I shook my head. “It’s something if you were just in here crying.”
“I wasn’t?—
“Don’t lie to me, Aubry. I saw you wipe your face when I walked in.”
She sighed and tossed her head back with a light grunt. “His ex. She running around the school talking about Marcell been texting her and that he don't really mess with me like that. He said she’s lying but I don’t know. I did see him talking to her in between classes two days ago.”
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “What I tell you about boys?”
She pouted. “I know ma. I remember.”
“No... tell me. What did I tell you about boys?”
I kicked it with my daughter. Heavy. On some real shit. I didn’t sugarcoat anything when it came to talking to her about boys and life. I gave her the tools I didn’t have. But it seemed like she wasn’t using them.
“You said,” she sighed and paused. "You said not to take them seriously. Not right now.”
“And why is that?”
“Because I’m young and I have my whole life ahead of me.”
“What else did I tell you?”
“That if anybody makes me question my worth or where I stand in their lives, cut them off. Everybody’s disposable. If they ain’t treating me the way I should be treated, walk away and don’t look back.”
I nodded. “Why did I tell you that, Aubry?”
“Because life is short and I shouldn’t spend it anyway other than happy.”
“Exactly,” I said, reaching over to wipe her face clean of tears.
“So... why didn’t you do that?” She mumbled.
“Why didn’t I do what?” I asked with pinched brows.
“Why didn't you walk away from dad when he cheated on you?”
I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, trying to find the right words. We hadn’t talked about what Duke did. Not completely. When she came back from his apartment the day they met Diary, she was livid. Said she couldn’t believe her dad cheated on me and how foul it was. When I didn’t really react to it, she asked me if I knew he cheated back then. I told her yes. I didn’t go into detail. Didn’t tell her that wasn’t the first time. Nothing like that. Just left it at yes. She didn’t say anything but sorry. She wrapped her arms around me and apologized about the way she’d been acting. We didn’t go into any more details. So, her questiontoday hit me from left field a little. Didn’t think she would ask me anything like that.
“Because I didn’t havethis,” I honestly told her, motioning between the two of us. “I didn’t have anybody to tell me what to do when someone mistreated me. When I went to my momma with boy problems, she told me to... never mind. Just know I didn’t have anybody to put me up on game. You just be happy you do. Okay?”
“No, what did Nana tell you, ma? Tell me.”
If I told her what my mother told me, she’d probably connect the dots and realize that three years ago wasn’t the first time her father cheated on me. And suddenly, I wondered why the hell I was still protecting him? It didn’t take long for me to realize that it wasn’t about protecting him but about keeping up appearances—still. I was embarrassed. Still. I didn’t want my daughter to know that I’d done the opposite of what I told her to do every single time. But shit... what did I have to hide from?
I pulled my lips into my mouth and stared at her for a moment, steady hesitating.
“Ma.”
I sighed. “She told me to stay. I went to her crying, and she told me to stay.”
Aubry’s eyebrows raised. “Wow.”
Pulling my lips into my mouth, I nodded. “Yeah. So… Listen to me and listen to me good. I don’t want you to stay. Ever. If Marcell or any other boy does something to hurt you, you walk away. At the first sign of trouble, you leave. You hear me?”
She nodded and reached over to hug me. “I’m sorry you didn’t have a you in your life mama.”
I lightly laughed. “It’s okay.”
