So much for praying to God. What the fuck?
“What?” I asked, the blood in my veins turning cold.
Did they turn cold? Or did they dry the fuck out? She shouldn’t have known that name. How did she know that name? My first thought went to my momma. She opened her fucking mouth.
She didn’t say anything. Just stood next to the bed, over me, looking down at me. The moonlight hitting her from the window showed me how flat and empty her expression was. The expression was familiar. Reminded me of the times in the past where she’d ask if I was cheating and… I’d lie. She was waiting for that. The lie. And I couldn’t give her that. I’d grown, remember? But I wasn’t ready to give her the truth either. So, I stayed dangling in that silence in the middle, waiting for her to respond to my what. She didn’t though. She just walked away. Shoulders slightly slumped, heading to the bathroom.
I ran my hand over my head with a low deep breath, hoping she didn’t hear the stress between my vocal cords when I asked what. When she walked into the bathroom, I sat up and went for my phone, checking it to see if my ma said something. I couldn’t believe she’d betrayed me like that. What the fuck was her problem? We got into it a little earlier, about the Ms. Rochelle situation, but was it bad enough for her to call my wife with business that wasn’t hers to spill? Fuck no.
Swallowing, I sat the phone down and looked towards the bathroom. I could see her shadow at the vanity. I leaned over a bit and caught her reflection in the mirror. She was staring right at me. Scared me so bad, I flinched. Her expression was different. Cruel. Hateful, for real. Mahogany had never looked at me with so much hate in her eyes.
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
I didn’t know. So… I stared back at her. Except my expression didn’t mirror hers. It was softer. Pleading. Telling. She… she knew who Diary was. Knew I knew who Diary was, but I couldn’t tell her. Not with words I couldn’t.
After staring at me through the reflection for a couple more seconds, she looked away. Turned the water on and ran it over her hands, her head down, looking down into the sink. Right after, she was back at the doorway, walking toward me.
“Ducati,” Mahogany softly called out to me, standing directly in front of me, in between the small space between my legs.
I clenched my jaw, looking up at her. “Yeah baby?” I somberly replied.
“Diary. Who is she?”
Her voice was leveled. Calm. A little too calm for the look she’d just given me. Although she didn’t seem threatening, I felt threatened.
I swallowed.
“I don’t?—”
Before I could get the ‘know’ out, her wet hand went across my face. I said I wouldn’t lie to her, and I wasn’t going to. I was going to say ‘I don’t know why you asking silly questions and you just got home. Did you eat? Did you see the kids?’ shit like that. I wasn’t going to lie to my wife. Just… wait. Just… withhold.
Her wet hand against my cheek stung like fire. She didn’t hold back. Mahogany hit me with everything she had. Hit me so hard, the slap was echoic, and my head went jerking to the other side. She didn’t stop either. Before I could register what the fuck happened, she hit me again. This time with a closed fist.
“I said… I told you not to fuckin’ lie to me!” She yelled, jumping on me like a wild animal. She pounded on me, her fists raining down on me with so much hatred that I wondered if my wife ever loved me. I shielded myself. Took the beating because I deserved it. Let her get off on me because although she hit me hard as fuck, I could take it. And nothing hurt more than her knowing the truth.
After about thirty seconds or so, I’d had enough. I grabbed her and flipped her over on the mattress, pinning her arms above her head. With my face in hers, I yelled, “Chill, Ne! Stop!”
She was a maniac. Kicking, biting at me, trying to get out of my grip.
“I—
“Ma?”
My head jolted up towards the door.
Gabe.
“Go to bed, G,” I yelled, through deep breaths.
The doorknob rattled. “Ma!” He yelled, in a panic. “Mama!”
“Yeah,” Mahogany answered, out of breath. “I’m—I’m okay, baby. Go… Go back to bed.”
“Uh, uh,” he refused. “Open the door ma. Please open the door.”
“Didn’t I just tell yo lil ass to go to bed, nigga?! Get away from the fuckin’ door, G!” I yelled, tightening my grip around Mahogany’s wrists. She was steady trying to get out of my hold. Maybe to answer the door. Maybe to punch me in my throbbing eye again. I didn’t know, so I wasn’t letting up.
We didn’t dothis.
