His mouth parts in horror as does Ealdorman Rufus’s, who is listening to every word.
“My ways may not be conventional, but they’ve not failed me. I have sacrificed everything for Northumbria, and I will not allow a man to control me. Now or ever.
“I know I have tested men just like you with my progressive thinking. But England is better for it. We are the strongest we have ever been as we are now united. We work together, not against, and that is why we are undefeated.
“So this alliance with East Frankia will not materialize. I am sorry that you came all this way for nothing. But I must decline Prince Ludwig’s offer. You may lodge here for the evening, but come morning, I expect you and your men to be gone.
“Hale be thou, Lord Gunter. Go thy way.”
I stand, leaving the men with their gaping mouths as they clearly were not expecting this response. But Lord Gunter should be thankful he is leaving Northumbria with his head.
My ladies-in-waiting follow as the court bows for their queen. But I cannot appreciate their servitude as I am livid.
“Huglausi bacraut,” I curse in Norse under my breath. It’s out before I can stop myself.
“My Queen!” gasps Lady Bella. “Please do not anger yourself this way.”
I know she means don’t lash out and allow my court to hear me speak in a language which would have me hanged for heresy—queen or not. It’s one thing to accept Daneland, but another to bring Daneland within these palace walls.
“I will ask for God’s forgiveness in prayer. Leave me.”
My three ladies look amongst themselves, unsure what to do. I shouldn’t be left alone in this state because trouble looms. But I need the silence to regroup.
“Please check on my sons. I will retire soon.”
Eventually, they concede, but I know if I’m gone too long, they will seek me out.
I do as I suggested and enter the small chapel, which my mother spent a lot of time in when I was a child. I thought she was doing so to honor our God, but I now know it was to be alone and find peace not within the Lord, but peace within herself.
The chapel is simple, as I requested the ostentatious relics to be donated to the monastery. They have better use for it. I walk down the narrow aisle and come to kneel in the first pew. Interlacing my hands, I peer at the large wooden crucifix behind the white altar and say my prayers.
However, my prayers are not that most would speak because they are not filled with penance or love.
“I hate you,” I whisper, glaring at the sign of salvation. “You have done nothing but take from me. Now you punish my son? I have been your faithful servant, and this is my reward? How can you be merciful when you allow me to suffer this way?”
I wear a gold crucifix around my neck for all to see. But beneath my bodice, I wear the relic that holds more meaning to me than this Christian God. Reaching beneath the high collar of my gown, I cradle the Mjolnir pendant. I have never taken the necklace off.
It has always given me peace.
“Oh, my Queen, forgive me. I did not know you were here.”
I do not recognize this voice. And when I turn over my shoulder, I also do not recognize the face of a young man who must fight for Prince Ludwig.
When he attempts to leave, I quickly stand. “What is your name?”
“My name, my Queen?”
I am not his queen, but the fact that he calls me it has me wondering why.
When he sees I am waiting, he wets his full lips. “I am Jethro. Prince Ludwig sent me to protect Lord Gunter.”
“It seems the Lord does need protecting.”
Jethro attempts to conceal his smile, but I cannot deny that he is handsome. He is tall with long blond hair and eyes the color of the sky. I think of the blond hair of another, of a man who also has my heart.
Ulf the Bloody.
My heart aches once more for all the things I want but cannot have.
