“Mmm.” She paused. “You need to find out. That girl stared across the room at you all night at the party. She miss you. And I know you miss her too.”
I drew back. “What? YouknowI miss her too? Yeah, okay. Why you think that?”
“You missin’ something. Might not be Reign but you ain’t moved on since. Something lacking. And if it’s love you lacking it’s her that needs to make up for that. Listen… I mind my ownbusiness right. You know that. But y’all ended at a very bad time in y’all lives. Stuff like that rip families a part but sometimes it’s not meant to do that. Sometimes, it’s meant to bring y’all closer together. We miss that part a lot though by letting our egos and depression get in the way of God’s plan.”
Nova’s death should have brought Reign and I closer together. Probably would have, had she not passed away the way that she did. I couldn’t move past it. What moms said might’ve made sense or had some validity to it had Nova passed away another way. Had she been sick or something like that. But nah, she got hurt in Reign’s care. How was I supposed to see past that? How was that supposed to bring us closer? Yeah, mistakes happen. And I’m human. Human with human emotions, feelings, and heart ache. I didn’t mistreat Reign or flat out come out and say it was her fault. It was just hard for me to actually draw closer to her, knowing what I knew.
“I hear you,” I dismissed. “You stay watching these stories. Been on them since?—
“You can try to ignore me all you want, boy,” she interrupted. “But I guarantee you… when the Lord calls me home, she’s going to be by your side. Regardless of whether you want her there or not… you’re going to need her. Because they… them siblings and that father of yours… they gon’ forget about you. Not because they don’t love you but because you’re Crescent. The strong one. The one with all the answers. And they ain’t gon see you hurting like I see you hurtin.” She paused. “I see it. Saw it then… see it now. I’m your mother and you can’t hide from me. You don’t need to be here doing nothin. He got help. Luna ain’t hire that expensive lawyer for nothin.”
She switched the TV channel to another story, took a deep breath, and gestured for me to come over. I did. I sat down, rested my head on my ma’s shoulder and watched TV with her without uttering another word.
After kicking it with moms for about thirty minutes, I headed downstairs for the reason I pulled up in the first place. To talk to Pops. Was I ready to? Fuck no. I would never be in the mood to talk about my mother’s declining health and funeral arrangements.
When I got downstairs, I followed the sound of the TV to the living room where Pops was watching basketball highlights.
“What’s up, son?” Pops spoke before pulling from his cigar. A cigar he only had fired up in the crib because moms was upstairs away from the smell. Otherwise, he’d be out back with it. Moms hated the smell of cigar smoke.
“What up Pops,” I spoke before slapping hands with him, sitting beside him.
“What she up there doing? Sleep?”
With my mouth turned down, I shook my head. “Up. Watching her stories.”
With raised brows, he grunted. “Mmmh.” Pausing he added, “Well shit. That’s good.”
Because I knew my Pops, I knew that he’d been down in the living room, away from the room all day. Seeing moms like that was hard on all of us, but harder on him the most. She might’ve been up, watching her stories but still… something was missing. Niecy was missing. The essence of her. Seeing her like that, unlike herself, head wrapped in a scarf with dark bags underneath her tired eyes was heartbreaking as hell for me. I could only imagine how it was for him. Regardless of how it was, though, Pops did a good ass job keeping shit under control. He might’ve stayed out of the room, but he kept his head screwed on right and did everything necessary to make sure she was comfortable.
“Yeah… she seem alright.”
“Seem,” he stated, before taking another pull. “She ain’t. She was throwing up all night last night. Complaining about hermouth. I took a look at it—it’s damn near raw. That chemo fucking my baby up. Y’all said the natural shit was supposed to help. Don’t seem like nothin’ helping. Shit getting worse.”
“That’s what’s supposed to happen,” I mumbled. “None of that shit is a permanent fix, Pops. You know this.”
He didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds before saying, “I don’t know shit, son. I don’t know a got damn thing. Knowing… that was her department.”
My pops wasn’t the smartest when it came to books. Moms was the best when it came to that. She might have grown up in the hood and was even a product of her environment, but that didn’t stop her from keeping her head in the books. That was why so many people looked to Niecy. That was why she was the glue. On both sides. She was smart as hell. Any time anybody had a problem, they called on Niecy. Now, when it came to street shit, they called on Moon. He excelled there. In the streets. Was a hustler by nature. Could sell water to a fuckin’ whale.
“I’m thinking the shit supposed to be some type of magic, fix all. Turns out…” He shook his head and looked off.
I could see that.
Why he thought moms going holistic would reverse things. Could see why he thought chemo would cure her too. It was all a dream. All that shit did was buy us a little time. Nah, I couldn’t be ungrateful—it bought us a lot of time. Got her to another birthday where she reached a milestone not even her own mother hit and everything. Shit was bittersweet. I hated it. The one thing about this shit I couldn’t fully wrap my mind around was loving and losing. Loved my baby girl with everything in me… lost her. My momma… she was my girl. Was losing her too. Death was the only thing promised out this bitch.
“Fuck am I supposed to do without yo’ momma, nigga?”
“Fuck is any of us gon’ do without her?” I responded.
He didn’t say anything. Rested against the back of the couch, pulling from his cigar, funking the furniture up. And I sat there, eyes on the TV screen watching basketball highlights I didn’t give a fuck about.
10
MAHOGANY
I ignoreda call from Hazel and stuffed the phone back into my pocket. I didn’t want to talk to her. I hadn’t spoken to either of my sister in days. The last time I talked to Sienna, it was to use her for an alibi for Pandora’s. I avoided my parents, too. They called. I sent them text messages. I just… I wasn’t in the mood to talk to any of them. I was tired of pretending and I didn’t want to be seen the way I was either. So, it was easier for me to hide and avoid them.
About two minutes later, there was a knock at my bedroom door.
