I raised a brow and darted forward, snatching the chips and flopping back onto the bed with a grunt. “If I were worried about dignity, I wouldn’t have gotten very far in life.”
“Mmm,” he said thoughtfully, though whether that was to what I said or because I had grabbed the chips and he was plotting revenge, I didn’t know. “And why is that?”
“Why wouldn’t I have made it far in life?” I asked.
“Correct.”
“Oh.” I suddenly felt uncomfortable now the topic had swung to the chaos that was my life rather than the merits of a TV show that hadn’t aired in years. “I, uh, I don’t know. I’ve never been...stable, I guess is the word. I’ve jumped around jobs, lived all over the place, met all sorts of people, but I never chose to stay anywhere for long, I guess.”
“Where have you lived?”
“Jesus, all over the country. I’ve mostly stuck to big cities because there’s a lot going on, obviously, and it’s easier to find work. People are always coming and going from jobs, and sometimes you can get lucky and be hired on the spot, even if it’s only for a few weeks.”
He took hold of his mug and stared down with a frown that told me it was empty. “So you’ve led a fairly unmoored, nomadic life then.”
“That makes it sound a lot more...I don’t know, romantic than it actually is,” I said with a snort. “I’ve just been...I was never able to find somewhere that worked for me. Every time I stuck around too long, I just got restless.”
“Restless,” Rowan repeated, unnecessarily in my opinion.
“Yes, restless,” I said with a frown. “You might not be familiar with it, but yes, I got restless.”
He scoffed. “I was surprised. You haven’t struck me as restless by nature.”
“Really? I mean, I know you’ve never said you were the best at reading people, but I would have thought that was pretty obvious.” I snorted, popping a chip into my mouth and chewing noisily. “It’s not like I give off the feeling of being in control of my life or stable.”
Rowan frowned. “Is that what you think?”
I stared at him for a moment. “What is ityouthink?”
He watched me before shrugging. “You’re certainly not completely stable or confident in yourself and your life, but considering this is a new job or possibly, a career, that would make sense. It’s common to enter a new job or career nervously, looking to find one's way without looking like a fool. You have been dedicated to making sure you’re doing your job well, even if you are unsure, and nothing you or anyone else has said led me to believe you were so...unmoored.”
“Hmm,” I hummed thoughtfully. “I guess there’s that. Kind of hard for people to know your past when you try not to let it follow you everywhere.”
“That is true,” he said in amusement.
I sighed. “Well, I guess, surprise? I’ve never settled down anywhere, or with anyone.”
“So, no friends to speak of?”
“I have people I still talk to now and then, exchange cards, maybe meet up once in a while when I’m in town, stuff like that.”
“Family?”
“Foster kid since I was eight.”
“I...oh.”
I wrinkled my nose at the shift in his tone. “Jesus, tell me that isn’t what’s going to make you soften up and try to be nicer to me.”
Rowan cocked his head. “Would you prefer I didn’t show sympathy?”
“Weren’t you the one who said you hated the idea of someone pitying you?” I asked with a laugh. “Or does that only count for you?”
“If it’s that troublesome, I’ll keep my sympathy to myself.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not like you; it doesn’t bother me if someone feels bad for me. I know the stories, and I have a few of my own. The foster system sucks ass; I won’t pretend it doesn’t,and I won’t tell people they shouldn’t give me the look you just did, or tell me they’re sorry to hear that.”
“It doesn’t bother you?” he asked in one of those moments where he sounded genuinely curious as opposed to being judgmental.
