“I think the ones actin’ the gayest are the straightest,” he chuckled. “Reminds me of the Army. Some of my boys could say stuff that made you wonder, but fuck if they weren’t the straightest folk you ever met. Got to the point that you could figure out which ones weren’t straight real easy.”
“Because they weren’t...doing gay things?” I guessed.
His hand appeared and tried to snap before he remembered his fingers were wet, and he grunted instead. “That’s the one. I mean, some of ‘em would ‘cause they knew it wasn’t really gay, just boys bein’ boys, but the new ones? They would be real nervous about that sorta thing. I heard that’s changed, though.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, guess you can’t figure out which ones are gay and which ones ain’t ‘cause they’re all doin’ it now. Good for them, a little grab ass ain’t gonna bother no one.”
“I...see,” I said, because no, the fuck I did not see in the slightest.
Cade grinned. “Sorry, hope I’m not givin’ the wrong idea or nothin’. I ain’t gay, but I hope ya can see I ain’t got a problem with all that. Folks are folks, don’t really care where you stick things or get things stuck, just so long as you ain’t a shit head, ya know?”
“I think I do,” I said. I didn’t know if his rough but accepting demeanor was charming or if the relaxation of the hot water was helping, but I wasn’t bothered by his presence. “I’m sorry if I don’t talk much, I’m not quite sure what to say.”
“Naw, don’t go worryin’ about all that,” he said with a grin. “I talk a lot, I know. Plus, I can see you’re really enjoyin’ the water. Is it your back?”
“I...didn’t think people asked those kinds of questions around here.”
“Oh, the people workin’ here won’t, they’re big on lettin’ people have their privacy and talkin’ when they want to...if they want to. But folk like you an’ me? We can ask, ya don’t have to answer, is all.”
“Yes,” I said slowly. “My back. I had...an accident a few years ago.”
“Ah yeah,” he groaned, and I watched his legs appear as he floated on his back, forcing me not to pay attention to what else might pop above the surface. “Got a cyborg back?”
I thought about it for a moment and then laughed. “Yes, I suppose it is as much metal as it is skin, muscle, and bone.”
“Yeah,” he repeated, drawing his legs back and standing up. Sheer politeness kept my eyes locked on his face despite the fact that he clearly didn’t care what he was showing. “Kinda hard to see here, but my hips are the same, right down my leg too. Got so many damn rivets and screws, I’m part robot.”
I looked and felt my stomach twist. He had clearly been in some sort of accident, or, considering his earlier comment, perhaps a fight that had gone wrong. The skin around his hip and down his thighs showed the distinct puckered marks of burns as well as other scars. Grinning, he lifted his leg, and I realized it stopped just below the knee, with only a nub of skin at the bottom.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened? I didn’t think we’d engaged in any active wars for some time,” I said as he eased himself back into the pool with all the grace of a water buffalo, sending water in every direction.
“Eh, we were holdin’ spots over in the Middle East, just not, ya know, ‘at war,’ whatever the fuck that means. Don’t mean shit won’t go tits up; it can, and does. We were tryin’ to get people out of a hot zone and thought we were in the clear. Turns out we weren’t,” he said with a chuckle. “Bird took a hit and everythin’ went to hell in a hand basket. If it weren’t for my boys and their quick thinkin’, I would’ve been a smear somewhere in some God-forsaken shit hole desert.”
He clearly had strong opinions on the region, but it was hard to blame him when he’d literally left parts of himself behind. “That was good of them. I suppose you trained them well.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Didn’t save them though. Saved me, but?—”
“Oh, I...” I hesitated, then went for the truth because it was the only thing I could think to say. “I don’t actually know what to say. I’ve never been in that situation, and quite frankly, I’mterribleat comforting people.”
He stared at me for a moment before grinning. “Ah, don’t worry about it, appreciate you at least thinkin’ you should try to make me feel better. I ain’t never gonna feel alright, so no one should try. Wish someone would tell these knuckleheads that, but they’re stubborn. I’ll give ‘em that. Only reason I keep comin’ back is because the families keep payin’ for it, sayin’ they won’t stop until I actually get somewhere, whatever the fuck that means.”
“You’re a long-term guest then?” I wondered.
“Yeah, this is like...my third run or somethin’ like that.”
“I suppose the program isn’t working for you then.”
“Me? Probably not. But don’t let me put ya off; I’m too thick in the skull for people to help. But there’s been plenty of guys I’ve seen come through here who got helped. Guys who got turned away by other programs, guys who were here as a last resort, guys who thought they weren’t never gonna feel alright again. It can happen, I’ve seen it.”
“And those that don’t have a whole lot that needs to be changed or fixed?” I wondered.
“Ha! One of those, eh?” he said, running his hands through his hair. “I’ve seen your type, too. And they come in the same way, but always leave in two different ways.”
“What ways?”
“Same way they came in, refusin’ to admit there’s anything wrong and that’s just how they’re always gonna be. See, we all got shit wrong with us, some of us more than others, but we’re all fucked up.”
