I laughed. “I’m not. I just gotta get up early as hell.”
I did have to get up early as hell. So that wasn’t a lie. I was trying to get rid of her ass though. Daija liked to linger and I wasn’t in the mood for lingering.
I was disappointed. Not because she didn’t do her job, but because it couldn’t be done without the thought ofher. That wasn’t Daija’s fault—it was mine. Mahogany had imprinted on me in a way that no one ever had. Not even Reign. When I found myself emotionally stable enough to fuck with somebody, I did that with ease. Reign didn’t sit at the front of my mind. She didn’t sit anywhere in it. But Mahogany? Mahogany was present and I hated that shit. Had only had her once and I couldn’t stop thinking about wanting her again. Couldn’t even fuck another woman without thinking about and wanting her.
It was sickening.
Shit was weak.
My dick didn’t get hard the same without thinking about her. Had to put Mahogany’s face on Daija’s just to bust a nut. Never had that problem with her before. Daija was amazing. Had some good ass pussy. Clenched me right. Fit like a fucking glove. Had just the right amount of wetness. Her pussy was good. But today it barely did the job. Shit, itdidn’tdo the job. I had to think about her.
Another niggas woman.
That shit ate at me.
Not being able to have her when I wanted her. How I wanted her. Shit fucked with me. Fucked with my confidence a lil’ too. She was unhappy. She was unfulfilled. She wanted out. But none of that shit mattered apparently because she hadn’t bulged.
It had been about a week since I last felt her against me.
Since I last seen her.
And it’d been excruciating. Walking through the doors at Couture, not running into her. I caught myself lingering a bit, trying to bump into her, again. Doing goofy shit like that had never been a part of my M O. I was smooth. I was calm. Calculated. Let shit come to me organically. Women especially. I didn’t have to put in an effort for anything in this world but money. But then I met Mahogany and that changed. I couldn’t have it my way. Honestly, it put me in the mindset of when I was losing Nova. It felt a little empty. Like damn… I couldn’t have it my way? Who I was didn’t matter in this situation. What I could do, the money I made… none of it mattered for real.
“I have to get up early too. So,” Daija paused with a soft smile. “I’m not trying to stay, Crescent. I don’t know why we do this awkward thing every time we’re done anyway. I know I have to leave, and I know you want me to. It’s been how long? I know the program big daddy.”
I laughed a little, brushed my hand down over my head, and said nothing. Once she was dressed, I walked her to the front door and told her to text me when she made it home.
The next morning,I woke up to the sound of my alarm. With a grunt, I reached over to silence it. Before laying back down I clicked on my text message icon and shook my head at an unopened message from Daija, letting me know she’d made it home. I didn’t even hear the shit go off last night, I was so caught up in my head. Laying back down, I put my eyes to the ceiling and thought about last night and what I didn’t get from it. What I usually got. Fulfillment. Satisfaction. I didn’t get neither of those things. When Daija dipped, I was left feeling empty, like something was missing, with the same problem I had before she got there. Mahogany. She was on my mind heavy.
I went to sleep thinking about her. Not just wanting her. Thinking about her in general. Wondered what she was doing. Wondered if she was sleeping. Wondered if she’d just given my pussy away. Hell yeah, it was mine. Even if it wasn’t mine. I wondered if sex with ol’ boy felt as empty for her as sex with Daija had been for me. Thoughts about sex didn’t last long though. I closed my eyes and saw hers. The sadness behind them. The emptiness. The longing. The last time we were together that’s what they were like. I never wanted to see what I saw in photos of the two of them, in real life again. But something in my spirit told me I would. Something told me, when we were given the opportunity to spend time again, it would be there again. Briefly, I hoped. I wanted to fill them with those things I saw in them when we were together. Longing. Desire. Excitement. Happiness.
Sighing, I sat on side of the bed. I was tired of her ass. Tired of thinking about her. Tired of wanting her. I wondered how long this shit was going to last and why it was happening in the first place. I didn’t have these types of problems. Never had. Didn’t think I ever would. Fuck had she done to me?
I shook it off, stood, and headed to the bathroom for a shower to get my day started.
Hours later, I was walking through the doors at Couture. I hated coming down here now. Before, coming down here was the highlight of my day. These days, it wasn’t. I felt like a simp ass nigga waiting, hoping and wishing to run into Mahogany. Hated how much she had infiltrated my system. A nigga could barely function without thinking about her. Especially when I was here.
“Good morning, Mr. Carter,” Claire spoke.
I chucked my chin. “Morning.”
I’d even switched my meetings down here from the afternoon to the morning. Before, I scheduled them late just so they could run over. Shit had flipped for sure.
“Here to see Shardae, right?” She asked, typing around on the computer.
Unfortunately. Un-fucking-fortunately.
“Yeah.”
Today I was dry. After last night, I was in a fucked-up mood. I didn’t like what fucking with Mahogany did to me. Felt like my dick was broken and it only wanted to work for her. Shit was crazy. I’d never in all of the years I’d been fucking, had this issue. Not even when I was with Reign.
After a couple of seconds, she okayed me to go up. I made my way through the lobby, spoke to a couple of people and shit and stood at the elevator. As I was waiting, Mahogany’s assistant, Tamia approached, wearing a smile. She sized me up and said hello.
I chucked my chin. “Wassup? You havin a good day?”
She nodded. “Yep. I sure am. I hope things are going well between you and Shardae.”
I squinted a little, stroked my chin, and nodded. “Yeah. things are going straight.”
