The tears rolling down Mahogany’s beautiful face halted me. Stopped me mid-sentence. I said I didn’t want to hurt her and I had. I said I didn’t want to make her cry… but I had. She was drained. I was destroyed. I—I didn’t want to leave. Didn’t wantto walk away but the longer I spoke… the more I tried to plead my case, the bigger the hole felt. The one I was digging. The one with her standing at the top and me at the bottom. One so big I wouldn’t be able to climb out. A hole so deep, the surface would feel miles away.
I had to stop.
I never listened. When she told me to leave something alone. When she said she was just having a day. When she told me to stop. When she said she needed time. I didn’t stop. I pushed. I kept trying to fix it. But tonight… with her standing before me, after learning about Diary, with tears running down her face… I listened. Finally, I stopped. I heard her. I didn’t have the right to plead. Didn’t have the right to beg.
Instead of trying to force anything else, I laid my head on her chest and said, “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t move; she let me lay there a minute before walking away.
Thirty minutes later,I was at my ma’s house. When I pulled up and seen my sister's car, I thought about turning around and booking a hotel room. But I said fuck it. I didn’t give a fuck about shit but getting to the bottom of things. I didn’t call. Didn’t text. None of that shit. I wanted her to look me in the eyes and tell me she told my wife about Diary. Didn’t want to listen to lies over the phone. Couldn’t call her if I wanted to anyway. The whole ride to the crib, my mind was gone. I spent the entire ride thinking about Mahogany and what this meant for my marriage. It was over. I dropped a couple of tears too. I was man enough to admit that this shit was tearing me to shreds.
I shifted my car in park and leaned my head back against the headrest with a deep breath. Turning my head a little, I looked up at the house. Maybe I should have rethought the decision to bring it to her since Amber was here. Tae probably was posted up in that bitch too.
I dragged my hand down over my face and grumbled, “Fuck it.”
It didn’t matter at this point. The cat was out of the bag. There was no point in trying to hide the shit anymore. Mahogany knew. Shit was going to start crumbling now. I had to brace myself for the fallout behind it. The whispers. The rumors. The judgment. It was coming at me at full speed and there was nothing I could do to stop it. So why hide it? Why try to keep shit under-wraps? They were going to find out regardless. Shit, the one person I never wanted to find out knew and her opinion and love meant more to me than anybody else’s.
I got out of the car, walked up to the house and knocked a couple of times. After waiting for longer than I wanted to, I fished my keys from my pocket and let myself in. As soon as I opened the door, I was face to face with ma.
She turned the corners of her mouth up at me and shook her head. “What the hell you doin here? Something happened huh?”
Instead of immediately answering her, I turned to lock the door.
I ignored ma and turned my attention to Amber sitting on the couch. Something happened. She was dressed in pajamas, looking down at her phone, knee bouncing, sniffling every couple of seconds.
“What up doe, Amb,” I spoke, tilting my head a little to get a good look at her face.
She looked up at me and as expected, her eye was black. I gritted my teeth. “Why the fuck ain’t nobody call me?” I yelled.
Amber sucked her teeth. “I called Deante. You all the way in the?—“
“I don’t give a fuck!” I barked. “Where that nigga at?”
Amber’s baby daddy had a hard time keeping his hands to himself. You see the shit Ne just did to me? I didn’t put hands on her. Would never put hands on her. Unless it was to restrain her. All of that other extra shit? Didn’t have it in me. Hated niggas who put their hands on women. It was bitch shit. And Amber’s baby daddy was notorious for it. Tae and I would pull up on him every time, whoop his ass, and then a couple of days later, Amber would be right back with him. It was a recurring cycle, but I didn’t give a fuck. If there was ever a time he hit her and I knew about it, I was on his ass.
D wanted to kill him.
I felt the same way. But that nigga… hereallywanted to kill him. Had to stop him a couple of times. He was on the verge of doing time behind sis a couple of times, but I was smart enough to know that it wasn’t worth it. Killing that nigga would do nothing but destroy Amber and the kids. I wasn’t in a position to risk my life over it. I would be sitting in a jail cell over murder, while she’s mourning the nigga I saved her from. Shit wouldn’t make sense.
“It’s over. Tae already heading back and?—“
“Mannnn,” I stressed, pacing with my hands to my head. “Too much shit goin’ on bro.”
“What you doin here, Ducati?” Asked my momma. “With scratches all over your neck.”
I looked over my shoulder at her with a snarl and brushed my hand over my neck. “You just had to open yo mouth?”
She drew back, offended. “Nigga, who the fuck you think you talkin to?”
“You!” I barked. Pacing, I roughly ran my hands over the top of my head.
“Aw hell naw. This nigga don lost his got damn mind,” she mumbled, before walking over to me. Standing in front of me, she pointed her finger in my face. “I don’t give a damn about what you got going on but I didn’t open up my mouth and tell that fuckin’ girl a damn thang!”
I sucked my teeth. “Yeah okay.”
“Tell Mahogany what?” Amber asked.
“Mind yo’ business Amb. You got enough shit to worry about and?—“
