“You wore this hat in Kent.” He held Elizabeth’s gaze, and the hard edge to his voice must have told Elizabeth the instance he was remembering. Then, more quietly, he continued, “There was no doubt in my mind that, after you took my letter, I would never lay eyes on you again in all my life.”
“Then it is a wonderful relief that I returned to the parsonage early and that you and your cousin were still there to greet me. Although I believe our paths ought to have crossed again.”
“You think I might have visited Netherfield? I do not think I could have borne it to risk encountering you. To be near you and know that I would never be as precious to you as you were to me…” He trailed off and shook his head.
“Thankfully, your anger toward me abated after you wrote to me, and I thought better of you soon after reading your letter. Otherwise, had you not come back to Netherfield with Mr Bingley, when would I have been fortunate enough to see you again?”
“Perhaps we might have met when you travelled to Derbyshire with your relations this summer.”
Elizabeth laughed. “You think I would have encountered you sightseeing in Dovedale, or when we both were applying to see Chatsworth?”
“Perhaps, since Mrs Gardiner preferred to visit with friends in Lambton, you might have been persuaded to visit Pemberley.”
“That is even more unlikely,” she said with a blush. “It would be a mortifying indecency to be found touring Pemberley when I had thrown away your offer to be its mistress. You would think I had intentionally put myself in your way and would hate the sight of me.”
“I am unsure what I might have felt if I saw you and the Gardiners there, but it would not have been hatred. I am sure that, had fortune smiled on me and put you in my way, I would have done everything possible to obtain your forgiveness and lessen your ill opinion of me.”
“Perhaps I might have encouraged you if I had any inclination that your feelings and wishes toward me were unchanged.”
As they walked in companionable silence, Darcy wondered how their lives would have unfolded had they followed that improbable longer road to reconciliation. Wickham might not have been intent on revenge, but Lydia may have exposed herself in some way in Brighton.
When they were nearly at the cottage, Elizabeth said softly, “My father is ashamed of his treatment of us.”
“He ought to be.”
“His actions were derived from jealousy and disappointment over my leaving home. I thought he envied the happiness we would find in each other, but his real regret was that I shall marry a man who is not only nothing like him but in every way a better man than he could even wish to be.”
Darcy considered this in silence as the vacant cottage came into sight. He still remembered the tears she held back when she spoke of her father’s heartless teasing. He might be more agreeable in company, more civil and humbled, but his temper he could not yet vouch for. Elizabeth would want him to forgive Mr Bennet, but he could not so soon forget, particularly when his offences were against his dearest Elizabeth.
“In time, all will be forgotten, but not yet. I am still of a resentful nature when those closest to me are wronged, and it would be a falsehood to say I can forgive him now. I will be respectful, but do not ask me to absolve him today.”
Elizabeth opened the cottage door but paused. “You are resentful for my sake. I know you are not cold-hearted, as I once believed. You have happily made me an object of your tender affection. I have never been first in anyone’s life before, Fitzwilliam,” she added quietly.
Darcy smiled and led her inside. “That is a position in my life to which you will simply have to resign yourself.” He closed the door behind them.
After having metwith Fitzwilliam at dawn, Elizabeth had to hurry back to Longbourn so she would not be missed. He would arrive in a little more than one hour to say good-bye to the Gardiners and take his leave of the Bennets as he left for London. The entire house was an uproar of activity as the Gardiner children made free use of every room they came upon, the servants bustled up and down the stairs, Mrs Gardiner comforted a teary Jane as best she could, and Mrs Bennet was in fidgets making certain that Lydia was comfortable.
Elizabeth saw nothing—thought nothing—of the commotion of the house. She glowed with happiness from within. She thought only of the last three hours at the cottage. Fitzwilliam’s words, his expressions, and still more his manner and look, had been such as she could see in only one light: he loved her and would love none but her. The scandal of Lydia’s child and Jane’s jilting would not deter him, and he pledged his love and promised to return in the course of a month for her, no matter the results of his search for Wickham.
The absolute necessity of seeming like herself before the others produced an immediate struggle. Elizabeth could not forget the serious troubles facing her family, but she thought only ofhim. She once discerned Mrs Gardiner looking upon her with a critical eye and felt a wave of guilt, as if her adoring feelings about Fitzwilliam were printed across her countenance, but the moment passed.
The time of the Gardiners’ departure had come, and Mrs Gardiner kissed her children good-bye while Mr Gardiner teased them and promised to carry them all away in his coat pockets. Mr Bennet stood apart from the family, looking solemn and impatient, but Elizabeth supposed his silence was better than anything he might have to say to Lydia. Mary and Kitty said good-bye to their sister, and Mrs Bennet was forced to submit to the idea of separating indefinitely from her youngest daughter.
“Oh, my dear Lydia,” she wailed, “when shall we meet again?”
“I do not know! This tour will last three weeks. How dull. Darcy must find Wickham soon and make him marry me.”
“Oh, but what if he cannot be found? Darcy and your uncle tell me you must be kept away in Ireland. Write to me very often, my dear!”
“As often as I can—I expect to be kept busy with some society,” she said confidently.
Elizabeth strove to part from her sister in good humour, and from an unwillingness to quarrel, she ignored Lydia’s demand for her to make certain Darcy returned with Wickham in a timely manner and simply hugged her good-bye.
Lydia then approached her eldest sister and quietly wrapped her in her arms. Lydia whispered into Jane’s ear, then pulled back with unshed tears in her eyes. Jane offered a sad smile and whispered in return. Elizabeth longed to know what Lydia could have said.
The Bennet family’s collective attention was turned to the sound of a rider galloping toward the house. Fitzwilliam appeared hurried, and she could imagine why. He had barely had enough time to return to Netherfield and make himself presentable before he needed to see the Gardiners off and leave himself.
“Good morning, Darcy.” She spoke calmly as she turned pink at the memory of their recent encounter. He returned her greeting with equally moderate enthusiasm, although she saw a sparkle in his dark eyes that meant he wished to say more—to do more than bow over her offered hand—but he went to her father.
