He shook his head no, then he nodded his head a bit. Okay, so maybe he had some memories? It explained the way he’d phrased things.
“Do you know what reapers do, Sebbie?” I asked.
He made eye contact with me, then he shook his head. I thought it over for a moment, remembering the man in black’s words. I didn’t know if Sebbie was ready to remember or not, but I wouldn’t let him struggle with this.
“You know what a ferryman does, and I saw that image of you when we were in that basement. But I also saw another image: a reaper. I thought that somehow maybe you were both those things, although that shouldn’t be possible,” I admitted.
He really focused on me. “You knew all along? You knew that I killed people, and you still loved me?”
“Oh, baby.” I dragged him into my arms, rubbing his back and kissing his head. I couldn’t bear to hear the pain in his voice. “A reaper doesn’t kill people. They collect souls that are due for death. I think you’ve probably been reaping the souls that you ferried across the river all along. Good people who were ready for the next step. There’s nothing shameful about that. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Do you understand?”
Sebbie nodded his head against me, and then he pulled back. He looked down, still avoiding my eyes. “I don’t think that’s all I’ve done, though, Corbin.”
I lifted his chin. “Sebbie, I torture and kill hellbound souls. That’s my job. Anything you tell me will not make me love you any less, or think any differently of you. Do you understand?”
He chuckled a little, even though it sounded teary, then he wiped at his eyes. “Yeah, okay.”
“What do you remember?” I asked him
He sighed. “Bits and pieces. It starts with the basement. I remember you talking to me. You called me little reaper. You’ve called me that a bunch of times, and I never once put together what it actually meant. I feel kind of stupid.”
Guilt swamped me. “You arenotstupid. You weren’t ready to know. I shouldn’t have called you that. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. Don’t you dare feel bad. I liked when you called me that. I knew it was familiar, but it never bothered me. Then this morning I remembered the basement. Little bits and pieces came back to me. It’s weird. They’re sort of like snapshots, and IknowI’m in them, but somehow I feel like I’m watching it. Like it’s a movie or something, you know?”
I nodded my head. It made sense. Sebbie hadn’t embraced his reaper side, so he’d dissociated from it. Or perhaps it really was something that was slightly separate from him. I wasn’t sure which it was.
Sebbie’s face turned toward the window, but I didn’t think he was seeing outside. “You’re calling me little reaper, and the guy is in my arms, and he’s dying, but Corbin… That’s the weird part. Because hewasn’tdying. He wasn’t dying, and I wasreally madabout that. Why would I have been angry about that?”
“She was torturing him,” I answered. “She was sucking the immortality from him to make herself immortal. He’d done something to cheat death, and she was taking it from him.”
“You can’t cheat death,” Sebbie said, his voice flat.
“No, I suppose you can’t,” I agreed. “What else do you remember?”
“I remember Thea killing her.” Sebbie looked up at me then. “Only, she didn’t, did she? The wound healed, or something. It’s fuzzy. I can remember beingso mad, Corbin, even if the emotion doesn’t feel real now. I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad. She was going to try and do that to all of you, and it waswrong.”
“Yes, it was,” I reassured him.
He looked away again. “Then I’m sort of outside of myself, and I’m swinging something, and you’re all with me. Everyone in that room. Only that wasn’t quite right, because I really only needed the woman and the old man, so I only kept them. I kept them, and I guess I encased them in stone by the river until I was ready to deal with them.
“And then I remember that house. I heard the two men fighting, and it was like I was being called. I knew someone was going to die. I got there, and Corbin… I think I was supposed to take the old man. I think he was dying. But I didn’t want to take him. He was a good person. I think I stood over his son, and I remember swinging something again, and I took his soul instead.”
Sebbie looked at me. I nodded my head. That made sense. I hadn’t known that reapers could choose, but then most afterlifers had forgotten about reapers, so not much was known about them.
“You did the right thing, Sebbie. We even took the son across the river. He was glad you chose him instead. You have nothing to feel guilty about,” I reassured him.
“It feels… I don’t know, Corbin. It feels icky and gross and kind of awful to know that I killed people. Those people in the hospital, too. And I think… I think sometimes they didn’thaveto die. I think sometimes I killed them. The man with heartproblems. He was… he was really not nice, and I don’t think it was his time. I think I killed him anyway.”
I pulled Sebbie into a hug, rubbing his back and his arms, kissing the top of his head. “It’s okay, baby. You’re a good person. You do right by people, always. If you killed someone ahead of their time, then you had a reason. Besides, death is not an ending. It’s only a new beginning. Perhaps you knew they needed a new beginning. Whatever the case, you didnothing wrong. Do you understand?”
He nodded against my chest. “It just feels wrong, you know? It feels like the opposite of what I’m meant to do.”
“I know. I know it hurts, but you take care of all the souls in your possession. You always have. You’ve never done anything wrong. You’ve set things right in the universe and helped people who needed it.”
“I don’t want to choose,” Sebbie whispered against my chest.
Somehow I knew what he meant. He didn’t want to choose who lived and who died.
