Colter drops onto one knee next to the wood piled up in the middle and I lean back in my chair, letting out an exhale of true peace.
My eyes flicker over towards Maverick, who’s now sitting in between his brother and Luke, nursing over a glass of whiskey, laughing alongside them at some terrible joke that Jake’s just said.
I can’t help myself but smirk at the sight, pulling my own glass of wine to my lips. Ellie’s housed on my daddy’s lap, snuggling into his chest, eyes drooping heavy, yet refusing to give up into the sleep she clearly needs.
It’s a little passed nine-thirty in the evening and she’s so tired, refusing to give in, scared she’ll miss out on something important.
My eyes divert back towards Jake as I see him pull his guitar over his knee and the strap over his head. Colter takes this as a sign and throws a match onto the wood, igniting the campfire into burning ember of orange flames.
Strumming his hand over the strings on his guitar I hear the idle chit chat that’s happening around us come to an automatic stop and I take another sip of my wine, clearing my throat.
“Right, y’all,” he says and everyone looks towards him. “Me and Mabel actually done something a little differently this year and we’ve prepared a little something for ya,” Jake starts to speak, while I sit up in my seat, preparing myself.
“This one’s for the parents,” Jake winks at his mama before gliding his hand down the strings once again, starting the instrumental.
Jake and I decided this year to dedicate a couple of songs towards our parents and the wonderful legacy that they all would be leaving us one day, a proof of some sort that we could let them know that we are grateful to them for the small empiresthat they had built throughout the years.
Cody Johnsons – Dirt Cheapfills the air, and as I lean forward, taking the blanket that’s wrapped around me off my shoulders, leaving it to hang on the chair.
Jake begins to sing the first verse, and I look at him in awe. His voice always sounds like the heavens just opened, no matter what he chose to sing, especially in this type of environment. I start to sway along to the music.
Jake comes to the end of the first verse, and I see his eyes automatically lock to mine. As the chorus starts, I breathe in a deep breath through my nose, open my mouth and start to quietly sing along with him. Heads turn towards me, smiles on each one of their faces.
I catch my daddy’s eye and continue to sing the chorus to him, my daughter looking at me from his lap and her eyes full of admiration at our harmony together, my confidence grows more as the song goes on. I let Jake take charge of the song, only singing along to the chorus. His voice is so much better than mine, more trained and precise.
My voice is okay; I can hold a tune alongside a country song. It’s not anything special but done the job when it came to being a back-up singer. I’m certainly not about to be the newLainey Wilsonany time soon; nor do I want to, my place is right here, in this small world, with the people I love.
As the song finishes, Jake and I lock eyes once again, both with huge smiles on our faces as we hear the group burst into an applause. I move my gaze from Jake over to Maverick, who’s now standing, clapping his hands in an aggressive fashion, face beaming with pride at me.
Catching his glare, my cheeks burning with embarrassment when I notice the subtle wink that he sends my way.
Jesus Christ…
I feel the heat rising in the pit of my stomach.
Is it hot out here, or is it the wine?
No, it’s got to be the fire.
Right?
I exhale a ridged breath which makes my hair move away from my face.
Seeing him here, interacting with Ellie and my family like nothing’s happened, is becoming increasingly difficult. It’s like I can’t stop myself from forgetting all the pain and devastation that was left upon my life. My heart flutters every time he looks at me, making my brain act like ithas amnesia over the last thirteen years.
Shaking my head and taking another swig of my drink, Jake fires up our next song on the guitar. AnotherCody Johnsonsong; The Fall.
This time feeling the courage from the fuck ton of alcohol I’ve consumed today, alongside Mavericks eyes glaring into my soul from across the firepit, I decide to sing the whole song alongside Jake. Doing my best to keep in pitch with my best friend, Jake smiles longingly at me, tears forming in his eyes at the sound that we manage to create together with little to no effort.
Coming up to the part where he speaks about the pain behind the life we were all so accustomed to and wouldn’t change for the world, my eyes flicker back to Maverick, doing my best to make it known of the mistake he made by leaving the life that we all adore so much, singing my words directly to him.
Call it a last will to make him feel slightly guilty about leaving his family in the shit, as well as mine.
Leavingme.
Leaving the life, we should have had together.
His gaze never leaves mine and I continue to sing the lyrics to the song without effort, watching the faces of those around us through my peripheral vision, never faltering on the last attempt I’ll do tomake him feel a little guilty before I know I’ll more than likely give in to him.
