The implied meanings of this simple sentence were not lost on her. They would not stay with Jane or in a hotel or with his family because Darcy had ten thousand a year and kept a house in town. “Where in London is your house? I suspect it is not in the city.”
“Charles Street, Berkeley Square, but you must take the carriage to Gracechurch Street whenever you like.”
Elizabeth settled into Darcy’s arms, resting against his shoulder. “I suppose you keep a fine carriage, and a stable of horses, and a curricle, too? Not to mention a few hundred tenants and servants in Derbyshire who are under your care. I suppose you have a few livings in your disposal, as well. Shall you allow me to undertake the welfare and good management of Pemberley and this house in town?”
He pressed his lips to her temple. “It took me too long to be sensible of how necessary you are to me, and when I did, it brought me little joy since our time together was to be so finite. I ought to have told you the truth sooner. Please do not fear that I did not want to share my life and responsibilities with you.”
She did not doubt Darcy’s words or his regret in his deceiving her, but the question of why he refused her that evening hung over her fully appreciating her happiness. “Well, we ought to decide where to go after town. I suspect you would like to go home after having been gone for a year.”
“I do not want you to give up seeing the Lakes.”
“I have a greater interest in seeing Pemberley, I assure you.” She crossed the room and pulled the bell. “We have much to manage to close the lodge and open the house in Charles Street. Why do we not arrange everything so we can leave the day after tomorrow?”
“As you wish.” She turned away, but he called her back. “Are you made unhappy to know my uncle is an earl, that I have ten thousand a year, and move in different circles than you previously inhabited? Our connexions are different, but you cannot think that you are quitting the sphere in which you were brought up.”
“Of course not. You and I are equals.”
Darcy nodded in agreement. “Then I hope you will soon tell me whatisthe matter.”
She did not feel equal yet to lead the way to any such subject. Elizabeth did not deny it, but nodded and rested a hand on his cheek. “I love you dearly.”
“I love you more than my own life.”
She felt tears in her eyes as she thought of the accident at the toll gate. “You ought to have left me there. I am so ashamed that I risked your—” Darcy silenced her with a press of his lips to her forehead.
“It is too painful a subject to dwell on.” His hands moved from her shoulders to take a light hold on her hips. “In fact, every unpleasant circumstance that led to bringing us together ought to be put out of our minds. Since you now have the promise of a long life, I would rather us think on our own hopeful future.”
Elizabeth brought her hands around his neck and answered him with another lingering kiss.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
As he readied for bed, Darcy focused his mind on the reasons he had to be happy. Her paroxysms were not fatal, and they would stop altogether. He could nearly have wept from relief. It wounded him deeply to know Elizabeth had been so troubled by melancholy and anxiety that it made her ill. But once removed from the sources of her agitation, and with the expectation of a life that she wanted, Elizabeth would be healthy. She said she loved him and wanted to go home to Pemberley.
And before we leave Meryton, I shall have a few words to say to the Collinses.
He untied his cravat and gave it a sharp tug, tossing it aside. A righteous fury coursed through him at what her family’s treatment had done to Elizabeth’s health. His home would always be open to Mrs Bennet and Lydia, but he would never receive Mr and Mrs Collins at Pemberley.
Although she said she was happy, his conversations with Elizabeth had been marked by an awkwardness he could not explain. She was not overcome by the joy he thought she would feel upon learning she was healthy and that he returned her affections. What he felt for her had, over the course of a few months, moved from ambivalence to aquiet sense of contentment, to esteem and admiration, and finally to an ardent love. If she wished to be separated from him now that she was expected to live, Elizabeth would have told him.
The cause of her tension did not seem to be a lack of affection for him.Elizabeth’s words and embraces demonstrated that she loved him.Her strange manner was the only thing that prevented him from being fully assured that he might feel unalloyed happiness again.
Darcy took off his shoes and stockings and left them on the floor. He had been certain his heart would be torn asunder before she assured him that he was the life companion she wanted.However, whatever ease that could now exist between them was not there, and Darcy suspected it was his own doing, but he did not know why.
Ought I go to her and ask what she was fretting for, or leave her alone in the hope she will confide in me when she feels ready?Darcy fell into the chair by his bed in only his shirt with a sigh. After what he had hidden from her, he had not yet earned the right to press Elizabeth to speak to him about anything.
There was a knock on the door, but before he could tell the servant to enter, Elizabeth walked in, shut the door, and leant her back against it. Darcy was so surprised by her presence, and by the sight of her open dressing gown and her hair down by her shoulders, that it took him a moment to scramble to his feet to greet her. She acknowledged him with a tight smile. She looked resolved, but to what manner of decision he could not imagine.
The silence grew unpleasant, and he asked her if she was well. She assured him she was, but stayed by the door. “Then will you not sit?” He gestured to the chair, but she shook her head, looking fretful. “You may be healthy, but you do not look happy, my dear. Is it the idea of seeing Jane and explaining who you are married to? Meeting my relations? Or perhaps you do not wish to live in Derbyshire after all?”
She now gave him a smile that reached her eyes. “I do want to meet everyone who is of importance to you and make Pemberley my home. You are likely wondering why I was so nervous and awkward earlier.”
Darcy strongly disagreed with her use of the past tense, but said only, “I hoped you would tell me when you were ready.”
Elizabeth nodded but did not seem ready to speak. Rather thanstand over her and possibly intimidate her, Darcy walked to his bed and stretched upon it with his hands clasped across his stomach and his back against the headboard, and looked on her with what he hoped was a patient gaze. He had expected she would sit in the chair near to the bed, but instead she walked around the bed and climbed onto it to kneel next to him.
He tried not to show how elated he was that she wanted to be in his bed. Still, her mind had likely not turned to the same thoughts as did his since she worried over something.If I confess my own concerns, maybe she would return in kind.
His voice was hardly steady when he said, “When I realised that you would live after all, my worst fear was that you could never forgive me for deceiving you and would not have me.”
