And right now, he hates himself entirely for telling me to leave, but I hate him more. For being selfless, for giving me up when he promised he wouldn’t. My hatred is a flash of heat, of acid, that sizzles and explodes as it meets the starlight flowing through me.
Niko’s eyes narrow on me, so black that the light of the second star is entirely lost within them. “GoWilla. I won’t keep you in a cage.”
I hate him so much I think I’ll combust. For knowing my heart so well; forseeingme in a way no one else ever has. In a way I haven’t been able to see myself. Niko knows how the thought of being trapped makes my skin itch and my mind ache. He believes he’s giving me what I want, and he’s sacrificing himself and his kingdom to do it.
I can’t decide if it makes him the villain or the hero. I only know he’s right.
Freedom is all I’ve wanted for so long. But on top of this tower in the land of dreams with starlight pouring through my veins, staring at this lethally beautiful man—I can’t remember why.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” I spit venomously, stalking toward him. “An idiot with a hero complex!” His eyes flare as I shove him roughly, and he rocks back into the stone of the palace wall. “And if that’s who you’re going to be, then Iwillleave.”
“Good!” he shouts back, his eyes wild as his death finally unfreezes to spear out around us both, violent dark slashes against the glow of the sky. “Go!”
I shove him again. “Tell me who you are, Niko—who youreallyare. Are you the King of Carrion who takes what he wants without remorse? Or are you some simpering savior who’s going to give me up because you think it’s what I want?”
Niko’s jaw tightens and his eyes flash with that mad obsession. The one I revel in, that consumes me in its darkness. “Don’t you see? That’s exactly what you’ll be if you stay! You are already their star, and it won’t be long before they turn you into theirqueen, Willa. They’ll turn you into their savior, their god…and you willneverbe able to escape it.”
“I don’twantto escape it!”
The words are half-shout, half-sob, and wholly wild. But I don’t take them back as I stare at Niko. I don’t take them back as I let go of the star’s power, as I let it drain from my veins. Niko swallows roughly, as my skin returns to its normal olive-toned hue; as the shimmer recedes back up into the sky.
“I have run for so long, Niko, and I’m…I’m tired.” Hot tears well in my eyes, and I hate those, too. “I’ve been running away from anything that could touch me, tie me down, because I feared what it would cost. But here with you, my fear has been replaced by power.”
I clear my throat, swiping irritably at the wetness on my cheek. Niko’s indifference, his hardness, has given way to agony.
“Letum has made me realize—youhave made me realize—that freedom isn’t some unreachable horizon. It’s being somewhere you’reknown.Being with someone who sees you entirely, every horrible part, and doesn’t shy away from it.Thatis true freedom, Niko. And it’s what I want. Even if I have to sacrifice to keep it.”
Niko’s own tear falls, as he opens his mouth to argue, but I don’t let him get the words out.
“It’s okay. I can be their savior—I can savebothour worlds. I’m not scared to do it anymore.”
“Willa, you shouldn’t have to—”
I step forward, framing his face with my hands, the roughness of his stubble scraping the tender skin of my palms. “It’s different this time.”
“It’s not,” he insists, half-heartedly trying to brush my hands away. To avert his gaze from mine.
“It is,” I reply fiercely. “Because this time, I haveyou.”
Niko’s gaze snaps back to mine, fervidly searching my face.
“I can be the hero so long as I have you as my villain.”
A line appears between his eyebrows, and I swear, he stops breathing entirely as I continue, “I don’t want you to send me away to protect me. I want you to be exactly what you are…cruel and selfish and obsessive. You won’t ever let me sacrifice all of myself for this kingdom, because you won’t let anyone have what is yours.”
I run my fingers gently from his cheek, down his throat and over his collarbones. I trace the miniscule words, the sprawling stories of his heart.
“Tell me right now what kind of man you truly are, Niko. One that gives up everything because he’s trying to be good? Or one that will burn the world if it means keeping what’s his?”
His lashes flutter as he sucks in a shaky breath. “I’m holding on by a thread here, Willa. This is your last chance to escape me. To leave me unscathed.”
I smirk and rise up to my tiptoes to trail a whisper over his lips. “I’ve spent my entire life in unscathed skin. Ruin me, Niko.”
His answering look is terrifying—cutting and lethal—and I shiver with pleasure beneath it. His next words are a dangerous chant, a deadly invocation.
“If you stay, I will lie and kill.” His vow is a hot caress over my throat. “Hurt and maim, trick and scheme, to keep you with me until the end of my days. I will sacrifice all morals, betray all honor, to keep you in your power. You are my only altar, my only religion. I pray to you, Willa, and you alone.” The space between us pulls tight with tension as he breathes the next words. “Is that truly what you want?”
It’s my last chance. To keep hold of my freedom, my fear, my self-reliance—the things that have kept me alive for so long. Staying means allowing the ghosts of my past to catch up, to face the fears I’ve so studiously avoided. Fear that I won’t be enough for any of it.
