“Look, your interview’s in five minutes. I promise to tell you, but it’sa long story. Just get through the interview, and then we can talk. I promise she’s perfectly fine.” She gives me a pleading look, and I grit my teeth.
“Fine, but I need you to promise you’ll tell me everything after this call,” I grind out, my voice laden with frustration.
“I swear!” She places her hand over her heart, her expression earnest. Oh, hell! I know Mel always keeps her word, but damn, this is exasperating. She’s not wrong, and I’m the only one here today to hold down the fort. I don’t like it, but I acquiesce.
“Let’s get this over with,” I grumble, trying to let go of my irritation. We are desperate for a new coach, and if this guy doesn’t work out, we’ll be back to square one. That’s the last thing we need. We’re too close to the start of the season as it is. Besides, the best thing I can do for the team right now is to not fuck this up, so I put on my game face and go to it.
An hour and a half later, I’m feeling much more confident about the upcoming season. Sean Quinn is the perfect fit for the team we’re creating. He’s very much aligned with our vision, and he knows this will be an uphill battle, especially at first. It’s going to cost us some serious cash and a couple of concessions to get it done, but I know Jacob and Joslyn well enough now to feel comfortable giving him a tentative commitment.
Keeping myself focused on the interview was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My gut is churning with apprehension. Why didn’t she call me last night? Why am I the last to know what happened? I’m trying not to be upset that I’m not the first person she called, but it’s killing me. As soon as our online meeting is complete, I’m on my feet and out the door to find Mel.
I’m speechless by the time she finishes walking me through the events of yesterday. What a fucking mess. I don’t even know where to start with my questions. And let’s not even talk about all the feelings that I’m having right now. If Bill weren’t in jail already, he would be answering to me. The thing that I keep coming back to, though, is that Joslyn told Mel not to call me. I know it was because of Lexi, but I can’t seem to get past it.
I thought we were building something. I thought we had each other’s backs. Now I’m rethinking everything because something huge happened in her life, and she didn’t want me to know about it. Why? I know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard not to take this personally. I know she’s carrying a lot of baggage, but maybe there’s more to it than that. What if it’s me? What if I’ve made this into something it’s not?
I trudge back to my office, the weight of it pressing down on me. I’m trying hard to work through it all, but the truth is that I’m hurt. Then, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m completely and utterly in love with Joslyn Robertson. All in. And she doesn’t feel the same way at all. I honestly don’t know what to do with that information.
“Go talk to her, Damon,” Mel says softly, patting my arm in sympathy. “I can see that you’re up in your head with all your feelings right now, but before you do anything rash, I think you should go talk to her.”
I drop my head into my hands, hiding my wounded expression. I give myself a few minutes to rally, because this is hitting me hard.
“Yeah, talking would be good.” My voice is hoarse from everything I’m holding in.
Back in my office, I grab my keys without conscious thought, then I swing by Mel’s desk again on my way out of the office.
“Can you just reschedule anything else I have going on today?”
“Already done. There wasn’t much going on anyway. Jonesy’s back, so he can help me if anything comes up.” She gives me an optimistic smile and a final pat on the back before wishing me good luck.
Yeah, I’m going to need it.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Joslyn
I’m about to take my morning coffee to the back porch for some sun when the doorbell rings.
I’m not in the mood for company, so I ignore it. I don’t even look at my Ring camera for confirmation. Abby is out back doing her regular sniffing tour of the yard. It’s probably just a salesperson anyway. I don’t know how they are getting through the gate. Now I’m regretting telling the security guys to pack it up and go home.
The doorbell rings again, twice this time. Ugh. Why are people so annoying? Can’t they go away? My phone buzzes on the counter next to my coffee cup. It’s Damon. I’m not ready to have that conversation yet, so I let it go to voicemail. Yes, I’m hiding. I think after everything that’s happened, I’m entitled.
The phone buzzes again, just as the doorbell rings for the third time. Jesus Christ! Why can’t everyone leave me alone? I check my phone and cringe. Damon. Again. I close my eyes against the wave of guilt that flows through me.
I don’t want to deal with another person who’s going to yell at me for what happened yesterday. I’ve had enough of that from the officers takingmy statements. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I shouldn’t have provoked someone with a gun. The police couldn’t tell me enough times that I’d done the wrong thing. And, maybe I did, but still, I acted on instinct, so I’m not sure that matters now. If I had given it any thought, I’m positive that I never would have risked it. But it’s done, and Abby and I are fine.
The doorbell rings again, and it’s like I can feel the impatience from whoever is out there. Okay, maybe this isn’t a coincidence. I check the Ring camera and realize that Damon’s been out there the whole time. Damn it. No way can I avoid him. He’s probably heard how I screwed everything up yesterday.
I take a huge sip of coffee before opening the door. At least I have caffeine.
A very agitated Damon greets me. His usual neat look is replaced with a mess of inky hair, which he’s currently trying to tame with his fingers. Those plush lips are compressed into a tight line, and his beautiful blue eyes are dull and serious. His sleeves are rolled up halfway. Hello, arm porn. He looks so distraught. Ugh, I might as well get this over with. I hate getting yelled at.
“Jos! Baby, are you okay?” Grabbing my forearms, he pulls me in for a hug. “He didn’t hurt you, did he? Is Abby okay? She’s so amazing!”
His head is on a swivel looking for my girl, so I mumble, “She’s out back for her morning sniff.”
I’m not quite sure what’s happening here. Damon surprises me. I expect him to chastise me for how I handled the confrontation with Bill yesterday. He seems more concerned about me than my actions. I’m stunned, again.
When I think about why I’m so surprised, I’m disturbed by the answer. I’ve come to expect a very low level of support and commitment from the men I’ve been involved with, but that’s not Damon. I’ve avoided him because I assumed he’d yell at me for doing the wrong thing yesterday,and because Kurt always had to point out anything I’d done wrong. I’ve let myself think that’s okay, and worse, I’ve assumed that Damon will react the same way. Which, of course, he hasn’t, because he’s not that guy. I guess, despite all the therapy I’ve undergone, I still haven’t accepted that this relationship is different.
