“I’m still not sure. Failure wasn’t an option, so I didn’t let myself consider what would happen if it didn’t work. When I set the explosives, I knew it was my last chance to find Denver. And somehow, it just did.”
“And when you found me?”
“When I first saw you running, I really was just trying to save you from the hunters. I’ve seen what their kind does to young Similians, and I was just trying to keep you from being sold off to some warlord. It wasn’t until you opened your eyes the next day that I realized what had stumbled into my hands. It was like every prayer had been answered and the earth had given me exactly who I needed to destroy.”
Anger burns in my stomach like acid. It is everything I already knew, but hearing it from Shaw’s mouth reopens the wound. I unintentionally grip the dagger until my fingers turn white.
“Are you going to do it, Lemming?”
My eyes widen at his implication. He will make no move to stop me. I can slit his throat and he will bleed out without so much as a fight. Tears spring to my eyes, hot with rage and desperation and something else that feels too wild.
“I deserve it. I will only bring you destruction.”
The Darkness will change you.As hesitant as I’ve been to admit it, Shaw has already changed me. He tore down the walls of timidity and rebuilt them in confidence and power. Shaw may very well destroy me, but destruction doesn’t have to be the end. A forest ravaged by a wildfire grows again as something different. Something renewed. It’s my choice whether to rebuild as something stronger.
His eyes flash as I climb on top of him, my legs straddling his bare chest. I press the dagger further into his throat. He has been stripped of the calloused mask of the assassin, now completely vulnerable as I stare down at him through my tears. I wonder how many he’s allowed to see him this way, unarmed and entirely bare.
I wipe at my eyes with my free hand and grit my teeth. “There will be no more lies. I will have you unmasked,” I press the blade until a tiny spot of blood wells at its tip, “bare,” Shaw presses his eyes closed as if he can’t bear the word on my lips, “or I will not have you at all.”
His eyes fly open at the words, at their implied mercy and the ownership within them. His ice blue irises conflagrate from an ember to an open flame, hungry and consuming. For a moment, I stiffen, waiting for him to disarm me, to pin me to the mattress beneath him and take back his control—uncertain if I’d try to stop him or if I’d revel in the domination—but he leashes himself. Hands pinned beneath my thighs, Anrai Shaw nods his assent.
“I am bared,” he says reverently, “only to you.”
I let the dagger fall gently to the mattress. A pinprick of blood wells at his throat and I’m both horrified and satiated to have been the one who put it there. Shaw’s eyes don’t leave mine as I reach out and wipe it away with my fingertip. He holds himself completely still, his way of yielding to me. He won’t move unless I ask him to, won’t do anything unless I will it. The same way he gave me his name, he now gives me power over his being.
I am prey no longer. The predator now bows to his equal.
I run my finger along his jaw, feeling slightly untethered. My bare thighs tighten around his waist to keep upright, and I feel, more than hear, his breath catch. Hunger, bright and hot, burns in Shaw’s eyes and this time, I recognize it for what it is:desire.At once, I understand why its expression is against the Keys, for surely something so intoxicating cannot be controlled. It is a different sort of power than what rolled through my veins last night, but it is no less demanding. I drink it like cherry wine, heady and all consuming. Like a twin flame, the same hunger pools deep in my belly.
My eyes rove to Shaw’s lips. They part under the heat of my gaze and his pupils blow wide as he realizes, perhaps for the first time, that it is not only power that thrums through me—it is alsowant.
I’ve spent my whole life wanting, but never having; things danced from my reach for so long that my heart aches for things yet undiscovered. There’s always been Easton to think of, or the Community beyond, never just myself. What if I reach out and take something, just for me? Selfishly call something mine for just a moment?
I’ve never been given a choice in anything, always commanded, or pulled, or swept away. But now, choice sprawls before me like a rushing river, mine to navigate. Mine to take.
So, I do.
I lean down and press my lips to Shaw’s. His mouth is warm and gentle against mine and I can feel the effort of his restraint as he allows me to explore. Tentatively at first, much like that first brush of our lips at the cliff pond. I savor the way his breath becomes mine and sparks build beneath my skin as his arms come around me. He runs his fingers down my back, delicious shivers erupting in their wake; over the curve of my hips and back up until he cradles my face between his hands.
I press closer, the ties of my robe straining as I spread my body over his. I plunge into the most primal parts of myself like they are a raging river. I need to be closer, close enough that his fire melds with whatever crashes inside me now, until we are a storm, powerful and electric.
His hands tremble, achingly gentle. But I don’t want gentle. I want every piece that he holds back, every bit of him for my own. I run my tongue over his bottom lip, and he opens for me with a groan.I am bared. Only to you.
The action unleashes Shaw, the last of his restraint crumbling as a low growl sounds in the back of his throat. I steal it, drink it in and take it for my own. His large palm spreads across the small of my back and his hips grind into mine. I moan as his tongue makes a possessive sweep across my mouth and he spears fingers into my hair. He pulls gently, the tiny licks of pain mingling with the pleasure of his tongue, until I feel as though I will come out of my own skin.
Shaw sits up and I wrap my legs around him. His hands cup my bottom, and his fingertips dig into my flesh, needy and wanting. He’s always treated me like I can match whatever he gives me, and I do so now, gripping his shoulders and tangling my tongue with his. He believes I won’t break and so I become unbreakable. Waves crest and crash within me and I revel in the feel of him, the current of us.
Mine.
The word echoes like a chime in the wind and I find I want it desperately. In Similis, nothing is ever really ours. But right now, this beautiful Dark World man with his shattered soul and his loyal heart, can be mine. And in this moment, it feels like enough.
I thread my fingers through his thick hair, and it is every bit as luxurious as I first imagined it to be.
“Mirren,” he whispers against my lips, before sweeping his tongue across my mouth. His calloused hands slip beneath the opening of my robe, and I cry out at the friction on the sensitive skin between my breasts. Pressure builds within me, and I grind my hips, needing more, needing everything. “Ohgods,”he groans, “I am bare, I am bare,” he murmurs against my throat, nipping and licking the sensitive skin.
The words rise up within me and freeze me in place. Tears spring to my eyes. I pull away from him and roll to the other side of the bed, even as my body cries out at the absence. By the Covinus, what is the matter with me?
I demanded bravery and truth between us. I took it from him, soaking in the way he revealed himself to me and giving him nothing in return. I am no better than the warlords that ravage the lands, taking everything. Because though Shaw removed his mask and trusted me with his vulnerability, mine is still firmly in place.
