“Fergs, seriously? Your mom hasn’t been over to your place since I got here. What’s up with that?”
He’s right. Last time he was here, we saw my mom every day. Now I know why. The guilt creeps up again, and I grimace. It’s been riding me hard for the last few weeks. I feel like a dick for not noticing what was happening right in front of me. Even though I’m embarrassed as all hell, I tell him about our conversation.
“You really didn’t know?” Walker asks after I’ve finished going through the whole thing. We’re a couple of miles in, so I’m breathing hard now, and it takes a minute for me to answer.
“Uh, yeah. I know. I’m an idiot.”
“I don’t think you’re an idiot. You’re just get extremely focused. It’s your super power.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m serious. When you go after something, you don’t let anything get in your way. It’s pretty fucking cool.”
We’re silent for a while. Mainly because it’s getting harder to talk and still keep the pace, but also because now he’s given me something to think about.
“Think you’re done beating yourself up about this yet? You know your mom and dad are already over it, right?” Trust Walker to be blunt.
We’ve finished our run, so we’re drinking our cold brews outside The Rocky Bean, our neighborhood coffee shop. It’s early morning, so it’s busy, but most people are on their way to work, so we have the outside seating area to ourselves. I stretch, enjoying the late summer sunshine.
“Probably not and yes, I know.”
“Gonna give you some advice. You might recognize it. Every time you fail at something.. “
“There’s an opportunity to learn.” We both finish the sentence together. Dad may have dropped that sage piece of wisdom on us a time or two after we’d received some brutal feedback.
“Why do I still feel like such a dick?” I squirm in my seat, my self-loathing particularly potent this morning. Maddie’s criticism is the hardest to shake, which is not something I’m comfortable admitting.
“Because it’s your mom and she’s like the nicest person on the planet. I get it.”
“Yeah, that’s a part of it.”
“Hard to fix when you’re wallowing, man.”
“I’m not wallowing.”
Okay, I’m wallowing, but I’m not normally a guy who wallows. I’m a professional athlete, so I’m used to the criticism. My dad taught me to take it all with a grain of salt, focusing on the things I’m able to work on and improve, and to make sure that my emotional reaction didn’t dictate response. For me, the second seems harder than the first, especially with Maddie.
“You so are.” He says with a laugh.
“Fuck off.” I flip him off for good measure before grinning at him. “We better head out. We’ve got that team meeting at noon.”
I watch the excitement build around me as Damon introduces our new coach and they walk us through the pre-season training format. Even the vets look pumped when they detail all the upgrades and new programs they’re implementing. I expected more resistance from some of the older players, so it’s a pleasant surprise when their reactions are favorable.
Coach and Damon finish up their presentation with my introduction as this year’s captain. As I make my way to the front of the meeting room, hearing the heartfelt applause and enthusiastic wolf whistles is incredibly gratifying. I’m not comfortable in my position yet, but the team’s reception of the announcement is enough to give my confidence a boost. Despite writing something to say earlier, I decide it’s too cheesy, and I’m just going to wing it.
“Thanks to everyone who put my name in the hat. I want you to know I take this to heart. If you know me, you know I’m always willing to put in the work. So, you need to know I’ll be putting in the work as your captain too. We’ve got a chance this year to rewrite our story. To take this team to a new level. I think that’s something worth fighting for. Who’s with me?”
Once the meeting’s over, we head into the gym for our fitness evaluation. For once, I’m anticipating this season instead of dreading it. I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until this moment. And fuck if I’m we’re let us go back to that again.
I make my way over to a group of the younger players. Most of them are new, so I want to introduce myself, and get to know them a bit. I hang out for a while, but when they start discussing a group chat for Call of Duty, I take it as a sign to move on. I’ve decided to take a step back from video games this season. Look at me, adulting like a pro.
“Can you believe that bullshit speech? It’s like they don’t even know hockey. What a couple of pussies.”
Glancing to my left, I’m unsurprised to find Karl Bell, asshole extraordinaire, wearing his usual sour look. I know from painful personal experience that he’s responsible for the worst hazing incidents. I may not have been able to do something about it before, but I certainly can now.
It’s time to put a stop to his bullshit. I refuse to let him continue harassing the younger players. I’m taking a stand, and it feels damn good.
“I’d love to see you call Damon Hawk a pussy to his face. Go on, Bell, he’s right over there.” I stare him down, not giving an inch.
