“I meant another friend,” she said heatedly, “one who wished to enter the church but found that the living promised to him was given to another and that all pledged support was denied. What prejudice one must have to harm someone who grew up expecting that friend’s patronage.”
Mr Darcy slowly turned from the whist party to look at her, astonishment diffusing across his face. “I recommend, madam,” he said gravely, “that you refrain from speaking about things of which you know nothing.”
“I know all about the misfortune you caused him with your deplorable behaviour,” she whispered angrily. “From the first moment of my acquaintance with you when you said I was not handsome enough to be seen dancing with you, your manners showed me your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others. No politeness to Jane and no notice of people from Cheapside can mend your selfish heart. You reduced Mr Wickham to his present state of poverty. You withheld the advantages designed for him.Youare no gentleman.”
Mr Darcy’s face was red in anger, and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every feature. Elizabeth realised she was breathing quickly and instantly regretted every word she said. Not that she regretted feeling them, but speaking them aloud was unjustifiable.
Women could not advertise for a husband, and they could not confront an ill-mannered man. She was supposed to be pleasant and attentive, and instead she had lashed out in the most horrid way possible. She felt the heat of shame warming her cheeks. No matter his manner, Mr Darcy was still a man of consequence, and she had no right to provoke him in Mrs Hurst’s drawing room.
He was struggling for the appearance of composure and seemed unwilling to open his lips until he attained it. She did not want to be seated next to him whenever that happened.
Elizabeth tugged off a glove and crumpled it as small as she could, hiding it in her hand and behind her skirt. “I seem to have dropped a glove between here and the dining room,” she announced to the room. “I will just run downstairs to find it,” she said with a nod to Mrs Hurst before fleeing as calmly as she could.
Darcy’s heart raced away.As the whist game continued and the ladies played, he sat in bewilderment. He was absolutely astonished that Elizabeth had such a low opinion of him and that she had voiced it so publicly, so unfeelingly. The ill-natured attack of a woman who apparently held his judgment and talents in the greatest contempt tormented him.
He tried to appear calm as he pretended to listen to the music, but his mind turned over everything Elizabeth had said.
She had neither fortune, nor rank, nor connexion to recommend her, but Elizabeth was his equal in all ways that mattered—and she found him wanting. He knew he had acted meanly in the past, and he could not suppose that a few moments of conversation with her family would be enough to atone for his previous rudeness.
Darcy could not remember what he had said at the Meryton assembly when Bingley pressed him to dance. He never wanted to dance with anyone, and he recalled not being impressed by Elizabeth until about a week or so later, so he could imagine saying something to the effect of him not wanting to give notice to a woman sitting down.
What sort of gentleman acted like that?
I admire her, and she absolutely hates me.
This was a blow. He had not expected her to be as bewitched by him as he was by her, but he had no notion that she held him in such contempt.
He had known at the Netherfield ball that Wickham had spread falsehoods about him, but he had thought it beneath him to lay his private actions open to her. His behaviour had been grounded in selfishness and mistaken pride, and now Elizabeth believed him capable of truly deplorable conduct.
Darcy rose and pretended to listen to Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley, glad that no one could hear how his heart still pounded away in anger and confusion. Elizabeth would return home at the end of the season and continue her friendship with Wickham. She might even admire Wickhammore, believing him to be a victim of great misfortune at the hands of a villain.
When the ladies finished, he bowed to Mrs Hurst and, after complimenting a performance he had not been attending to, said, “By your leave, I will fetch a book from the library while the others finish their game.”
It was not an odd request from him, but it was nevertheless contrived. Still, he had to speak with Elizabeth while she hid in anger in the dining room. He had to tell her what Wickham was capable of, so she, or her sisters, could not be hurt. He would be a better friend than he had been before; a friend more like L.
Darcy looked into the dining room but found it empty. He walked into the adjoining library at the front of the house. “Bookshelf room” would be a more accurate description, for there were few books at all. Elizabeth was sitting by the unlit fireplace, but she leapt to her feet when she saw him.
“I am sorry for losing my temper,” she said, walking toward the other door into the hall. “It was badly done. I acknowledgeyou regret your error with Jane and Mr Bingley, but I think it is best if we do not speak.”
“For a moment, I entreat you to stay.”
Something in his tone or his look stopped her progress. She pressed her lips together, nodding, and avoided his eye. He supposed this was better than her storming past him, and he hurried to speak in case she changed her mind.
“You have called me selfish, not a gentleman,” he added, his voice shaking a little. “My parents gave me good principles, but left me to follow them in pride and conceit, encouraged to care for none beyond my circle. Your criticism was humbling, as much as was being caught in this deception with Bingley and your sister.”
“They will probably be engaged before the season is out,” she said in confrontation.
“And if that happens, I will wish them every happiness,” he said. Elizabeth looked as though she could not believe that he knew he acted wrongly. “Whenever that joyful event occurs, our paths will cross often. I must let my future behaviour be the proof you need to see of the changes I am making. There is nothing more I can say, but I will let my actions going forward speak for themselves.”
To her credit, the challenge fell from her eyes. She no longer looked like she was about to dispute every word he said. “I look forward to your future civility, and I can assure you of my own. There will be no further outbursts from me,” she added with a faint smile of apology.
She curtseyed to leave, but Darcy held out a hand and she stopped, although she looked longingly at the door.
“But regarding that other, more weighty accusation, of having injured Mr Wickham,” he said heavily, “I have much more to say that you need to hear. When you return home, I beg you not to give implicit acceptance to a word that man utters.”
“Why would I do that?” The furore returned to her voice. “And why are you so hateful toward a man who has suffered so much, and at your infliction?”
“Well, as to the former, I would not be surprised if Mr Wickham had an intrigue with every tradesman’s daughter and owes debts to their shopkeeper fathers.”
