I push his shoulder playfully. “Yes, I’m being forced out. You know I love listening to you sing,” I say, with my mind flying to a memory.
The trouble is, it reminds me too much of him singing to me.
I snap the thought away before Jake notices.Although, I have a good feeling he does notice. The man sitting opposite me has always been able to read me like an open book.
Besides, the pain behind my eyes is always noticeable.
Jake places his hand on top of mine and gives me a supportive squeeze. “I’m just saying, Mabe’s. It’s been a while; you deserve to let loose every once in a while,” he says, looking at me with that cheeky grin and my heart swells at the comfort he offers me.
I love this kid.
I say kid; he’s twenty-nine years old.
He’s one of those that if I crack open a bottle of whiskey at eleven in the morning on a random Tuesday, he’ll be the first to shout, “Five o clock somewhere,” and then join me before tackling what the underlining issue could possibly be for drinking hard liquor in the morning; and this is coming through some serious experience.
Jake may be like another brother to me; however, I can’t forget that he is actuallyhis brother.
My heart murmurs at the thought.
“Besides, will be like our warmup for next week,” he says to me and laughs.
“I ain’t getting up on that stage, you’ve got tobe kidding?” I throw back at him in complete shock at the suggestion that I get on an actual stage, in front of people I don’t feel comfortable singing in front of.
This man almost forces me to sing with him at every family gathering. Refuses to sing a damn love song, yet I still get roped into it, because he refuses to sing one. I’m his scape goat on the requests he doesn’t want to do.
Besides, we’re the only ones who can carry a tune anymore. Trouble with Jake, he plays all my favourite country music and the urge to not sing along to me is too painful; he’s a slick, smart man.
I swallow the remainder of my glass of wine before reaching forward and lean onto my feet to stand up right.
“Go on, slick, be gone,” I wave him off as he laughs.
“See you tomorrow, Mabe’s. Make sure you say hi to my favourite girl now,” He wipes his arm across his lips.
“Will do,” I say, before turning on my heels back through the sliding doors. Closing the blinds, I’m left with his soft smile and a warmness in my ever-broken heart.
The little brother I never asked for, yet I wouldn’t be standing here today without him. Thelittle brother who picked up his big brothers’ messy pieces in me without a moment’s hesitation.
The little brother I’d never be without.
The one who’s going to make someone so happy one day, providing he gets off his high horse and actually tries to meet someone. No one in this small town has ever seemed to take his fancy. People that like him, he’s never been interested in. As I watch him climb off my porch, I fantasise who she’ll be one day when he’s ready.
As I take a seat at my island, I pour myself another white wine, looking through the glass with hazy eyes.
Another day done, another day far away fromhim.
I lean my head against my glass, stem tightly grasped in hand. That’s when the tears begin to fall, like they did most nights, missing a ghost who disappeared on a planethat day and decided never to come back home.
Four
Maverick
Resting my head in the hand that’s being propped up by my elbow, where it leans against the window of my truck, the anxiety rumbles in my chest. I already feel the deep panic rising.
“It’s okay, we’re just going home,” I say to myself gripping tighter onto the steering wheel.
Shit, what am I thinking?
This isn’t okay.
