Shit.
I know exactly what I’m doing.
As if my own body isn’t my own, I keep driving along the dirt road. The invisible magnet won’t allow me to think for myself.
As I gain back some control over my own body, I pull over on the side of the drive, mere minutes away from utter destruction.
Putting the car into park, I move my feet away from the gas pedals. As I wipe the sweat awayfrom my brow that has formed, I hear my heart thumping, blood rushing into my ears.
I wasn’t planning on doing this, why am I even here?
It’s been thirteen years; I abandoned her; she won’t want to see me.
As I battle with my demons, I notice my hands make a movement towards the gear stick. Letting out an overdue breath, I place the car into drive.
“Fuck it-” I breath out shakily, pulling back onto the long dirt road leading up to the main house.
I’m already here and for some reason, my body isn’t going to comply.
I may as well get this over with, especially if I’m planning on sticking around town for a while, or forever. The pull’s only willing me to her, and I need to see her. I prepare myself for battle whilst driving into the only place I ever truly considered my home; not because of the house or the fields surrounding it, nor the horses that called this place home also; but because of theperson that lives here, and I hope still does.
Five
Mabel
Ripping into my closet, I’m seriously stumped on what to wear. I can’t see a damn thing in here.
My hair’s placed in rollers, courtesy of my overattentive mother, so tight against my scalp they’re killing me. But as Mama always says, no pain no gain.
“Fuck it-” I say, pulling out my trusty floral dress. About the only half decent dress I own that could even fit me now. I really need to update my wardrobe.
It purely consists of jeans, flannel shirts, denimshorts and maybe the odd dress that I outgrew years ago. They, being my friends are all right. I really don’t go out much.
I feel my shoulders slump in defeat.
Pulling my dress over my head, I eye myself up in the mirror.
Not bad, Mabel.
Could be worse.
I really need to go shopping. Maybe Ellie and I can go during the summer, that girl is always growing far too fast for my liking.
Ellie is already over at the big house for the night, bunked down in her second bedroom. Likely stirring up all sorts of trouble with mom and daddy.
We all think she’s the apple of Mama’s eye, but I’ve never seen my old man so smitten. Since the day she was born, and even more now.
I’ll never forget that look on his face when she was placed in his arms for the first time as I lay in the hospital bed, still drugged up on God knows what.
I don’t remember much from that day, but I will never forget the look on my dad’s face, it was like he’d been reborn again, given another purpose in life other than the ranch.
With every day that passes since then, my little girl has been that stubborn old man’s beating heartand soul. I smile at the thought, a tear trying to escape at the memory of it all.
Pulling me from my thoughts, I hear my phone ringing from down the hall. Running towards the sound, I grab it just in time from the coffee table in my lounge area.
“Hey, girl!” I hear screeching down the other line. I wince at the high pitch noise.
“Yes, Hope, how can I help?” I answer back to my other bestie.
