Swallowing, I sucked in a deep breath. “Si. It’s… today is Aubry’s birthday and?—
“And it’s going to be perfect,” she finished. “What do you need?”
I needed it to be fixed.
I needed to pick up the pieces of my broken heart to put it back together again.
What I needed for real, she couldn’t help me with.
Instead, I just told her I needed something stronger than water. Because I had shit to do, a couple of mimosas would have to suffice.
She finally let me be. Stopped asking questions she knew the answer to and helped me get the day started.
After checkingin with the planners, and running a few last-minute errands, it was back to the house and reality for me. Spending time with my sisters while I was buried in bullshit wasa little refreshing. Hazel was a nice distraction. She rambled on and on about her girlfriend, Tuesdai, the majority of the time. The majority of it was spent in a fog, with me heavy in my head. A couple of times, Sienna had to nudge me a little just to bring me back to the present.
Today would be the hardest day of my life. Earlier, I picked up the pieces and glued them together with what I always had to glue them with. That strength I begged God for. It came. Being strong was hard. Very hard. But… I did what I had to do. Reach. Dig. Claw. For resilience. For me. I dug deep, under layers and layers of sadness, heartbreak, misery, pain and shame. Embarrassment too. I had to dig deeper than ever. But I found her.
Before I knew it, it was three o’clock and Duke was getting ready to walk in the door. I sat on the couch, fingers intertwined, hands resting in my lap, waiting. I didn’t know how I’d react to seeing him. Didn’t know if I would mention Justin. Didn’t know if I would mention Diary. Just knew I’d be facing him soon and all of the emotions I’d felt all day would for sure spill the minute I saw him.
I didn’t have much time though.
I had to leave to get Honesty, Spark, and Gabe in about twenty. And right after that, Aubry would be walking in. I asked myself if I’d be able to hold it down until tomorrow. I told myself to. Told myself there was nothing to hold down. Really, truly, tried to convince myself that nothing happened this morning. But there wasn’t enough convincing in the world that would erase what happened. Regardless of all of the efforts I made, this morning sat at the forefront of my mind, taunting me.
When I heard the buttons on the keypad, I sighed, and my heart raced. Right after, I heard him walk in. Sitting up, I grabbed my glass of water and sipped from it. About an hour orso ago, I traded the mimosas in for a couple of glasses of water to mellow me out.
Duke walked in right after I sat the glass down. His eyes went there first before landing on me.
“What up, baby?” He spoke, approaching.
And then… something click.
I didn’t want to mention it.
I wouldn’t mention it. I decided… hmm.. I’d wait. Wait for him to tell me. Wait and see how long it would be before he was honest with me. Wait to see how long he’d play both sides. I wanted to see how long it would take before he broke. Before he made a mistake so grave that he was forced to tell me.
And while waiting, I’d play too.
The long game.
We could both do this. However, I’d be better. I was better. I had been better. I cheated on Duke countless times, and he hadn’t found out about it at all. He wouldn’t. Men were stupid. He was stupid.
All of a sudden I wasn’t sad anymore.
All of a sudden, sadness had flipped to a seething anger. Anger I’d keep tucked under yet another mask. I had to. For the sake of waiting. For the sake of sanity. My marriage was over, but I wasn’t quite ready for it to end. I wanted Duke to suffer. I wanted to suck a few more dicks, swallow a couple more loads of cum just to come home and tongue him down after. I wanted him to taste the remnants of another man’s semen on my tongue. Wanted him to suck it off. Wanted to sit my pussy on his face after its been handled by a couple of dicks. I wanted him to suffer. Not only in that way but I planned to be really nice to him. Planned to be the dotting wife he wanted me to be. Just to rip it away.
“Hey babe,” I said with a smile, sitting the glass on the table to stand. “How was work?”
When I stood, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. It was hard. Being pressed against his body, wanting to punch him in his shit. It was hard, pretending everything was okay when I was severely heartbroken. But I did it because what I had in store for Ducati Morris would hurt him ten times worse. Andthat… he deserved.
“Bullshit as usual,” he said, with his face in the side of my neck, his voice slightly muffled. “You get everything done?”
“You know it,” I said, cringing a bit, pulling away from the hug. “What time is it? I think I’m going to go grab the kids early to avoid that drop-off line.”
I lied.
The time I usually left avoided the drop-off line. I just needed to leave earlier to get away from him. Like… I literallyneededto leave. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do what I sat out to do. I was too emotional. What happened was too fresh. But then I remembered… today wasn’t about him. It wasn’t even about me. Today was about Aubry and if there was anybody I would hold it all together for, it was her. I could do it. I just… I couldn’t spend too much time with Duke. Not today. I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring but I knew one thing for sure… I couldn’t mention it. I wouldn’t mention it. I wanted to see how long he’d lie to me. It’d been about three years already. I didn’t have years in me. Just… maybe… weeks. I didn’t know what I was doing but what I did know was that I had to leave the house. Either before the levee broke and I cried, or before I went in his shit. Like… literally busted him in his face. I wanted to spit on him. Wanted to kick him so hard in his nuts that his dick would never get hard again. But I couldn’t do either of those things. So, I grabbed my phone and my purse and headed for the front door.
Hours later,we were heading to the venue. Spark and Hazel were in the backseat arguing. Gabe had his phone up too loud and Aubry was in her car, behind us, trailing. I sat in the passenger side, aimlessly scrolling my Facebook feed, distracting myself from everything going on around me. Trying to distract myself from everything going on inside of me too. But my anxiety was high and when my anxiety was high, my knee bounced. And when my knee bounced, Duke rested his hand there to calm me. Today it didn’t help because he was the reason for the bouncing.
