“But you’re a nightwalker,” I mutter. “So it doesn’t hurt.”
Darkness spills from the corners of the vent. “Will you leave him?”
“Why do you ask?”
Bleak darkness billows out, weaving into inky ribbons like it did last night. They lower, seamlessly dancing in a spiral towards me. “You have given me a lot to think about.”
With a sigh, I look away and glare at the exit. Illuminated pale white light cuts through from underneath thedoor, but struggles to stay alive in the red room. “I didn’t think I would leave him until he told me he came here willingly. The stories he told sound believable, but it makes me wonder what else he could be lying about.”
I face the vent again, my eyes widening and an ache flaring in my stomach at the sight of the ribbons so close. Within arm’s reach. Too daring for my own good, I reach out to them as he says, “A saviour can also be your destroyer.”
My fingertips touch the ribbon closest to me. The silk slips through my fingertips like a coin between knuckles. “You want to save me?”
The ribbon crosses my wrist and winds down my arm to my elbow. “That’s what we do.”
I shift awkwardly and retract my arm. The darkness draws up into the vent as though pulled by a vacuum. “Did you see all my memories? Every moment before I came to Darkovish?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
A long pause. “Your Vaganova method was magnificent.”
I smile at the memories of ballet I have pushed down, but long to return to.
“Your laugh is beautiful, Saya,” he says. My breath hitches, and my vision turns glassy as I face the darkness consuming the vent. “If you accept my offer, you will never have to hide that smile again. You can be you, not what you have been taught to fear.”
I pick at a button on my gown. With a deep breath, Iturn back to glaring at the door. “I like being me, and as far removed from something like you,nightwalker.”
“Is that you talking, or the poison you’ve been fed by your mother, friends…and not-lover?”
A pang of pain spears my heart, but I bite down on my lip to keep myself from opening up to someone who sees far more than he should.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
DISSIMULATOR
Any nightwalker who shares the location of the Undercity will be prosecuted.
— Serun’s Law
Leavingthe private room feels like a walk of shame. I’ve returned safely, but what awaits me? How angry will Jax be when I see him? Part of me wants to hide away from judgment. The other Feeders will see me as a human wanting the company of our captors. I doubt anyone will believe me if I tell them he is…good. I’m not even sure if heisgood, or if my own complicated feelings about myself are making mewantto believe it. Because if he isn’t good, where does that leave a half-nightwalker?
AmIgood?
I’d like to believe so, but memories of how my mum cringed away from my touch, and the lonely days by the water instead of playing with the other children, tell a different story.
I’ve never truly belonged.
As the women come down the stairs, my throat tightens, and my hands clench into fists. With a quick look at my Bleeder escort, I say, “I’d like to rest in my room.”
We stop by the stairs, and my ears twitch at the whispers from the crowd. Emily and Manni have slowed their descent, waiting for me to finish my conversation with the Bleeder.
The masked man tilts his head in appraisal. “Only if you agree to see the god again tonight.”
My fingers flex, and my tongue darts out to my cracked, dry lips before I say, “Is that what he wants?”
“He insists,” he replies with a slight dip of his head.
