She had thought all of Darcy’s actions grossly violated everything right and moral, and it turned out Darcy was a decent man all along.
“Lizzy, are you still not dressed?” Jane asked as she entered her room the next morning. “Are you ill?”
Elizabeth sighed and fell back onto her bed. “No, I am not ill. Ashamed, disappointed, but not ill. I must stay here until I can at least affect being cheerful before my aunt and uncle.”
Jane sat next to her on the bed. “Your happy spirits have seldom been depressed before. What has you so affected as to make it impossible for you to appear tolerably cheerful?”
Elizabeth related to her the chief of the scene between Darcy and herself and what she had learnt about Wickham’s character.
“What a dissolute man. And poor Miss Darcy,” Jane cried. “It is too much to be believed.”
“It was all too much to be believed, but itistrue, and Idobelieve it. Darcy is blameless, and all Wickham has is charm of air and address.” Something had to be done to ensure Wickham injured no one else. “Will you write to my mother and tell her about Wickham? She can then make our acquaintance in general understand Wickham’s character.”
“Are you certain? He might be sorry for what he has done and wish to reform himself.”
“How can you say that, Jane?” she asked, incredulous. “He lied to me three months ago about the living, and now he is pursuing Miss King for her ten thousand pounds. He is a villain, and they all ought to know it, save for, of course, his involvement with Miss Darcy. A few hints about his lies and wasteful life will be enough.”
Jane agreed to write to their mother. “It is a blow, to be sure. We were all so fond of Wickham. But why are you hiding in your room?”
“Because I behaved wretchedly!” Elizabeth sat up. “Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance, I courted prepossession and ignorance, and drove reason away—where either man was concerned. Until last night I never knew myself, Jane.”
Jane squeezed her hand. “You are too hard on yourself.”
“I was weak and vain and nonsensical.”
“It is unfortunate that you should have used such strong expressions in speaking of Wickham to Mr Darcy,” Jane conceded, “for now they do appear wholly undeserved.”
She felt shame wash over her again. “Wickham’s countenance, voice, and manner had established him in my mind in the possession of every virtue. And Darcy’s reserve and pride, his dismissal of me at the assembly, made me think him the worst sort of villain.”
“I thought Mr Darcy rather amiable last evening,” Jane mused. “Even Bingley remarked to his friend that he was noticeably friendlier. You must not have observed because you were reading.”
“Hiding, you mean.”
She had watched Darcy while pretending to be absorbed by her book. Darcy appeared desirous to please, and free from the self-consequence and unbending reserve she had previously seen from him. He had heard her reproofs and was attending to them, just as he said his future behaviour would prove how he had taken her words to heart.
She remembered how Darcy had said he was resolved to behave better, and she rose from the bed to read F’s last letter again. Darcy had said to her last night something about losing the good principles he had grown up with. And there, in the paragraph about wanting to be a better person, F had written:I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit.
“What is the matter now?” Jane asked when Elizabeth groaned and tossed the letter aside.
As she was deciding what, if anything, to confess about her fears of F being Darcy, a maid entered with a letter from theoffice in Bishopsgate. She also gave one to Jane, and they both read their prospective letters.
Monday, February 10
My dear friend,
You must wonder at my writing again when you are a letter in my debt. Perhaps you are even surprised at hearing from me so often since I began my first letter expressing a desire to not raise your expectations. However, as I consider the matter of where this might lead, I cannot help but wonder if meeting in person might be a quicker and more meaningful way to decide if we would suit, either as friends or as something more.
While not timid, I think Iam ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers, and this is another reason my cousin suggested this matchmaking scheme. However, to improve this, I ought to practise, just as I ought to practise showing more grace and patience to those outside my circle. Do not fear that you are a scheme by which for me to practise, however. I genuinely feel now, unlike how I felt before, that there is no harm in knowing one another in person.
If you are not opposed to a meeting, I invite you to tell the managers of the subscription office that you are willing to meet, and then we can exchange names and directions. Once that formality is done, please tell me when, and where, and under what conditions you would meet. By all means, bring someone you trust, your guardian or your sister. I will meet whomever you wish to bring with you and in any place in London of your choosing. I leave it up to you to determine if you want this meeting to be in public or private.
You might think this an abrupt change, and I suppose it is. I have come to realise how hard it is to truly know someone, and for others to know my genuine character. I wonder now if a proper acquaintance in person and sanctioned by your family might be a better course of action. Are you smiling inanticipation, or is your breath stolen in horror? If the latter, please do not fear an offer on first sight, my friend. I ask only for a quarter of an hour of your time.
Regardless of your answer, I remain yours sincerely,
F
A cold sweat broke out across her, and her hands shook the paper. What a startling change from how F began their correspondence. She should be grinning so widely it hurt. Until last night, she would have been delighted to meet F in person. Since they had begun writing, her thoughts were often with him. Her dear new friend, who read novels and cared for his shy sister, who was forthright and did not demand a woman’s deference, who was clever and introspective, who wanted to trade his solitary hours for the company of a woman who loved him, might be the man best suited to make her happy.
