“But as to my motivations and my conversation with the doctor, that was for information, yes, but it was for you as well.”
I stared at him. “I...what? For me? What?”
He frowned. “You haven’t just been avoiding the topic of our sexual interaction; you’ve been avoiding me. You have been around me because that’s what is expected, not because you wanted to.”
“Glad to see we understand that your warm and sunny disposition wasn’t winning any charm contests.”
“I know what I am. I would have to be an arrogant moron not to see the effect I have on people,” he said. “That said, I...detested the change in our relationship. Doctor Ramirez gave us information that soothed some frazzled nerves better than anything I could have come up with.”
“He did?”
“Yes, he confirmed that we are to treat each other as equals. You aren’t in a position of power over me, and I am not so vulnerable that I am considered protected. In other words?—”
“We’re both adults capable of consent,” I said dryly, realizing what he’d done and shaking my head. “You know, having a conversation with me to get this stuff out in the open works fine, too. You didn’t have to go through this whole song and dance with the poor doctor, even if he had no idea that’s what was going on.”
“Why? A conversation between us before this would have been wasteful,” he said, frowning in confusion. “You’ve been feeling unnecessary guilt, and I’ve been frustrated with the change between us. With this out of the way, you have an outside, trusted source reminding you that we’re on the same level, and I’m not some delicate doll that has to be treated with care. And in case you haven’t noticed, wearehaving that conversation.”
I squinted at him. “I...alright, that is sweet actually.”
He scowled. “It is not.”
“So, thank you for making me feel better about it. I’m not sure how you feel about helping people, but you’re good at it when you do it your way.”
“Thank...you,” he said, looking unsure before shaking his head. “In any case, I wanted that cleared up so it wasn’t hanging over us.”
“I think you did quite well,” I said with a smile. “Anything else?”
“Ah, yes, before I leave to have some quiet time to think about what I’ve learned today,” he said as he stood up and leaned over me, suddenly extremely close. “Since we are equals, and we clearly enjoyed ourselves the other day, my door remains open. I will never offer again, and I will not bring it up unless you do. It’s a standing offer, so if you want to think on it, by all means, take your time.”
And with that, he walked out, rolling his shoulders in a way that told me he was feeling stiff again. There was probably something that could be rubbed into his back to help with that, but I couldn’t picture him going to our medical wing for help. I would probably have to do it myself, and that was inviting further sexual tension between us, which wasnotsomething I wanted.
Right?
ROWAN
As much asI wanted to say the view was the only thing Arete had going for it, that wouldn’t be exactly right. There were several things I had grown to like over the past few weeks, not least of which was their appreciation of quiet. There were enough places in the resort where people were encouraged to be loud, even rowdy. Yet there were also designated quiet areas, and anyone who knew me knew I would seek them out before more social settings.
I wasn’t sure what the room was supposed to be other than a Quiet Room. Considering the people who had come in occasionally sat in a corner to talk quietly, I suppose ‘quiet’ was the only thing that mattered. Not silent, of course; if someone truly wanted silence, there were always the noise-cancelling headphones they offered.
A bit of noise was exactly what I wanted. Too much quiet felt like the back of my brain was getting itchy, and I could hear my own heartbeat thundering in my chest, the sound enough to make me understand a murderer obsessing over their victim’s heartbeat under the floorboards. I wanted just enough noise to cover up the unnerving silence, but not so much that it disrupted any rhythm I had built up while keeping myself occupied.
I looked up from the report I had been writing about the past week and frowned when I saw a message on my device. It was from Hannah, and after a moment of consideration, I slid one of my earbuds into my ear, keeping the other free so I could hear how much noise I was making on the phone. Conversations were permitted, but you had to be mindful, something I would have done anyway, even without the reminder posted at the entrance.
She picked up on the third ring. “Wow, so youcanuse your phone there. I thought they were keeping you hostage.”
“It’s a wellness retreat, not a cult,” I reminded her as I brought my report back up, pulling the keyboard closer. “Which means you aren’t required to check up on me every chance you get.”
“I’ve texted you once a week, if that, since you left.”
“And considering your schedule, that constitutes ‘every chance you get.’”
She laughed. “Smartass. Well, I’m just glad you’re alive.”
“I am.”
“And...well.”
I snorted, taking a sip of my tea and frowning when I found it cold. I didn’t want to get up, but it wasn’t like this place had people to serve you. Their belief in freedom also encouraged it, since most activities you had to join of your own accord, and there was no set schedule. The closest facility was a self-serve where you could brew your own coffee and tea.
