This came out in a rambling rush, and then she clamped her lips together. She looked pale at such a reasonable request. Was this why she was unlike herself, because she had to ask him for money? “Yes, ofcourse. I ought to have thought of it sooner. Five pounds will suffice for the present?”
“Perhaps twenty-five?” she rasped.
Darcy’s eyes widened. “That is half your money for the quarter.”
“Oh, well, it will last me months, likely until Lady Day, and I will need not to trouble you for a long while.”
“It is no trouble.” She must have needed coins to play cards the other night and not had any. “You can always take from the household account and settle later if need be, but I will give you a bank note in the morning.”
She closed her eyes and breathed, “Thank you.”
Darcy watched her relax with some confusion. “Did you think I would be miserly, or demand an accounting of how it would be spent before I gave it? It is your money to begin with.”
Elizabeth gave him a long look while deciding how to answer. “No, you have been nothing but generous, more generous than I deserve.”
“I cannot imagine why you would think you do not deserve it.” When she said nothing further he asked, in some concern, “Elizabeth, you hardly seem yourself. Have I made you nervous somehow?”
She was instantly on her feet and came to his side. “No, and I am extremely happy to see you. And now that you have been gone for ten days, I know how impossible it would have been for me to bear a lengthier absence.”
He felt more at ease to hear her say that. “I see no reason for us to endure another absence. We will go to Longbourn together and winter in town together and return home together. You will be tired of me by the time we will be married a year.”
“That is simply not possible, Darcy.”
Her words gave him courage, and he bent to kiss her. Rather than lean in to meet him, she held herself still while he softly pressed her lips. She did not pull away, but it was a far cry from how she had kissed him in the library before he left. He never wanted to bestow attention that was unwanted, and her mind was clearly elsewhere.
Darcy cupped her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “Dearest, what is the matter?”
“I am happy you are back,” she insisted, pressing her palm to cover his hand. “I admit to feeling a little poorly for the last few days.”
She looked unwell, with her pale face and dark circles beneath her eyes. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“No. A good night’s sleep is all I need, and tomorrow will be a better day.” She turned her head to press a kiss into his palm and then left the room.
Darcy sat back with a sigh. Even if she was tired, he did not see the unalloyed enjoyment in his return from his wife that he had expected.
How couldsomeone feel pleased and yet sick to her stomach at the same moment? Seeing Darcy last night brought an instant smile to Elizabeth’s lips, but every moment she was beside him reminded her of her folly and how it could ruin him.
She had been almost fluttered at the sight of her husband, but had to remember that Darcy could hate her if he knew what Wickham would do to his reputation. The shame of what she had put herself, and his good name, into made it hard to even sit next to him. When Darcy kissed her, the weight of her guilt made it impossible to return it with any ardour let alone equal ardour.
She had to manage this disaster before she could give Darcy the proper attention he deserved.
They had sat at breakfast together before he went out for the day. She could not say they ate together because she stared at her plate and pushed her food around. When Darcy noticed, she had gamely taken a large bite, but it tasted like dust and her stomach turned over.
“Are you certain you want your aunt and uncle with us tonight?” he had asked with concern, but she assured him she was well. And she would be once she paid Wickham, and she got her journal back.
Tonight, she would appear more like herself. Her family would be with her, Darcy’s closest friend would join them, and they would all be happy and at ease. And if her company left early enough, she would have the time to tell Darcy that when she had said she never wanted to yield her heart and body to a husband she never chose, she had been a complete fool.
Elizabeth took her bank note to retrieve her items from Wickham. It was so much money, and the shame of being extorted weighed on her as she anxiously paced the square, waiting for Wickham. Georgiana’s meetings had been early and more discreet, but the area around Berkeley Square was busy now. Hopefully, she could pay Wickham quickly and then cut him and his wife from her life for good.
“Mrs Darcy.” A man fell in step beside her as she walked, and she did not have to look up to know that it was Wickham.
“Do you have my things?”
“I am well. Thank you for asking. Are you in good health?”
She withdrew the small envelope with the banknote and handed it over, never looking at him as they strolled side by side. He took it and opened it, peering inside to be certain he had been paid before tucking it into his pocket.
“Do you have my things?” she repeated.
