“Now you’re starting to look like a team I can work with.” Coach says with one of his sparse smiles. “Good game, boys. Ferguson, King, Fydorsky, and Campbell you’re on media, so get your asses moving. Down the hall to your left. That’s it for tonight, but this is the type of effort I want to see in the future.”
The post-win high keeps me floating until I’m lying in bed, ready for sleep. Despite having an absurdly cheerful Camps as my roommate, coach has us vets rooming with the rookies for “mentoring.” It’s a terrific idea, but right now I miss rooming with Walker. Sharing my angsty relationship thoughts with the rookie isn’t gonna happen. Instead, I text my folks about the win and doom scroll until my eyes droop. Great. That’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back. I set aside my phone and make an attempt at sleeping. I get there in the end, but my restlessness remains, even while I sleep.
Madison
I’m putting in extra hours at the studio this week, and it’s for the best. Lila is out of town with her family for the next seven days, so I’m handling her classes and my own. I’m beyond busy, but it’s nothing I haven’t done before, and Lila deserves some time off.
I’m in dire need of a distraction from my constant overthinking about Liam, so I don’t mind the extra work. My anger’s dissipated, and with distance, that night is looking much different every time I review it in my mind, which is far too often to be healthy. The talk with my brother has given me some additional perspective on so many things, but mostly on our relationship. I’ve spent the last few days pretty much rethinking my entire childhood experience. I know I’m stressing myself out with all this introspection, but I can’t seem to stop.
I have an hour before my next class, so I lay out a couple of mats for me and Ace. If I have a mat, Ace wants one as well. I know this because every time I get one; he grabs one and drags it next to mine. It’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.
Sleep has been elusive lately as well, and my body is protesting. The tightness in my muscles tells me that lack of sleep and stress are catching up to me. I’m hoping that a deep stretch will loosen me up. I cue up one of my favorite instrumental playlists as I ease myself into position to stretch out the knots in my shoulders.
This routine is so familiar, my body continues out of habit as my mind races around like a hamster on crack. I fluctuate between wanting to apologize to Liam for the terrible things I said, to wanting to berate him for not calling me to work this out. The logical part of my brain knows that space to work through our emotions is healthier, but my heart is impatient for a resolution, one way or another.
Liam hasn’t called or texted since the fight, and I have incredibly mixed feelings about his silence. Walker is the only one coming to take Ace for a run, so I haven’t seen him face to face. When my brother stops by, he’s always alone. I miss our mornings together. I miss Liam.
I know our relationship is new and we’ve never defined it, but that makes this situation so much harder to figure out. Where do we go from here? Maybe it’s just been too long since I’ve been in a real relationship, but it feels like there’s so much at stake here and I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing. I can admit that my track record of saying the wrong thing is way too obvious.
There’s still a part of me that’s concerned about the behavior I saw from him and his teammates: the hazing, the partying, and the fighting. Those are solid red flags for me, but I have to admit that Liam wasn’t the one to start the conflict.
He’s never been a big partyer either, and you know he hates bullies. So, is Liam really the red flag here?
I know who’s to blame, and it’s not Liam. That Karl Bell guy is a terrible human being. Even my own experiences with him validate that, but what he did to poor Austin is unforgivable.
I’ve only had two classes at the arena this week since the team is traveling to Seattle for their first pre-season game. I’ve seen Liam at both sessions, but he comes late and leaves early. He’s obviously avoiding me.
You need the space, too. It’s not only him.
It makes my heart ache in a way that doesn’t seem fixable. I rub my chest with a sigh. Ace pads over to check on me, giving me a lick on the cheek. I ignore the doggy breath and appreciate the sentiment.
“Love you too buddy.” I say as I give him a quick, one-armed hug. Satisfied, he goes back to his mat like the good boy he is.
My mind is still a mess, but my body is loose and energized, so the stretching seems to have worked. My last class of the day is a gentle restorative yoga designed to help with stress and relaxation. It’s a joy to teach because it helps to relieve everyday stress and prepare your body for a satisfying night’s rest. I add a little ambiance with a few candles and soft music. My regulars love it.
When open the studio door to let in my class, I’m shocked to find three faces I didn’t expect to see. Joslyn, Lily, and Lexi are first in line, wearing cheerful smiles. They each have their own mats and blocks, which tells me they’ve done this before. Lily looks gorgeous in a forest green sports bra and matching yoga pants, which set off her signature red hair nicely.
“I’m psyched for your class, Maddie. I’ve had a hell of a week and I need some stress relief.” She says, giving me a quick hug before stepping back to let Lexi, Damon’s daughter, in for a squeeze of her own.
“Of course we had to come check out your digs. School is already stressing me out so this should be perfect.” Lexi’s all-black workout ensemble matches her hair and her personality. I love it.
“We’ve been wanting to come for a while now, even before we met you. That ended up being the tipping point and now we’re here. You ladies know how stressful this week has been for me. What a mess! I can’t wait to put it behind me.” Joslyn’s got her red hair pulled up in a ponytail, and with her makeup-free face, she looks so much younger than her forty-two years. I’m so envious of their close relationship. I promise myself that if I ever become a mom myself, it will be Joslyn I emulate.
One of the best things about this class is that most of the participants are familiar with yoga, which means I do more guiding and less teaching. While I enjoy teaching, a class with no pressure is nice to have occasionally. I watch my girls carefully, as with any newcomer, but I can see right away that they don’t need additional instruction. Time flies, and faster than I’d like, class is over.
My ladies hang back as everyone else heads out. I was hoping for more time with them, so I’m pleased they stayed. I get everything closed up and locked before I return to the classroom to finish cleaning up. To my shock and delight, everyone, including Ace, has already put up all the equipment, so there’s nothing for me to do. It’s a considerate gesture, and my affection for these women keeps growing.
“Have you had dinner yet, Maddie? We were about to head over to that new Asian-Mexican fusion place, Sake, that is down the street. I checked out their online menu and I’ve been dying to try their food. We’d love for you to join us.” Joslyn asks me, a hopeful lilt to her voice.
“I’ve been wanting to give that place a try. I’d love to go. Let me run Ace upstairs and feed him some dinner.” I tell her with a smile, enjoying the warmth in my chest from her invitation.
“He was hauling those mats over like a boss. I almost died laughing. How fucking cute is that!” Lexi’s no-filter commentary is so refreshing.
“Why don’t you guys go ahead and I’ll meet you there. It won’t take long for me to get Ace settled.”
A half-hour later, we’re seated in a circular booth in the corner, away from the crowd. The black granite table against the dark red seats is a stunning combination. It’s snug and perfect for a gathering of friends. Their decor is an intriguing combination of Asian and avant-garde. It’s got a sophistication that’s not the norm in a casual town like Denver.
“So where is Abby tonight?” I ask Joslyn. Abby is with her as much as Ace is with me. “You’re aware Ace has a crush on her, right?”
