Boy, had I been wrong.
Watching my daughter fall in love with it, was even more magical than I could ever experience; now I know how my dad must have felt all those years ago watching us.
The joy replaced with Maverick’s heartbroken face still at the forefront of my mind. The realisation to the questions he probably had himself since Saturday when he first saw her. I know he left and completely broke me; but seeing him looking heartbroken stirred something in me.
Everyone knows I never got over him or moved on. I’m still very much in love with the boy who left me all those years ago.
Still holding onto the dream that we never accomplished. Seeing him hurt, made me hurt even more than I already am; making my anger slowly subside.
Ellie pulls me from my thoughts again; this time it’s extremely welcomed.
I open the large sliding door at the back of the big house and lead my daughter into the kitchen. I notice the time on the large grandfather clock in the corner, past the dining room table which is big enough to fit twenty on a good day, more on a squeeze. We’d done that plenty of times when we were kids.
It’s a little past two in the afternoon and Ellie runs straight past me and over to my mama who’s busying herself in the kitchen, making what looks like a key lime pie for tomorrow. I scan the island and see six different types of pie. I look back at my mom and smile.
“Too much?” she asks, turning around wiping her hands down her apron.
“No, Mama, never.” I humour her.
Ellie runs past me yet again and straight into my mom’s arms.
“Mamaw, I did it! I herded the cows,” Ellie squeals with excitement. Lovely, she can now chew mamas ears off about her morning.
“That’s amazing, Ellie-Belly!” My mom responds, giving her a tight hug.
I make my way towards my family’s liquor cabinet and pull out my daddy’s whiskey. My mom eyes me from the side of her embrace with Ellie. I place the bottle on the island and reach for a glass.
Mama lets Ellie go and looks at me with concern. “Ellie girl, Gramps is in the lounge, why don’t you go tell him all about your morning. He’s very excited tohear all about it,” my mom winks at my daughter.
I pour the whiskey into the glass and put the lid back onto the bottle before taking a sip. The sweet liquor burns down my throat, and I let out a deep sigh, relaxing my shoulders as I go.
“Okay!” Ellie squeals before taking off running down the hall towards the front of the house, not even giving us a second glance as she speeds off.
I look up from my glass at my mama who is already eyeballing me, hands perched on her hips.
“Please, don’t start,” I say, taking another sip.
My mom takes her hands off her hips and removes her apron, folding it gently onto the island.
“Angel,” my mom says before I feel the familiar lump already forming hard in my throat.
I don’t look her in the eye, because I know as soon as I do, I’m going to fall apart, and I really don’t want to do that. The way she’s looking at me now though makes me realise I don’t think I have a choice.
“Mama-” I whisper as my favourite woman reaches me and wraps her arms tightly around me, pulling me into her chest as I sit on the bar stool with one foot on the floor holding my balance.
A sob exits my mouth, and my nose starts to run. I feel the tears seeping down my cheeks as Ipull my hand away from my glass and return my mom’s hug, even tighter than when it first started.
We stay there for a few minutes, me sobbing as quietly as I can into my mama’s shoulder as she holds onto me so tight.
At one point, I debate if I can breathe against her, I also debate if it’s from the crying the reason I’m struggling to breath; maybe both.
As I start to calm down from the ache in my chest, I feel mama’s fingers stroking the top of my head, getting stuck in my thick hair. I look up at her and meet her eyes.
“Feel better?” She smiles; fingers still intertwined in my scalp.
I wipe the tears away from my cheeks and reach for a tissue on the counter. I blow my nose with force and scrunch the tissue up in my hands, refusing to put it down in case I need it again.
“Sorry, Mama,” I choke out.
