“Jos…”
“Here you go. Chicken Marsala and a side salad with bleu cheese for the lady and a wagyu burger with cheese, no tomato, for you, sir.”
Talk about awful timing. I reluctantly pull my hand back as our server delivers our food, and I notice Joslyn’s relief at the interruption. She pulls back, too, and I miss the warmth of her skin against my palm. I want to ask her more, but I stop myself because this isn’t the time for more of this conversation. She’s reached her limit. Truthfully, if she tells me, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop myself from holding her.
We eat silently for a few minutes, the atmosphere heavy with everything we said and didn’t say. I decide to share one of my truths with her because I don’t want her to feel like this is one-sided. I need her to know how honored I am that she let me in. I want her to understand she’s not alone, not anymore, and I want to give her an equally intimate look into my life.
“I’ve been sober for ten years and three months,” I state matter-of-factly, allowing her to see the vulnerability in my eyes. She’s shown me hers, and I can’t help but reciprocate.
“I used to have a real problem with alcohol in my twenties. It took me a while to realize it, but I ruined my marriage because of it. My relationship with my daughter also suffered. That’s one of the reasons I was so eager to take this job. My relationship with Lexi needed some serious work, so being closer was a win. I was a pretty terrible father for a while, and I’m trying to make up for that now.”
Her face is full of compassion and empathy. My heart leaps when I see there’s not an ounce of judgment in her beautiful eyes. My God, this woman is so full of kindness. How could anyone not appreciate it?
“I was fortunate to have a great mentor in Boston who helped me realize how much the drinking was affecting my life… my game. He hit me with some harsh truths, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. I was a miserable human being for quite a while, but getting sober was the best thing I ever did for myself.” I pause to take a sip of my drink before continuing.
“The thing is, Jos, we can’t go back and change the past, but we do need to forgive our younger selves. We did the best we could at the time, even if we made mistakes. You were a young girl without any allies, just trying to survive. From what I see, you’ve become a smart, amazing businesswoman who is kicking ass as the owner of a professional hockey team. How is that not completely badass?”
I reach out and tilt her chin so she looks right at me. I want her to hear this. To see in my eyes how much I admire her. To see herself through my eyes. Her smile lights up my whole heart.
“I am totally amazing.” She shoots me a sly grin.
“There’s my badass boss.” Is she blushing? She’s so fucking cute.
We finish eating, letting small talk fill the space between us because we both need a break from the intensity. It’s much later when we head back to the arena to grab our belongings before heading home. I walk her to her car, making sure she’s safe before I head to mine. It isn’t enough, but it’s allI have for tonight. Driving home, I can’t stop thinking about how it would feel if she were mine. Mine to hold. Mine to kiss. Just mine.
Chapter Sixteen
Joslyn
I’m so damn nervous, my hands are shaking. The meeting with Bill is scheduled for this afternoon at four. It’s been weighing on my mind all day, and I’m a ball of anxiety. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I think.
Damon’s been my saving grace today, thankfully. He knows I’m dreading it, and he’s doing everything he can to subtly reassure me. It’s pretty damn adorable.
This morning, he stopped by with my favorite coffee, because, of course, he knew my order. He shared a few stories from his player days, hilarious practical jokes he’d been a part of. He had me laughing for at least half an hour. It was a fantastic stress reliever. I managed to keep my nerves in check until lunchtime. Then, he was there again, helping me get a workout in. Well, he was nagging me to get a workout in, which was precisely what I needed. He even made sure we stopped by the cafeteria for food after our workout. It was everything I needed today. It was so strange to have that kind of support, but I’ll admit it made my day much less stressful than it could have been.
I’m still reeling a bit from our conversation the other week at the diner. He’s the only man with whom I’ve felt comfortable sharing personalaspects of my life. I’ve been a bit emotionally unavailable with men since Kurt. My therapist says it’s a defense mechanism. I’m sure it is, but for the first time, I don’t feel like I need one, which is all Damon. He’s so honest and straightforward. I’ve never had a friendship with a man before, and I find myself enjoying it immensely.
Um, yeah, it’s attraction, girl.
It makes me want to work out with him every day, instead of only when I’m stressed. It would undoubtedly be more fun. And yeah, I did go a little harder in the gym because he was there. I’m also fairly certain I saw him checking me out on the sly. I’m not going to lie, I was one hundred percent checking him out.
Admit it. You were totally trying to impress him.
My inner voice is a jerk, and I’m ignoring her.
Finally, it’s almost four. Go time. I take a deep breath and gather my things for the meeting. Damon appears as I’m headed for the door.
“Want to head in together, boss?” He smiles and gestures down the hall. It’s sweet. He hasn’t mentioned anything about our diner conversation, but he’s been entirely professional yet attentive. I’ve never had this kind of support, and it feels incredible. For the first time, I’m heading into a confrontation with a man, and I feel safe. That’s a huge win in my book. We make a damn fine team.
You’d make a great team outside of the office, too.
Nope, not even going there right now, not even in my head.
We arrive at the conference room a little early, but Bill isn’t there yet. I’ve already asked security to stay by the elevator until they see him heading this way. They’ll lock his office and bring his laptop to our IT guys. I instructed them to hang around near the conference room until we’re done with the meeting, just in case. I’m hoping he won’t notice them, but at this point, it doesn’t matter if he does.
Damon and I set up at one end of the table, leaving the other side for Bill. A few minutes later, our HR representative, Debra, comes in and sits to my right. We haven’t talked much, and she’s been a bit unfriendly, but I’m ignoring it today. That’s Jacob’s department to deal with. We’re as ready as we’ll ever be.
Bill shows up a few minutes late, complaining as he walks through the door. Typical Bill.
