“At least, that’s what I tell people when I feel like talking about it,” he said, frowning. “It’s not the full truth.”
“Okay, then what is the full truth?”
“Iwas the drunk driver,” he said. Against all logic and sense, his eyes darted to mine, and I saw the wariness.
“Okay,” I repeated, cocking my head. “So you had too many, got behind the wheel, and ended up ruining your back for life.”
“Yes,” he said, and I could still sense him watching me.
I realized he was waiting for me to say something. “I don’t know what you want from me here, Rowan. I get the feeling you’re waiting for me to say something, but I don’t know what you want to hear.”
“I want to hear what you think about that.”
“Sure, one question...were you the only one hurt?”
“Ah, yes, I was.”
“Alright. Well, you did something incredibly stupid. Everyone knows driving drunk is dangerous, and it kills thousands every year, including people who didn’t make that bad decision. You could have easily hurt or killed innocent people who didn’t do a damn thing wrong. But...you hurt yourself instead. You fucked up your back and changed your life permanently. You did an incredibly selfish and dangerous thing, but you were the one to pay the price. So if you want me to beat you up for it, I’m not going to. I mean...you haven’t done it since, right?”
“No.”
“Then you learned your lesson. The only thing you can do now is decide how you’re going to handle that lesson. Plus, I couldn’t beat you up any more than you’ve already beaten yourself up, or at least, I hope not.”
He shot me a bemused look. “Why would you hope that?”
“Because if I could beat you up more than you did, it means I’m a lot meaner than I thought, or you didn’t beat yourself up enough.”
To my surprise, he tipped his head back and laughed. “I see. That makes sense.”
“I sense you’re relieved,” I said with a frown. “Did you think I was going to get up and beat your ass or chew you out?”
“You...lost the only family you had to a drunk driver,” he said slowly.
I froze, my lips parting in realization, and I closed my eyes with a sigh. Nowthatexplained why he had been so wary, and why he had been watching me so intently after telling me. I suspected it was because he was afraid I’d condemn him for something people universally condemned, but now I understood. He had been looking at me not as someone who would moralize for the sake of it, but as someone who had been personally affected by someone who had made the same terrible decision. He had beenworriedthat it was going to bring back old memories for me that would cause me discomfort or pain.
I smiled at him. “So there it is, finally.”
He stared at me, confusion etched into each feature of his face. “What?”
“I’ll give you this much: you’re good at coming off as someone who doesn’t care about others and isn’t worried about what they think or feel, but...you do care. Maybe I should have realized it when I saw that you got along with Clay despite him being the biggest dick hound this place has ever seen,” I said with a shake of my head. “But you do care about people, and thefact that you were worried about my feelings when telling me about what was probably the worst night ofyourlife tells me that.”
He frowned. “My actions are not without consequence; it doesn’t take caring to understand that someone who lost his parents to a drunk driver could be upset learning I had done the same thing.”
“Andyoupaid for it, no one else. You didn’t create another parentless child; you didn’t kill an innocent person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m touched that you were worried about my feelings, and I appreciate you approaching the subject with care, but you don’t need to worry about telling me things just because you’re afraid it might upset me, alright?”
Rowan watched me, evaluating me, and I stared back, knowing he was probably searching to see if I was being genuine or just doing my job. I hoped he was good at seeing the truth, because I wasn’t upset or bothered. It had taken a lot for him to tell me the truth, and now it was clear that telling me specifically was hard because of my history. That told me that, at the very least, he not only cared about other people but also cared for me.
What a strange warmth that created...and probably dangerous.
ROWAN
“And that just about covers ittoday,” the instructor said softly.
That was all I needed to let out a soft sigh, flop onto the ground, and lie there for a minute. My muscles felt achy and pleasantly weak, and I couldn’t tell if I was feeling better or if I'd suffer for it later. I turned my head to find Luka on the mat next to me, a layer of sweat shining on his face as he stretched for a little longer, and I envied his stamina. Or at least, I envied his ability to go through all that with only a light sweat.
“Doing alright over there?” he asked softly as the others in the room got up.
“Dandy,” I muttered, opening my eyes to shoot him a dirty look. It was interrupted because he clearly wasn’t done torturing himself, taking another position involving him being face down, ass up. I forgot why I was irritated as he pushed his ass back. At that point, all he needed to do was arch his back and groan, and I would completely forget why he was irritating me.
