“Yes.”
“I feared the same. I feared that if you, with your powers of discernment, were taken in, then what of your sisters and friends? I had to prevent any other young lady being hurt like my sister had been. I trusted Bingley, as well as your father, to be discreet.”
“You were a good friend to my family.”
Darcy only bowed. He said nothing about wanting to continuetheiracquaintance on friendlier terms. Was it strange how strongly she wished to establish a friendship with a man who had said he loved her against his reason?He could not know how much I regret having misjudged him.Darcy was not as ungentlemanly as she had presumed him to be.
“Might we,” she stammered, “might we talk about Hunsford?”
“A conversation about what happened in Hunsford,” said Darcy, in a tone of surprise, “could serve no purpose rather than to produce explanations that are mutually disagreeable.”
Elizabeth was filled with the keenest anguish. Did he think she was leading the way to encourage him to propose again? Had the mode of her rejection made it impossible that he could esteem her?I did make it horribly, painfully clear that his proposals disgusted me; I cannot blame him.
In a less sharp tone he added, “Let the only thing said on the matter be that I am resolved to be a better man because of your admonishments. Your reproofs of my conduct, my manners, made an impression on me.”
“And your letter made me think better ofyou!” The truth burst from her heart, and Darcy started. “Before I am silenced on this subject, you must know that I realise how I misjudged you, that my approval of Mr Wickham was reprehensible, and your letter removed all the unjust prejudices I held.”
Even over the sound of the curricle and horses, she heard him sigh, and she watched him swallow thickly. “I was not certain you would believe me, although, I hoped... I hoped you would think better of me.”
“I believed you if not instantly, then very soon after reading it. Idohave confidence in your integrity, and your merits. And I was wrong to assume you so...”
“So devoid of every proper feeling?” Darcy asked, turning to look her in the eye.
She saw how much her rejection, as well as the manner of it, had hurt him. “I am sorry, exceedingly sorry. I misjudged you, and I am ashamed of myself.” She thought back over all that she had saidagainst Darcy in Hunsford parsonage. “I am surprised you do not hate me after that evening.”
“Hate you?”
Darcy said nothing else, but the incredulous expression on his face told her how shocked, perhaps even how insulted, he was by the idea. He finally shook his head, saying softly, “I could never hate you, Miss Bennet. After recovering from my surprise at seeing you at Pemberley, I hoped to obtain your forgiveness, to lessen your ill opinion, by letting you see that your reproofs had been attended to.”
“I do forgive you,” she said. “And you have improved in civility, but you were never as proud or selfish as I presumed. I only hope you can forgive me for abusing you so terribly.”
“Your apology is unnecessary. You were acting from ignorance, from mistaken premises.”
“And you are being too generous. I would have thought that after Hunsford you would have spurned a friendship—an acquaintance with me,” she corrected herself quickly.
Darcy gave her a significant look. “I would be very glad if what happened in Hunsford did not impair a friendship between us.” He gave his attention back to the road. “Can we agree to say no more about it?”
Elizabeth agreed, although it felt like something more must be said, but she knew not what. Now that she knew he had no improper pride, that he was not a selfish man, now that he wanted to make himself agreeable, and the shock of learning of his being in love with her had lessened, she now wondered if his feelings for her were unchanged.
They drove some time in silence before he said, “Bingley is happier than I have ever before seen him. I was delighted to learn of their engagement, and to see Mrs Bingley’s devotion to my friend is everything I could have hoped for.”
This was a safe topic. “Jane is excessively fond of him, and he of her. They are happy in each other.”
“I am glad of it. There could be no two young people more deserving of the love and respect of a worthy partner. Although you would know their happiness better than I since you live with them at Netherfield.”
“Yes, it has been a beneficial arrangement. However, as they become more settled into their domestic life, I do not serve the same purpose for Jane as I did in the beginning.”
Jane and Bingley would insist she stay with them as long as she pleased, but Jane had more in common with married ladies now, and she naturally preferred to spend time with her new husband. Elizabeth’s position in their household might not feel like home as the couple grew more accustomed to each other. “They are very mutually and sincerely attached,” said Elizabeth with forced brightness.
“I am certain your good humour and cheerfulness will always make you a valuable companion to your sister,” Darcy said with a knowing look and a smile.
She blushed in reply, and Darcy said a few more words about the good character of his friend, but soon his attention shifted to the drive. For a long while, with his attention elsewhere, Elizabeth watched him. At first glance, Darcy was handsome with a noble bearing, but perhaps was too ascetic for some people’s liking. On closer examination, there was a certain gentleness in his eyes, and often a humour in his look. Had that always been there, or was she now a better observer of him?
I care for his happiness.Darcy deserved to have someone love and respect him, and she wanted him to be as happy as Bingley was. How much of that happiness she wished for him might depend on her? Although Darcy wanted her good opinion, did he still love her? Or would the remembrance of the less just and less gentle sensations of the past, of what happened at Hunsford, always keep them apart?
Darcy drovethe curricle to the mews at the Red Lion, and then tried not to stare at Elizabeth after he handed her down and she smiled beautifully at him in answer. He could not convince himself that he would eventually grow indifferent to her. He had insulted her, he had not acted honourably or feelingly towards her, and yet Elizabeth seemed to wish a friendship with him. Was it too soon for her to wish for something more than friendship?
If she has any tender regard for me, I will do everything in my power to attach her, to assure her of my continuing affection.
