“I answered, just told him I was alive and wanted to be left alone.” As I listen, I do my best to keep my breathing under wraps so the panic attack still trying to fight its way to the surface stays at bay.
“I barely made it through college, I started drinking, partying, and-” he stops, before looking at me, fear filled eyes looking back at me.
“Sleeping around?” I finish his sentence, saying aloud what I know he’s struggling to say.
He nods and the contents of my stomach moves, doing its best to come out at the admission.
“By the time I graduated, I decided to stay in California, as far as I was aware, there was nothing left for me here.” He looks around us at the place we both should be calling home.
“That’s when pop’s turned up at my door,” his face turning a deep shade of pink at the memory.
“And I, told him to come home,” Rhett interrupts, but I’m far too focused on Maverick, I don’t notice Rhett returningback to the group after walking away.
“That’s when I broke down, and I told him everything that happened that day in the bus station, and then he told me that none of it was true.” The breath leaves Maverick as the tears once again slide down his cheeks, and mine.
“That’s when I realised, I’d fucked my whole life up, believing someone else’s bullshit.” The sadness in his eyes is becoming too much for me to bare, and I look down to the ground.
“I fucked it by not coming to find you the moment I heard it.”
I know his gaze is boring into me, hoping for some form of relief from his pain, but I can’t look up.
I can’t look at him, because I knew once I do, I’llcrumble.
I hold in a deep breath before asking the one simple question that’s been on my mind since Jimmy admitted to me that it was his fault Maverick left.
“Why didn’t you?” I ask.
Maverick shakes his head, “I don’t know,”
I shake mine, that answer isn’t good enough for me.
“Why didn’t you come back when Rhett told you none of it was true?” My tone turning more spiteful as the questions are coming.
I think for a second, four years of college would bring us around the twenty-two marks.
Ellie. I was pregnant with Ellie.
Now, I’m fucking angry.
Before I let him answer my question, my eyes lock on his.
“I fucking needed you,” I spit out, venom deep on my tongue and in my soul.
Maverick rears back like I’ve just landed another mighty slap, but this time, against him.
“I cried out for you, you know-” I pause “When I had her, I cried for you.” My admission causing a gut-wrenching sob to leave my mouth.
My shaking hands covering my mouth to stop any more noise coming from my mouth.
I look back towards my brother. “We all fucking needed you,” this time I sigh it out, realising that getting myself angry and spiteful would hurt the people around me.
The last tear I’ll allow myself to cry falls down my cheek before I look back at the man who holds half my heart. The pain and suffering etched over his face is enough to make anyone fall at his feet, but this time, I can’t let myself do that.
“I can’t do this.” Even though I say it out loud, its more for myself.
Ican’t do this.
I need my boy; I need my comfort.
