“A leg that ain’t there, yeah.”
“That therapy can help with.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Do more than think,” I told him with a soft smile. “I know it’s easier to see into other people’s heads, to show them more compassion than you’d show yourself, but maybe you should consider passing some of that kindness to yourself, too. Hiding behind a smile and a laugh isn’t going to cut it forever.”
Cade snorted. “Yeah, alright.”
I watched him go, knowing I probably hadn’t made the slightest dent in the armor he’d wrapped around himself, but I tried. Cade was a good guy, at least as far as I could tell. Unlike some, if not most, guys here, he was open about what had hurt him so badly. He was also one of those guests who looked like they would be here for a long time. Nothing about Arete had yet pierced his happy-go-lucky, friendly, and playful exterior.
A hand slid over my shoulder, and I jumped, letting out a breath when I saw Rowan beside me, raising a brow at my reaction. “Deep in thought?”
“A little,” I said with a nervous laugh. “Just trying to figure out Cade, I guess.”
“Are you supposed to be helping him too?” Rowan asked, and I sensed nothing but curiosity in the question.
“Supposed to? No, but if I can help, even a little, that’s worth something, right?”
“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t built a career or a life around helping people.”
“I mean, I appreciate the honesty.”
“What? Not everyone has the mentality to focus on helping others. That doesn’t mean I’ve built a life built around callousness or cruelty.”
“I...wasn’t saying that.”
“No, but many people think that if you aren’t a helper, then you must be a hurter. I can see Cade is carrying several lifetimes of guilt and pain under that smile...and Clay, for that matter.”
I raised a brow. “Clay? Really?”
“He let it slip the other day that he didn’t use to be so hypersexualized. When I probed a little further, I didn’t get very far, but far enough to knowsomethingsignificant happened in recent memory that changed him. It could be a tragedy, or it could have been like my ex.”
“Your...ex,” I said slowly and then cocked my head. “What was his or her story?”
A small smile curled at the corners of his lips. “He...was stuck in the closet, so far down even he didn’t realize. It wasn’t until a few years before I met him that he discovered he was solely attracted to men. The revelation was apparently shocking to him, and despite the way it turned his life upside down, it didn’t change the fact that he had an entirely new world open up. He was hypersexual after that, until he discovered that as fun as promiscuity was, it was ultimately empty and hollow.”
“Almost making up for lost time?” I asked.
“Indeed,” Rowan said, bringing his shirt up to wipe his face, and making me narrow my eyes as I felt my gaze pulled to the miles of skin he was showing. “Which is when he realized he wanted something more, and began dating.”
“You said ex.Why did you break up?”
He gave me a rueful smile. “He discovered a year into our relationship that he wanted to have fun while still having the security and company of a partner.”
I winced. “Ah, I see. I’m going to guess you weren’t privy to that decision.”
“I was not.”
“And when you found out?”
“I removed him from my life. I am many things, but my heart is not a halfway house, and whatever failings I possess, I do not deserve to be used.”
I eyed him. “You know, I really admire that.”
“But?”
“Huh?”
