I hated to admit it, but I was starting to get attached to Mahogany. But wasn’t I already? Before today? Before the other night? Losing her as head designer over The House of Nova Ray fucked with me so much that I was having a hard time working with someone else. I’d say I was pretty fuckin’ attached. I didn’t give a fuck like that before. She had me tripping. More now than ever, with the feeling of her heart beating against my chest, and her warm breath against my skin. I could get used to this. Wrong way to be thinking about another nigga’s wife, but it was what it was. That was something I didn’t give a fuck about.
Lately though, it’s been on my mind. Only because I felt like she’d flip at any given minute, and I didn’t want that. Didn’t want to go back to thinking about her crazy, not being able to bust a nut without the thought of her. I was fucking up. I had fucked up. Had gotten attached to another niggas woman. Someone who had one foot in her marriage and one foot out. I didn’t know shit, but I knew that. If she didn’t have one foot out, she wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t’ve sucked my dick with as much passion as she sucked it with. Wouldn’t have rode my dick like it was the best piece of meat she’d ever rode neither. I knew she had one foot out before I even stuck dick to her though. It wasn’t that one foot out that had me thinking. It was that one foot in.
“You thinking,” she said.
“That’s what people do—think,” I said, caressing her ass cheeks.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked, looking at me.
I gripped her ass. “You.”
She twisted her lips up. ”Mmhmm."
“Dead ass."
“I’m not supposed to be here,” she said through a sigh, putting a piece of hair behind her ear.
“Yes, you are. If you weren’t supposed to be here, you wouldn’t be.”
“Touché,” she replied. “Still.”
“I guess I wasn’t the only one thinking,” I said, as I brushed my thumb over her cheek.
“I guess you weren’t.”
“Where would you rather be?”
She was quiet for a moment before saying, “Here.”
“Well,” I brushed my thumb over her cheek. “You’re where you’re supposed to be. Pretty ass.”
She blushed and looked away before laying back down. “I can’t get used to this.”
“Why?” I asked.
She took a deep breath and shrugged. “I just can’t.”
“Because you’re married?—“
“No… it’s not that,” she paused. “I don’t care about that anymore.”
“What changed?”
Sighing, she tossed her leg over mine and said, “A lot changed.”
A lot changed. She was vague. She wasalwaysvague. Didn’t reveal too much about her life or her marriage. I could tell she didn’t want to talk about it, so I left it at that. Not only because she didn’t want to talk about it but because I didn’t either. While we were together, I didn’t want the other side of her life to exist.
“If it’s not that, then what?”
She shrugged. “I just can’t.”
Mahogany was a layered woman.
“Is it that you can’t, or you don’t want to?” I asked, softly caressing her soft skin.
She sighed. “I can’t. I want to… just… can’t.”
I said I didn’t want to talk about it. Said I didn’t want the other side of her life to exist when we were together, but the truth of it was, it would always matter because it would always be there. Regardless of how much I tried to ignore the nigga and what she had going on outside of me, it was there. And sometimes the shit taunted me. Like when I was with ol’ girl. Like when I was alone with my thoughts, wanting her, wishing she could be near. Like last night. Like earlier when I told her to come here. Did I expect her to come? Hell naw. I expected her to hit me with some ‘we can’t do that anymore’ type shit and for her to be pissed about it. Expecting that type of shit told me I cared. Cared a little too fuckin’ much, to be honest. Had nothing to do with jealousy though. I wasn’t that. I was possessive when it came to the things I wanted, and I couldn’t possess her.
