“I’m so excited for the morning Mama,” she says with a glint in her eye. Ellie may be excited, but I’m not.
I still haven’t spoken properly to my brother about Maverick. I still can’t believe it that he went behind my back and offered him that job. Especiallyafter watching me fall apart over the years since he left. I’ll put on a fake smile for my daughter. She doesn’t need to know.
“Me too, Ellie-Belly. Go right to sleep, we need to be out by six, sharp!” I say, placing yet another good night kiss on her forehead.
“I will do Mama, I love you,” she says with a yawn.
“I love you too, sugar,” I say, turning off her light and leaving the door slightly ajar.
I place my head on the wall next to her bedroom and let out a quiet sigh. Not only am I not speaking to my brother, but I’m also about to go out with the herd, with the man who broke my heart. I have to be nice to him in front of my daughter, because her young mind is none the wiser, nor needs to know about it.
Seeing her speaking to him yesterday was certainly something I never banked on happening. I asked Jake years ago to not tell his brother anything about my life.
It was a way of coping for me and for me to try and let go. I can’t say it worked; I never was able to let go of him.
Ellie’s deeply amused by the fact her uncle has a brother; one who she’d never heard of. I tried my best to explain that no; Maverick is not her uncle and no, did in fact not live here, he lived far away.She may be nine, but that girl certainly isn’t stupid. I reckon she can sense the tension.
Moving my head away from the wall, I walk down towards my kitchen and eye up the bottle of wine I left there. I know I shouldn’t, as I’m up early and have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow, but my days only seem to get more trying.
I spent the weekend avoiding my family, spending time with Ellie, even skipped church this morning pretending illness.
We took my horse, Dusty and Ellie’s horse, Shadow out today, having a warmup for tomorrow. I done my best to teach Ellie how to lasso and the girl started to pick it up as the day went on. No harm in some early practice.
I don’t want to see Colter, neither do I want the unnecessary fussing from my parents at my demons returning to haunt me.
I decide on the latter and pour a glass of white as my phone buzzes againstthe island.
Jake; Out ya come, sweet cheeks. ;)
I automatically sag in relief.
Someone who I always want to talk too.
Sliding the back door Jake’s in his usual spot on the porch, whiskey in hand.
“Little birdie tells me you’re avoiding everyone,” he says, taking a sip of his drink.
I take a seat on my swing, holding my wine glass tightly to my chest.
“Y’all need to learn to mind ya business and stop listening to that damn bird.” I wink at him, trying to use comedy to avoid the topic.
He laughs, bringing a hand up to scratch his beard. “How you doing, honey?” He offers me a tender look, and I shift in my swing.
“Not great,” I shrug out. Jake leans over and squeezes my knee.
“I know, it can’t be easy to see him back,” he says as he rubs my knee.
I offer him a slight smile. No, it’s not easy. I feel heartbroken all over again. At the dream we lost, the audacity of him and most importantly that he’s within reach again, but everything has changed, and I can’t touch him, no matter how much the pull wills me too.
“I’m sorry about Friday. I didn’t know he was going to sing that.” Jake looks at me with a solemn look.
I stare down deep into my wine, before turning my attention out into the distance. The sun is setting, and the land is a glow of orange.
“It’s okay-” I start, remembering the embarrassment. I wrap my hands around my arms.
“I don’t know what’s worse, Jake? Him being back, or the fact my brother offered him a job.” I feel the tears well up behind my eyes. I never have to pretend with Jake, like I never have to with my girls.
“I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t know about that. I left before he did that.” he shrugs at me, taking another sip of his whiskey.
