“What?” Gabe said. “Wait what? You didn’t tell me all that,” he paused and mumbled. “What the fuck?”
“Ay! Watch yo got damn mouth, G.”
“You had a baby on her tooooo,” Aubry cried. “What is wrong with you? What is... what? My life is a lie. My life is a freakin lie.”
Honesty didn’t say anything. She laid her head on the island and continued to cry.
“I... I didn’t want it to be like this,” I sadly said. “I... I messed up. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Aight? I messed up.”
“How you didn’t mean for it to happen? You cheated, had sex with some lady without a condom and had a baby with her. Simple math. You don’t make a mistake like that,” Aubry said. “Man my momma man... My momma must be so heartbroken. I can’t believe you dad.”
I stood back against the stove behind me and crossed my arm over my chest, looking at my kids. My eyes filled with tears as I thought about what this would do to our relationship. Would Aubry hate me? The look on her face told me she would. Would Gabe hate me too? I didn’t tell him the whole truth and it washis mother I did dirty. Like I said... boys... they didn’t play when it came to their mother. And my sweet, sensitive baby Honesty. What would this do to her? I wasn’t too worried about our relationship. I was worried about what it would do to her as a whole. She was so fragile and overthought so much that she’d probably drive herself crazy trying to make the situation better. I didn’t worry about Sparkle at all. While the walls closed in on me, she ran around, as if nothing was going on.
Ring ring, ring ring. Boom, boom, boom.
My momma was at the door like a maniac. Knocking and ringing the bell like crazy.
“Who is that?” Aubry asked. “You know what?”
She got up to answer the door and I yelled, “Sit yo ass down, Aubry!”
She flinched, paused, and looked over at me with a deep frown on her face.
“Who is it, dad?” Honesty softly asked, lifting her head from the island.
I dragged my hand down over my beard. “It’s your nanny and... and y’all little sister. Her name is Diary.”
“Wait. Nanny know?” Aubry asked, shaking her head, pacing the floor. “This is so messy. Do my momma even know?! Or is?—”
“Yeah your momma know,” I said. “That’s why we getting a divorce,” I struggled to say.
I walked away, heading for the front door. From behind, I could hear them groaning, talking about it amongst each other. Aubry told Honesty it would be alright. Gabe talked about how I was a liar and about how his momma didn’t deserve that. There was so much more I wanted to say but decided against it. I couldn’t get on them for feeling the way they felt.
Finally, I unlocked the door, opening it.
“What the hell took so long? Got me standing out here looking crazy. She gotta pee!” My momma said. She scanned my face and whispered, “Oh shit. Did you tell them?”
“Yeah, I told them,” I somberly said. “Come on Diary; let me get you to the bathroom,” I said, grabbing her hand.
As I walked by the kids with their new sister, I felt their eyes on me. Honesty whispered about how she looked like Sparkle. Sparkle stopped running around to take a look. The other two just watched in silence. When I got Diary to the bathroom, I closed the door behind her and leaned against it, with my head tossed back. I could hear ma talking to them... or trying to at least... they were quiet.
I didn’t feel bad.
Not completely.
Not like I thought I would in the middle of all of this. I felt relief. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Like I could let go of a breath I’d been holding for months. It was heavy still, but the load was a lot lighter.
Once I heard the toilet flush, I knocked a couple of times and reminded her to wash her hands. I got tissue but forgot soap, but she at least needed to run some water over them.
When she finished, she opened the door and I kneeled in front of her. Jerking my head in the direction of the living room, I said, “You saw them kids in there?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“Remember how a while back Nana told you I was your daddy?”
“Mmhmm,” she said with a nod.
“Those kids in there are my kids. Which means what?”
