Unlike mine, that dwindled as the years rolled through.
“I um, I-” I muster out. I don’t have an answer for her.
In true fact, I don’t know what I’m doing here, nor what the hell I’m even doing in Tennessee or anywhere in the world.
I look back into her eyes and see the tears. The ones trying desperately not to form.
“Please, don’t cry,” I lunge towards her without thinking, but she pulls back causing me to freeze in the spot I stand in.
She never used to pull back from me. The key word here being ‘used to’.
“I… I can’t,” She stutters out.
Shit.
I should of expect this.
“I’m sorry.” She clears her throat. The pain in her eyes is nothing compared to what I have ever witnessed before.
Then again, I imagine this is the pain she had when I walked away.
However, I wasn’t here to see it.
Or make it better.
Or stop it happening at all.
Because I’m a fucking coward.
A selfish coward who believed someone over her and what I should have known.
“Firefly,” I step forward, trying to touch her again.
“Don’t fucking call me that!” She shouts, choking back a sob, stepping back once again.
What I didn’t picture in my stupid spur of the moment visit, was just that she’d just shut the front door.
But that’s exactly what she does.
She shuts the large wooden door, and I hear the bolt lock. And suddenly I’m standing on her white porch, the one we always dreamed of, alone in the dark with the only beacon of light coming from the big house. Her Mama and Dad’s house.
Because she’s turned the light off in her house. And that’s when I hear her scream.
A pain filled scream.
Knowing there’s nothing I can do about it, knowing I’m the cause of her pain.
Fuck. What have I done?
I feel my heart ripping to shreds just from the scream that she let out. My heads thumping from all the blood rushing through it; I can’t breathe yet again.
Panic fills every part of my being.
Before I know what I’m doing, I throw a punch at the door, leaving a fist mark in thewood.
Double fuck.
That isn’t going to help.
