“If you have to ask, it means you don’t understand a damn thing about me,” she replies, shaking her head. “Mamma could live out herlife in peace here, my sister would have a roof over her head, and my daughter would have a future. Is that enough for you?”
“No, you want to trap your mother, your sister, and your daughter because you feel stuck here yourself,” I reply with more malice than I thought I had. “Your mother is close to retirement. If you want to give her peace of mind, you don’t force her to look after a twenty-thousand-square-foot property for life. Your sister can’t wait to escape Belvedere, and your daughter wants to study in England.”
“What are you saying?”
“Didn’t you know? No, you didn’t. Because your daughter doesn’t talk to you. You’re so terrified of separating from her that you still treat her like she’s five, but she’s long past that age.” Until now only Elisa had raised her voice, but now I’m joining in too. “Did you know she liked Tommaso Ghirardi? Obviously not, but she told me. Did you know she’s applying to go to an English boarding school next year? No, she told me. Did you know she got her period? No, she told me.”
Elisa looks at me in shock. “Linda got her period?”
“Maybe now you can see how much you’ve pushed her away. But she’s your daughter, dammit; she can’t feel rejected by you.”
“I just want to protect her! Nobody knows what it was like for me to become a mother at seventeen. You’re all full of lessons for me, but when it comes time to put them into practice, I’m always on my own.”
“You don’t have to be,” I take a step toward her, hoping she understands that I don’t want to argue anymore. “I’m here.”
“You? You’re taking away my house, you’re taking away my job, and you’re taking away my life.”
“Come to London with me,” I say suddenly, taking her by the shoulders. “With Linda, I mean.”
“London? And do what?”
“I don’t know; you’ll find something. You won’t have to worry about a thing. I’ll take care of you,” I insist. I had imagined this evening would go a little more like this: During dinner I’d intended to explain to her, in a more relaxed way, that although I believed Le Giuggiole wasa valid investment, Charles still intended to sell. However, because she’s so important to me and I don’t want our relationship to end, I wanted to invite her to join me in London. Proposing to a woman that we move in together after only a month would have been unthinkable for the old Michael, but the new one can’t wait. “I have a huge apartment in the city center. I have connections in the most exclusive circles. You’ll never be bored. You can reinvent yourself or do nothing all day, and I’ll send Linda to the best schools. Why would you want to stay here in this godforsaken place, breaking your back all day, up to your neck in debt, when you can have all that in an instant? I love you, Elisa. Please say yes.”
We stare at each other in silence for a very long time, and I hold my breath, awaiting her response.
48
Elisa
If I’d been run over by a truck, I’d be better off. “I didn’t think it was necessary to use that many words to offend me, but congratulations, you’ve broken a record,” I say.
“I just told you that I love you,” he repeats, more convinced than ever.
“No, you just told me that you don’t understand a thing about me and, what’s worse, you don’t even care. I’m not some beautiful figurine you can use to decorate your precious apartment in the center of London. I’m not for sale, and I’d prefer a thousand times over to die of exhaustion after a day in the vineyard than live a life of comfort dependent on you or anyone else. Everything has a price except dignity. How long will it take, Michael, for us to disagree on something and you to accuse me of costing you the air I breathe?”
“I would never do that.”
“It’s not a risk I’m willing to take. I didn’t do it thirteen years ago. I won’t do it now.”
“What?” Michael looks at me, confused, and I realize that in my anger I’ve taken a step too far. “What would you have done thirteen years ago?”
“I had a daughter. With George.” There, the die has been cast. I finally said it.
“Say that again?” he hisses icily through his teeth.
“Your brother is Linda’s father,” I repeat. “He didn’t want to have anything to do with her, and I made do.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” Now he’s the one shouting, to the point that it echoes in the chimney flue. “I’ve had a niece for thirteen years and didn’t know a thing about it?! I would have given you a hand, I would have been part of her life, I would have taken care of her studies, I would have introduced her to different social circles, have her meet people who matter ...”
“You just answered your own question: I didn’t want anyone to take away my freedom to make decisions as her mother. I didn’t want to have to ask permission from whoever was holding the purse strings,” I reply.
“You took away my right to have a family,” he growls, angrily. “Because, whether you like it or not, I am her uncle.”
I’m about to reply, but a thud in the room draws our attention.
It’s Linda, emerging from behind the cupboard, her face red and her eyes full of tears. She gives me a terrified look and runs out of the kitchen.
The hidden passage.
