“I can see her up, Alvin. It’s cool.”
“You sure?” Alvin asked, averting his eyes from me to Judah. “Mr. Carter said?—“
“Yes, I’m sure. Is that okay with you, Mahogany?” Judah interrupted.
Was it okay with me? Could I share an elevator with Judah? Alone? I could. I could do that. I would do that. I would be okay with that. Simply because I didn’t want him to know I was as bothered as I was. I didn’t want my mask to slip. The one I put on earlier. The one doused in confidence and ‘bad bitch’.
“Sure, that’s not a problem. Thank you Alvin.”
Alvin walked off and Judah and I were left alone, standing at the elevator, waiting for it to come down.
“You look good today,” Judah complimented.
“I look goodevery day,” I countered, forcing confidence.
He looked down at me. “You didn’t the other night.”
That stung.
“Well…”
“No offense. You were beautiful… of course but?—“
“We don’t talk about that here. We don’t talk about that…ever.”
“We’re not talking aboutthat,” Judah corrected. “We’re talking aboutyou.”
The elevator doors opened, and he let me step on first. “I was worried about you.”
I huffed. “Yeah, sure.”
“In all of the years that we’ve known each other… do you know me? How have I treated you? What have I given you? Haven’t I been attentive? Tender. Caring. Present? You think that’s limited to sex only?”
I looked over at him and then back at the illuminating numbers on the elevator, watching as we ascended. “This is… it’s highly inappropriate and I don’t want to talk about the other night. The other night I was?—”
“Sad. You were sad.”
“What I was, is none of your business, Ju,” I stressed. “I—this isn’t going to work. Thisis notgoing to work,” I repeated, shaking my head. “You—did you tell?—“
“Didn’t I tell you I took the NDA serious? Shit, I don’t need an NDA to keep my mouth shut. I’m not some lil’ ass boy that runs around telling niggas my business. Damn, Mahogany. You act like you don’t know me at all.”
“Well,” I paused. “I don’t. Not in this context.”
“Same nigga, different setting.”
I was worried. If it came up… if I came up… like that, I would be devastated.
“You trust me?” He added.
“Absolutely not,” I said with a condescending laugh. “You are a man after all.”
Judah stared at me for a second before shaking his head. “Damn shame.”
“What?”
“Whatever he did to you. It’s a shame. I hate these niggas. That’s why I do what I do.”
I would have asked him what it was that he did but I didn’t have to. Judah preyed on women. Not in a creepy way, but hedid. Before we got together, I watched him watch them. Women. Studying them. He studied me. I watched him watch me too. Judah didn’t immediately approach me. He waited. I often wondered why but after getting with him and watching him do the same thing with other women, I got it. He was looking for the sad ones. The ones that stuck out like a sore thumb. And not in a sexy way. In a vulnerable, timid way. The way I was.
