I’d been getting by just fine the past couple of months but not without the uncomfortable feeling of something missing. I knew what it was. Her. Because I was in my feelings about the back and forth, I didn’t do anything about it. I sat with it, suffering in discomfort, unwilling to put myself out there again. I couldn’t anyway. The biggest obstacle still stood in the way. Now, with the contract out of the way, I felt like there was hope. Well…like there could be hope. I still didn’t know where her mind was at. However, something told me that this was okay. That trying again was safe. I hoped like hell my intuition was right.
Mahogany didn’t say anything, so I took that as my cue to continue.
“It’s been a long ass six months without you,” I admitted, grabbing her hands.
She looked down at her feet and then back up at me, her eyes softer than before. Behind them I saw that longing I felt. I released her hands and caressed her jawline. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. Right then and there, Iknewit was okay to be open. It was one thing to feel like things would be, a completely different thing to actually know.
“Been long for me too,” she mumbled.
“I missed the hell out of you, Mo.”
She closed her eyes and again, turned into my touch, nuzzling her face in my hand. “I missed you too.”
Like before, I was a little loss for words. Not because I was afraid of rejection, but because I’d never been completely open with a woman. I’d never been completely open with anyone. But I had to be open with her. I had to tell her how I felt. It was necessary. If I wanted to repair things… if I wanted to take it to another level with her, honesty was required.
Again, that feeling of urgency rushed through my veins and I gripped her face, tilting her head back.
“Let me see them beautiful eyes,” I said, prompting her to open eyes that called to me from the first day I saw her.
She giggled and opened her eyes with a deep breath. “Hi,” she whispered.
“Hi, baby,” I said back, brushing the pads of my thumbs along her jawline. My heart raced as I decided, fuck it. Just go. No overthinking, no hesitation, just raw honesty. “When I saw you rushing out of the venue a minute ago, it felt like my heartwas going to explode.” I laughed, pretending it wasn’t much of a big deal, but it was. That shit was low key scary.
She giggled and I shook my head.
“Real shit though,” I told her. “But listen… it’s cold out here, your girl is waiting for you?—”
“She can wait,” Mahogany interrupted.
I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and exhaled. “I need you. A while back you told me I didn’t, but I did then… and I do now. I’ve never experienced what I experience with you, with anybody else. From the feeling of tingles shooting through my fingertips at every little touch, to your soul literally calling out to me… I’d never experienced anything like it.”
She softly smiled.
“I need more of that. I need more of you. I know… a while back you said you couldn’t give me more. You said you had shit and hell… I had shit too. You talked about using me and Mahogany, I was using you too. Not for sex—that was a bonus. You was solace for a nigga during a really rough time. I looked to you for comfort, just as much as you say you looked to me. When I said what you could give me was enough, I was telling the truth. But I understood where you were coming from, so I didn’t push. I wanted to. I wanted to bad as hell, but it wasn’t my place.” I looked away, shook my head and said, “I’m rambling.”
She giggled. “It’s okay.”
“What I want—no need—is another opportunity. I don’t know what’s going on in your life. And if you still have shit, I’ll respect that, walk away and consider this one of the worst days of my life.”
She laughed.
I didn’t.
I was serious as hell. If Mahogany told me she couldn’t do anything with what I told her, it would indeed be one of the worst days of my life.
She reached up and caressed my beard. “I don’t have any shit, Crescent.”
When the words left her soft lips, a wave of relief washed over me and I couldn’t contain myself. I wrapped my arms around her body and put my face in the side of her neck, deeply inhaling. Again, the neurons in my brain started to fire off but I ignored them by sitting in the moment.
“You might as well tell your home girl you leaving with me,” I said against her neck, wrapping my arms tighter around her body.
It was open season. I wasn’t letting up off of her for real this time.
31
MAHOGANY
“Back at it again, huh?”Asked Sienna, standing at my closet with me.
