. Pulling it up like iron armor, until it’s impenetrable.
Sam finally meets my gaze, and I nearly snarl at what lies in the warm brown irises.Defeat.
“Willa—” he begins, but I’ve already pushed myself up to standing.
“No!” I shout, half-wild. “How do I fix this?”
Sam only shakes his head, and returns his focus to his king.
I round on Marina. She gazes up at me with a torn expression. Between pain and regret. Between what Niko would want, and what he needs. Which means whatever I have to do to fix the mess I’ve made is something terrible.
I plant my feet. I’ve spent a lifetime enduring horrible things, and then a lifetime after running from them. For Niko—the man who’s accepted the dark and the selfish, and taught me how to accept them in myself—I can endure them again.
When I told him I wanted to stop running, I hadn’t truly understood what that meant.
I understand now; understand why Niko tried to send me away. Running is easy, but staying—staying costs everything you have. Blood, sweat, sacrifice.
“Tell me.” My voice is steady now.
Marina glances at Sam. At the strain evident in his face as he tries to keep Niko comfortable at the cost of his own wellbeing. Then she begins to sign.
You have to break his tie to the island and fully become the anchor.
“Marina!” Sam scolds, but his words are drained and weak.
I narrow my eyes on the fallen pixie. “How?”
Marina’s hands hesitate midair, and her mouth presses into a thin line like she’s already said too much.
“Marina, if there’s a way to save him, you need to tell me—” My voice breaks. “—I won’t…Ican’tlose him.”
