I watch my brother walk out of the bar, he never turns back to look at me, just walks out quietly, signally to the old men sat in the bar with me.
“Another?” I hear Mack ask and I gulp the last of the whiskey.
I place my hand in front of me, take hold of my own hat and place it firmly on top of my head.
My brothers right, I need to try harder.
His story giving me the one thing I didn’t have on Saturday, or any day since.
He’s just given me a small bit of hope, that maybe; she’ll forgive me.
She’s waited long enough, and I’ve been a fuckingdumbass for way too long.
That stops now.
Thirty-eight
Mabel
My eyes flitter open as I see the sun shining once again through the bedroom windows.
My head bangs and my heart aches.
The betrayal running deep through my veins.
Lots of things have gone through my mind since Saturday, but the main one being;how could I have been so fucking stupid?
Feeling a small arm wrap around my waist, I look over my shoulder and mixed up in an array of blankets and pillows, Ellie pops her head out and snuggles closer into me. I place my hand on hersand use my thumb to gently stroke her arm.
“Morning, Mama,” she smiles at me, rubbing some sleep from her eye. “Morning, baby girl,” I yawn.
I open my eyes further, taking in the surroundings of my childhood bedroom, now turned into Ellie’s room at the big house.
I’ve been held up in here since Saturday, it’s now Thursday and the struggle of getting out of bed is becoming harder as the days go on.
I can’t go back to my house, it reminds me too much of why I built it, in the mindset of it bringing me some comfort over Maverick’s disappearance. At the hope that one day, he would come back.
When I walked away on Saturday, yes, I found out the reason why he left, but I’m still so confused as to why he believed them. I need to accept that I won’t see the pictures in question, because it was thirteen years ago, doubtful they were kept by anyone.
Colter isn’t speaking to anyone; the only time I’ve seen my brother was on Monday as I watched him rip the bunkhouse apart to remove any form ofthat manfrom our ranch. Daddy’s bruise on his cheek is going down; and no one in Springfield has seen Jimmy since, well that’s what mama told me.
Hopefully, he’ll be gone for good.
I don’t know why Jimmy supposedly has feelings for me, I’ve only ever seen him as someone who lived in our little town, and then when my dad took him on, someone who just worked for my family. Knowing that he’s smiled at me, through all the pain he knows he caused me, sends shivers down my spine. My lips have been scrubbed to remove his skin from mine.
Ellie’s cheek grazes my ear, and I turn my body fully to face her. “How was your sleep?” I ask her, small grin forming on my face, the only grin I’ve been able to make, only being able to do it looking at the only pure thing that I’ve had in my life for a long time.
“Really good, I had a dream about the fair.” My grin evaporates, like it wasn’t there to begin with.
Ellie had an amazing day Saturday, however she knows that whatever happened when mama took her for ice-cream, something went down; especially with me.
“Mama, why are you so sad?” she asks and I hold in a deep breath, doing my best to not involve her, she doesn’t need to know about certain things; she may actwiser than her years, but she is onlynine.
“I’m okay darlin’,” I pause, trying to think of the right words. “Sometimes adults just get sad,” I will my grin to return, even if it’s just to offer her some comfort that her mom will be okay in the end.
“Like Uncle Colter?” she asks, concerned by my brothers actions this week, but her question causes my grin to turn into a full smile.
“Yes, baby, like Uncle Colter,” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her just a little tighter at her innocence; the one I’ve spent years trying to protect.
