“Slick up there helping him now,” Orion said, shaking his head. He flicked his wrist, checking the time. “Hopefully he ready in the next couple minutes.” He scratched at the side of his face. “I’m not trying to be late.”
“We won’t be,” Luna said, staring off into space. She cut her eyes at my plate and dug into it, eating a piece of bacon.
“Now, I offered you bacon too and you said you didn’t eat meat. What you got going on, girl?” Auntie Majorie asked, with her hand on her hip.
Luna shrugged. “I don’t eat meat.”
I shook my head and pushed the plate over to her so we could share the bacon. I had four pieces—she could have a couple, I wasn’t tripping.
After about ten minutes, Pops came downstairs and the family cars pulled up shortly after. It was a hassle getting him out of the house. He was in no rush to go to his wife’s funeral. It got to a point where we literally had to escort him to the car.
Once we finally got him inside, Auntie Shanny asked us to join hands for prayer. I was a little apprehensive, but I grabbed Luna’s hand anyway. It wasn’t that I had a vendetta or a problem with the Lord. I just… I don’t know. There was something about God and death that I didn’t vibe with. Ever since Nova Ray, I hadn’t really been feeling him too much.
“Dear father God, as we make our way to my twin sister's funeral, guide us. Heal our broken hearts. You know it’s always been hard for me to find the right words. But you know what we need. Comfort us, Lord. Help us find peace and understanding during this hard time. Thank you, God. Amen.”
The ride to the funeral home was spent in a blur. I don’t know how much time passed before we pulled up. Shit, I didn’t evenrealize when we made it. Orion had to tap me on the leg to grab my attention.
I sighed, climbed out of the car, and headed inside, the pain in my chest increasing with every step I took. Before we could get inside of the funeral home, Pops let out a gut-wrenching cry that halted me and made me close my eyes. Luna gripped my arm and leaned her head on it.
I looked over my shoulder at him and damn near crumbled at the sight of his brothers literally holding him up.
I clenched down on my teeth and looked ahead, my feet planted.
“Take your time, nephew,” Uncle Mo said, with his hand on my shoulder. “Ain’t none of us in a rush to go inside.”
I stared at the closed doubled-doors and swallowed. Blinking profusely, I thought about the last time I walked through these very doors. Yeah, we were having moms’ service at the same funeral home we had Nova’s. I didn’t know what possessed me to make the arrangements here. Maybe I was out of my mind. Maybe it was muscle memory. Whatever it was, I shouldn’t have done it.
There was a light squeeze on my shoulder before Uncle Lew stepped forward and opened the doubled-doors. I took a deep breath, swallowed and pushed forward. However, before I could get too far, Luna stopped and tugged on my arm.
“I don’t want to Crescent,” she whispered. “I don’t—I don’t want to.”
I looked down at her, clenched down on my jaw and told her, “We can’t stand out here all day, Lu.”
A second later, Orion emerged from behind, interlocked his arm with Luna’s and we both took a step forward, practically dragging her along with us.
“We got this, sis,” Orion said. “Bro,” He nodded at me. “We got this.”
I nodded back at him, pulled my lips into my mouth and kept walking. On my arm, Luna cried. Her cries, just as much as Pops’ cries, were bone chilling. I swallowed again, pushing my tears to the back of my throat.
When I took in the pearl white casket at the front of the funeral home, none of that mattered. Everything I felt… everything I’d been holding back… came to the forefront and an earth shattering cry erupted from me. It wasn’t just moms that I saw up front. Hell naw. I saw Nova Ray too. Visions of that small casket ran through my mind and before I knew it, I was shaking too. Luna went from holding onto me for comfort to actually holding me up. Orion had to leave her side to put me in the middle. At that moment, Ifeltlike the youngest. I felt like baby boy. The armor fell from me and everything I’d experienced during this entire ordeal came to mind. From picking her dress out, to talking to funeral directors, and life insurance people. To telling them how I wanted her hair, to answering questions about nail polish. Every little thing came to mind. And again, I thought of Nova Ray.
When we got to the casket, I stared down at my moms, pleased with the work the funeral home did. And then it hit me. Why I went with them again. Because of the way they handled my baby girl. She looked good. Like she was sleeping. And moms… she looked the same.
I tilted my head to the side, as tears ran down my face, staring at her. I took in the mole by her eye, the subtle wrinkles in her skin and even the shade of purple they went with for her nails. I digested it, taking a mental image. Not because I wanted to remember what she looked like in a casket but because I wanted to remember the subtle things. The things I didn’t pay attention to when she was living. Like that mole.
“Play it again!”Yelled Auntie Shanny when the music came to an end.
I shook my head, turned my cup up to my lips and took a sip of whatever my cousins mixed up in a big ass container. Jungle juice. I should have stayed away from that shit. Could’ve easily went to the liquor store and grabbed me a bottle but I wasn’t in the mood to drive.
About two hours later, we were in the hood off seven mile, at Auntie Shanny’s crib for the repast. I wanted to get a venue for it, since the family was so big but they were against it, saying they were tired of the fancy shit and just wanted to take it old school. They cooked, cleaned, and decorated too. The crib looked nice. Stepping foot in the crib reminded me of the time I used to spend the night here when I was a little nigga.
Frankie Smith’s Double Dutch bus played from the big speakers sitting on the other side of the room and I bopped my head to it. Moms used to love this shit. Auntie Shanny had them play it four times already. The family partied in the middle of floor, doing a dance from back in the day. As painful as it was to listen to something my momma played every Saturday when I was growing up, I enjoyed it. It took me back to my childhood. A happier time in my life.
I laughed at Uncle Lew and Auntie Majorie dancing, and shook my head. On the other side of the room, pops sat with his brothers, playing dominos. Luna sat not too far from me, uncomfortable as hell, nose turned up, arms wrapped around herself, looking like she used to when we were growing up and had to come through. She was devastated when she learned I wasn’t getting a venue. She damn near booked one herself butI stopped her. O and Rah and them were outside on the porch, shooting dice. They wanted me to get in on it, but I was smooth. I was in my own element, wanting to be alone while also enjoying the company of family.
While I was sitting watching my family dance, Reign walked into my view. She was here. Of course she was here. We hugged at the funeral, probably sharing the same feelings about Nova. Had to be. She held on to me for a minute and I let her.
She sat at the table with me. “Hey.”
