So far, I’ve never restrained myself when it came to criticising Jemma for her ignorance, her lack of initiative and her inadequacies, and now I find out that she has started studying hard voluntarily.
But it’s even worse than that. As her husband, I should have taken care of her interests and helped her fit into a society that doesn’t belong to her, yet I simply delegated the task to my mother – to whom I wouldn’t entrust my worst enemy – and, by doing so, I forced her to seek help from Lance.
The icing on the cake is that I thought that I could stand my ground as long as Jemma did the same, but now the situation is completely overturned. She took the initiative to meet my needs, so my good manners and education suggest that I take a step towards meeting hers.
This is a total mess. I counted on just two things: her stubbornness and her laziness.
For the first time I look at myself in the mirror and I know I’m wrong.
37
Jemma’s Version
I curl up under my blankets and pillows, hiding in the canopy bed as if I were in a den. I’m protecting myself from the world which, after the slap in the face it gave me through Carter, feels even colder.
I think I have learned every single line ofPride and Prejudiceby heart, and every time I read about the Bennets, I feel the warmth and affection of that beautiful large family. I would like to be a part of that, I’m sure it would help me at the moment.
I want my mum.
Well, I’m going to call her now, perhaps I could go spend a few days at my parents’ in London.
38
Ashford’s Version
I hear Lance knock on the door of my study.
“Your Grace, may I?”
“Come in, Lance,” and I beckon him to sit down without raising my eyes from the mail.
“It won’t be necessary. I just wanted to tell you that the duchess didn’t have breakfast this morning.”
“Mmm,” I mutter, caught in my business. “So?”
“She didn’t even ask for it to be served in her room.”
“She’s probably still asleep.” I assume. Jemma’s eating habits are near the top of my personal list of stuff I couldn’t care less about.
“Claire has already tidied up the rooms on that floor and she heard that Lady Jemma is awake.”
“Well, now that we know that the duchess is still alive, our day can start. Can’t it, Lance? Is there anything else I should know?” He’s starting to get on my nerves. Lance is one of the pillars of this house, but the way he sometimes beats about the bush is quite irritating. I know he has something to say, but every time, instead of going straight to the point, he goes back to the Punic Wars.
“Claire heard Lady Jemma crying quite desperately. I think that having someone to comfort her would do her good.”
With my head in my hands and my elbows on the desk, I massage my temples.
“You know what my mother’s answer would be? That you’re not paid to think.”
“Luckily, Your Grace the duke is not your mother.”
“No, I’m not.” So saying, I stand up quickly to leave the study.
“Pray that I never become like her,” I say to Lance before heading towards Jemma’s room.
I hesitate outside her door for a moment. In fact, I can hear muffled sobs coming from behind the door. I roll my eyes, hoping it’s not some sort of emotional breakdown due to the premenstrual syndrome.
Or Willoughby. Please don’t let this be about Willoughby.
