“And if he hadn’t managed to make inroads with me?”
“Speaking of interesting language choice,” he said, and I froze as I realized what I had just admitted. He continued before I could say anything else. “And even if he hadn’t managed to make inroads, that wouldn’t be a mark against him. In this line of work, there are so many variables that are impossible to predict, let alone anticipate and deal with properly. That he didn’t connect with youcouldhave been a failure on his part, or it could have been a simple lack of compatibility between you, which comes down to zero fault for anybody involved.”
“And if he had indeed failed because of something he’d done or not done?”
“You’ll hate this answer,” he said, sounding delighted by the prospect. “But I don’t like to think in terms of failure, but rather areas of improvement.”
“Hmm, you’re right, I do hate that.” There were, of course, times and places where something needed to be tweaked rather than called a mistake, but that was rare in my experience.
“Which makes sense when you’re the man who goes in and makes sure a company is doing what they’re supposed to be doing in the way they’re meant to do it,” he said, and while nothing in his face changed, I swear I felt an invisible searchlight pass over me like he was looking for something. “But in this line of work? You can’t really do that. You can’t tell people there’s a chance to recover or heal and then berate them with talk of failing. You tell them there are places to improve, or things that can be worked on with the right tools.”
“Yes,” I said dully. “I’ve heard the HR speech before; it’s all semantics in the end.”
“Semantics for you, perhaps, but for people who have spent their whole life being told they’re failing, screwing up, or having their worth measured by what they can succeed at rather than who they are?” he asked, cocking his head. “They deserve the chance to be somewhere that failure isn’t just accepted but expected, and made to realize that their worth as a person, as a man, hasn’t changed.”
There wasn’t much I could say that wouldn’t sound unfair or even churlish, so I stayed quiet. My attitude toward success and failure came from the nature of my job, but that job suited me because of my own nature, which saw things through a strict lens. I suppose that for someone like Reggie, seeing the way I was might lead him to assume my attitude and strictnesscame from my family. He would be right, but not in the way he thought.
He eyed me. “So...not that fond of Luka?”
“I never said one way or the other,” I told him stiffly. As much as I wasn’t ashamed of what Luka and I were doing, I didn’t want people sniffing around.
“Yes, I’m sure your willingness to spend time around him without an ounce of begrudging is not a sign that you’ve grown somewhat fond of him.”
“Is there a point to all this?”
“Naw, just thinking aloud. I was thinking of him, was all.”
“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear his boss was thinking about him.”
Reggie chuckled. “I’m sure he’d be pleased and nervous in equal measure. Pleased because it means I’m thinking well of him, but nervous because it might mean I’m worried about him, or worse, thinking badly of him. But really, I was thinking of him because he was looking for you when I came up here.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“You know, I didn’t think to ask. He said he was going to check if you were in your room,” Reggie said, staring out the window again, which had now become a soft black, the kind of blank slate that only happened minutes before the stars started making a show. “I pointed out that he could simply check his tablet to see if you had gone into your room, and he said that felt creepy.”
“At least he has some common sense,” I said with a snort, drinking the last of my coffee. “Though I suppose I should find him before he hunts me down. He doesn’t normally hunt me, but if he asked you, he might be, and I’d rather save myself the trouble.”
“Yes, better to get the miserable experience of meeting with him out of the way,” Reggie said, and although his back was to me, I could hear the smirk in his voice.
“Sarcasm might be charming on some people, but not you,” I told him as I took the mug with me, leaving him to chuckle, probably quite pleased with himself.
So what if he knew I didn’t hate Luka? So what if he realized I had grown comfortable with Luka’s presence? Why did I feel the need to balk at the very mention when it was not only perfectly normal but acceptable that the assigned guest and Guide would forge a bond? It wasn’t as if us getting closer was suspicious. Hell, it might even help Luka in the future if it was more obvious to others that he had managed to forge a bond with me.
Depositing my cup in one of the trays near a brewing station, I headed toward my room, wondering if I was going to find him there or if he had wandered off. My stomach flipped pleasantly when I realized that if he was in my room, we would be alone. I didn’t know if he was being cautious about spending too much private time with me, or if his libido was lower than mine. The first was an odd idea because I knew it wasn’t unusual for assigned guest and Guide pairs to spend time in their rooms together. I didn’t assume they were all doing what I planned on doing with Luka, but it was common enough that no one would bat an eye.
Opening my door, I looked around and felt a sinking disappointment. For one alarming minute, I realized it wasn’t the anticipation of an orgasm. Before the realization could sink in too deeply, though, I noticed the door to my private bathroom was closed, and the light was on, something I would never have done.
Humming thoughtfully, I set the door to privacy mode. Luka could have activated the mode himself, and I would still have been allowed in because that was how the system was set up,but that was probably the sort of thing he would avoid for fear of drawing attention to himself. I’d condemn it as pointless, but wasn’t I also being overly cautious? At least my reticence was on brand.
I was waiting when he emerged in a billowing cloud of steam, and stopped short when he saw me, his hand falling to the towel wrapped around his waist despite the privacy of the room and the fact that he had clearly dried himself. Leaning my face on my hand as I leaned against the table, I had to correct myself as I watched a droplet of water make its way down his chest and stomach before being soaked up by the towel.
“By all means, make yourself at home, use my shower,” I said softly, giving a slight smirk to show I was teasing. He hadn’t been abnormal or weird since the other day, but there was still a reluctance, a hesitance that hadn’t been there before. I didn’t want him to revert to the overly sensitive demeanor he’d had when we’d first dealt with each other, but I understood that meant I had to show everything was going to be okay.
“Based on the look you’re giving me right now, I’m guessing you’re just being a smart ass,” he said with a shake of his head, turning off the light behind him.
“And what look is that?” I wondered.
“I watched a cougar take down a small deer once,” he said. “And the look on its face was a lot like the one you have right now.”
