“You know she didn’t mean at least half of what she said. It’s how she is. She attacks first before you can attack her. Which is great, unless she’s yelling at you.” I know he’s trying to reassure me, but I’ve already moved past the pained embarrassment I originally felt.
“I don’t think it matters if she meant it or not. It was a wake-up call for me. She wasn’t the only one to get on me about adulting. Dad had a lot to say to me before they left on their trip. You know how Dad feels about things like that.” I say. He chuckles.
“Oh, I remember...” we say it together because we’ve heard it so much. “If more than one person tells you the same thing about something you’ve done or said, you need to take a closer look what they tell you.”
“Sage advice from Pop Ferguson.” He smiles fondly. Dad was really there for him after his parents’ accident, and Walker kind of adopted him as his surrogate dad.
We sit for a moment, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I’ve got all these jumbled emotions swirling around, but now that he knows I’ve heard it all, we can finally discuss it.
I tell him everything that’s been happening with me for the last few weeks. Starting with the captain’s meeting, the discussion with my parents, and how it felt to hear Maddie’s censure. I vent about how heavy the additional responsibility and the pressure of a new season have become, and the added pressure of policing Karl. He stays silent, just listening, as I verbally vomit all over him. With anyone but Walker, this would be embarrassing, but we’ve known each other so long that it’s just a relief to finally get it all out. He’s always willing to listen, no matter what’s happened. He knows I’d do the same for him.
“I let my parents down, Walks, and Maddie, too. I’m trying to fix that now, but it’s hard and I feel like shit about it. Maddie’s dealt with so much since your parents passed.” I pause. Talking about his parents’ death is hard for him, so I try to avoid it as much as possible. “I feel like we haven’t helped as much as we could have. It was easier just to let her handle it. Same with my mom. It was easier to let her fix all my problems and just focus on hockey. But it wasn’t fair and I’m ashamed that I didn’t see what was going on around me. That I was blind to everyone’s efforts. I’m not that guy, or at least, I don’t want to be that guy. Neither my dad or Mads were wrong about what they said, although Dad was a bit less harsh.” I say with a depreciating laugh. “Not gonna lie, Mads was the hardest to hear. You know how I feel about her.”
Walker nods and looks thoughtful for a minute. He takes the time to think things through when it’s important. I appreciate him for that.
“Are your dad and Maddie the only thing driving these changes? Or are you doing it for you too?” he asks. That’s a fair question.
“At first, yeah, I think it was for her and my dad. Maybe in part to prove them wrong but also to try to win her over, but the more into this process I get, the more it’s becoming for me. If I’m gonna be the Captain of my team, it’s important to set an example. I can’t expect people to follow my lead if they don’t respect me. That means off the ice as well. I think Mads and my dad started a kind of chain reaction for me, but I’m the one propelling it forward.”
“So, this is real. What you’re doing.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Cool. Cool.” he says as he nods. “Hate to have to kick your ass, on Maddie’s behalf.”
I snort. Like he could. We’re hockey players, but we do try not to make fighting our first choice. Sometimes without success. I wisely say nothing.
“What’s your plan here. What do you need help with?” He asks. His offer is a balm to my anxiety.
“Really? You mean it?”
“Yeah. You’re not wrong about taking what Maddie said seriously. I was mad at first, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it especially after the break-in and all. It hit home, man. Hard.”
“That scared the shit out of me.”
“I know. Me, too. I meant to tell you thank you, but I forgot. I heard you leave that night and I knew you had her. That’s the only reason I didn’t go myself. I’m trying to be a better brother, but I’m so glad you went that night.”
“I’ll always have her, Walks. You can count on it. Worst night’s sleep ever but worth it.”
“I bet! So back to the plan.”
“Look, I know you hate cleaning but I can’t live like this. I’ll get us a cleaning service but until then, we’re it. I can’t have Maddie coming over and seeing it like this. It’s gonna ruin all my work and no offense, but it’s nasty.”
“Okay, fair. I mean I hate it but I get it. We had a cleaning service so I’ve never had to worry about it. I’ve been a little lazy on that front.” I raise both my eyebrows at him. A little?
“Dude, your bathroom is like a toxic waste dump. I’m afraid to go in there. Not sure what I’ll catch.”
“Yeah, well yours isn’t that clean either. Trust me. I’ve looked.”
“Okay. What do we do? I mean I hate to admit it but I have no idea how to clean a bathroom.”
“Yeah, me either. That’s kind of why I didn’t clean it.”
“I’m calling bullshit on that, Walks.”
He grins at me. Not a shred of repentance.
“YouTube.” he says, grabbing his phone.
