I drop his hand and turn back toward the cave.
* * *
An absurd part of me hesitates as we prepare to leave. The morning sun has risen, and the sky is clear behind the snow-capped mountains that linger before us. The cave was a shelter not only from the dangers of the outside world, but also from the danger of ourselves. When we leave, the comfortable understanding we came to will be exposed to the open air, molding it into something different.
Be brave, Mirren.
“Good morning, my little hummingbird,” I coo at the sleek mare, offering up a few blossoms I picked from the mountainside. She nudges me appreciatively, her silky lips brushing against my palm and curling around the flowers.
Shaw cocks an eyebrow as he secures the last of our supplies to the horse’s back. We pilfered what we could from the cave wall, what hadn’t been ravaged by time. It isn’t much, but it’s a good deal more than we had when we got here. “Hummingbird?” he asks skeptically. He tugs on his knots, testing their security.
I shrug, petting her nose gently as she munches. “She flits over the ground so fast, it’s impossible to see her feet. Like a hummingbird and its wings.”
“I cannot possibly ride a horse named Hummingbird,” he scoffs.
“Well, I can’t possibly ride an unnamed horse. What would you call her, then?”
Shaw answers immediately. “Dahiitii.”
I twist my lips derisively, not caring to admit the name has a certain ring to it. “And I suppose that means something tragically brutal, does it? Something ridiculous like ‘flight of death’ or ‘blood thunder’?”
Shaw wraps his fingers around my waist and my chest flutters as he sets me on Dahiitii with a smile. The one that reveals the hidden dimple on his cheek. “Of course not. It means Hummingbird.”
I shift primly in the saddle, secretly pleased. Shaw takes hold of Dahiitii’s reins and begins down the rocky path. He moves carefully, his feet soundless. Words have teetered at the edge of my mouth since last night, when he was raw and angry, but I’ve yet to find the right time to say them. It isn’t something that comes easily to me, admitting I was wrong. Admitting I needed help. But in light of what we’ve been through, of what Shaw has done for me and what he’s promised to do in the future, I can swallow my pride, if only for a moment.
“I never said thank you.”
“For what?” he replies absently, not bothering to look back. His eyes scan the trees in that restless way of his. As if the forest itself will attack us at any moment. I no longer find the idea is as outlandish as I once did.
“For saving my life.”
His shoulders sag slightly, but he doesn’t break stride. “There isn’t anything to thank me for.”
I glare at his back. I should have expected he wouldn’t make this easy for me. “I mean, I know I was in the camp in the first place because I was escaping you. But you didn’t have to come back. And you did. Thank you.”
Shaw stops so abruptly that he startles both Dahiitii and me. He whips around, his eyes flashing. “Don’t look at me like that,” he barks. His voice is acidic.
I steel myself. We’ve barely made it ten strides from the cave and already, the solid ground between us is in upheaval, fracturing and colliding on the waves of his ever-changing moods. “Like what?” I shout in bewilderment.
“Like I’m some sort of hero,” he glares at me as if I’ve lobbed the worst insult imaginable at him. My surprise quickly dissolves into irritation.
“I most certainly didn’t call you a hero,” I inform him pointedly, now glowering back at him. He is always so quick to crawl under my skin and raise the prickliest parts of myself. Parts with no patience, that are better left to the shadows. “But you saved me nonetheless.”
He breathes out of his nostrils loudly. “Stop it! I told you last night don’t try to see the good in me, Lemming. I was born in the Darkness, and I am the Darkness. And you were well on your way to Shivhai’s needle when I arrived. Had I given you a few more minutes, you wouldn’t have needed me at all.”
“If you’d given me a few more minutes, Shivhai would have raped and murdered me!”
Shaw shakes his head angrily. “Youfreed those slaves, andyouare the one who stopped Shivhai. You are clever and quick, and you needno oneto save you,” he growls the words so aggressively that it takes me a moment to realize it’s a compliment. Or at least, as close to one as Shaw has ever come. “You can save yourself. Anyone that tells you differently is only trying to hurt you.”
I stare at him dumbly, unsure whether to be angry or flattered. I decide to be both. “Why do you have to turn everything into an argument? Can’t you just say ‘you’re welcome’? You saved me, you pigheaded bastard, and I’m going to thank you for it whether you like it or not.”
Shaw’s mouth twists as if he can’t decide whether to laugh or lash out. Instead, he whips back around with a muttered curse and tugs on Dahiitii’s reins. In a moment, we’re moving once more.
I stare daggers into Shaw’s back, hoping he can feel every one burning into him. He’d deserve it with the way he insists on throwing my kindness back in my face like it’s an abominable weakness. “Where are we going?” I bite out as we reach the bottom of the ravine. “Are we meeting Max and Calloway?”
The mention of his friends tightens something in his jaw. “No. We’re too far off track to meet them in Havay now. We’ll just have to hope they don’t wait for us.”
The trees clear and the path grows wider. Shaw swings himself up behind me, moving as if he was never injured. He tucks me in close to his chest, arranging his arms around me as he untangles the reins. He smells wild and I pray he doesn’t notice the way my face flushes as so many parts of him brush so many parts of mine. His legs tighten against my thighs and my heart flutters frenetically. If we ride like this all day, I’ve the absurd notion that it will flutter right out of my chest.
