Ifroze.
Again.
I choked up and I let the tears fall. I let the panic control me.
Watching Mabel try to comfort me, when she’s the one who’s sharing her pain, the pain that I caused her, became too much for me to bare.
I knew the reason why I walked away, but finding the words so I won’t lose her again is becoming harder as the days go on.
I’m terrified.
Terrified she won’t forgive me.
Terrified she’ll be the one to walk awayfrom me this time.
This time, it’ll bemy fault.
Hearing her ask me if it was her fault broke my heart all over again. Even though I’m struggling to find the words to tell her, I want to be man enough to tell her that no, it’s never been her fault. Nothing she could do would push me away again.
Now I’ve got this small snippet of what heaven feels like, I refuse to walk away from it ever again.
But I know I can’t keep it from her forever, mainly because the red head sitting on my lap certainly won’t let me, and if I don’t tell her, I’ll still be risking losing her.
It isn’t just her anymore either.
Ellie has me, hooked line and sinker.
I can’t leave the one girl who I’ve been so in-love with since she was born, nor can I leave the little girl who I’d now give anything to be the dad that she doesn’t have.
I move my face away from Mabel’s collar bone and loosen up my grip from around her waist as she continues to straddle my lap. I worry in this moment that I’ll hurt her from how hard I’m holding onto her, clinging onto her like she’s the potion to my poison.
I try to get my breathing back to normal, feeling the end of my panic attack in sight. Mabel using her thumbs to wipe away the stray tearslining my cheeks, her eyes sparkling at me as she turns her lips into a gentle grin.
“Mav?” She pauses. “How long have you been having panic attacks?” she asks, hands still gently touching my face.
No one’s ever noticed I have them before.
But then again, no one could ever read me like she can; another reason of why I refused to move on from her, when I had so many opportunities to do so throughout the years.
I do my best to remove the lump from my throat by coughing, but my mouth’s still incredibly dry. I keep one arm around her as I lean forward to pick my beer up from the table. I take a long gulp to try and gain some wetness back enough for me to try string a sentence together.
Stroking my fingers along the bottom of her back, my eyes lock back onto hers. “I don’t know,” I start guessing. “A long time, ten years, maybe longer?” I shrug out.
“Do you take anything for them?” she asks, calmly.
“Yeah, the doctors gave me meds, but lately they’re uncontrollable. The meds aren’t doing shit,” I offer her the truth as I takeanother gulp of my beer, finishing the bottle.
“I get them as well, sometimes,” she smiles gently once again at me, offering me more comfort.
I don’t deserve her.
“Well, maybe...” she pauses, moving her hands down from my face and onto my chest. “I could help with that?” Her voice changes to a low husk as she only so slightly rubs her pussy against my cock. The naked eye couldn’t see it, but damn, do I feel it.
My body reacts instantly, and my erection pushes against my jeans once again, begging to be closer to her.
The heat rises in the pit of my stomach.
I stay sat in the chair as I watch Mabel lift herself off my lap and move her tiny frame in between my legs as she hovers only so slightly above me.
