Her last comment has her looking a bit too smug. Crap, now we’re back to my life again.
Quick, divert, divert! Change the subject.
“I am. I didn’t expect to enjoy this as much as I am, especially at my age, but as you mentioned, it’s both exciting and terrifying. What about you? Are you seeing anyone? Whatever happened with that guy from the gym?”
Sometimes, the best defense is a good offense. She raises a brow but answers my question anyway.
“Ugh, no, not dating right now. No time these days. That guy from the gym turned out to be way more into himself than into me, so nothing to talk about there. I’ve decided I need to focus on my career right now. Plenty of time for a relationship later.” She shrugs, clearly unaffected by Gym Guy’s exit from her life.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out, honey.” I smile sympathetically.
“Oh, don’t be, Jos. We still have a good friends-with-benefits thing going. His personality isn’t great, but his tongue and dick are perfect.” Her grin is devilish. “I’m definitely going to keep him around for that. We just aren’t going to do the relationship thing.”
I raise my eyebrows at her attempt to shock me. She smirks, clearly unrepentant. I’ve heard similar things from these ladies before. I’m more circumspect personally, but to each their own. They’re so free and comfortable with their sexuality, and it’s a beautiful thing, although it makes my heart ache for my younger self.
I was raised by parents who never spoke much about sex, much less advocated for having it. Unfortunately, my naiveté left me woefully unprepared for the marriage bed. Yeah, that was an eye-opener. I vowed never to let that happen to my own children. I intentionally raised them both much differently. I made sure they went out into the world prepared, informed, and with as much self-esteem as I could instill in them. I must not have done too poorly since they are both confident and capable adults. I’m prouder of them than they’ll ever know. It almost makes up for the lack of support I had growing up.
It’s humorous how they try to embarrass me by discussing their sex lives, but I’m onto their tactics. I may not discuss it often, but I’m entirely aware. Although I’m not sure I’m quite hip to the current slang. Actually, I’m not sure hip is even a word these days. What is it my son says? Something with an R. Razzle… rizzle… oh yeah, rizz. Apparently, it means you have good luck with the opposite sex, as in dating. I have no rizz, according to my kids, which isn’t surprising. I’m painfully aware that I lack any finesse with men, but I don’t see it as a bad thing at this point in my life.
“Well, good for you,” I respond with a genuine smile.
Drea laughs and gives me a one-armed hug. “Good grief, Jos, we have got to get you out more often,” she teases.
“Hah. You should have met my mom. ‘Closed off’ was the least of her problems. Compared to her, my life is wonderful, thank you very much. Besides, a man is the last thing I need right now. I hardly have enough time as it is with all the work I’m doing for the team.”
“Oooh, that’s what you need. A workplace romance. All those late nights have to be good for something. What about that Damon guy you hired? I looked him up. He’s a silver fox, for sure. I’d totally do him. What about you, Lainy? Would you do him?” I open my mouth to object, but I’m too late. The whole “do him” discussion commences despite my protests.
“Do who? Who are we doing?” If there is a sex conversation, Lainy’s there for it.
“Jos’s new guy, the silver fox hottie. Would you do him? I mean, if you weren’t already married and all that nonsense.” Drea’s single-minded pursuit of this is disconcerting. “Check out his picture. Hot, right?” Drea hands Lainy her phone, which has his picture already pulled up. This clearly isn’t her first time looking at his picture, which means that Lily told her about my comment at happy hour last week. Why do I find that so annoying?
Lainy smirks while continuing to pester me. “Oh my! Yes. I’d hit that for sure. But you know me, I already have a weakness for hockey players. Especially blue-eyed hockey players. Goodness, are those his real eyes? Maybe he wears contacts.” She looks at me for confirmation as she takes another large sip of her cocktail. “Well?”
“No, he’s not ‘my’ new guy. He’s my employee, and yes,” I reply, “those are, in fact, his real eyes, and yes, they are incredibly stunning in person. Happy now?” I stare her down, hoping to be done with this conversation, but she’s undeterred.
“Oh, not nearly happy enough.” Her smile is smug. “If you were banging him on your desk on the daily, I’d be happy. How long has it been anyway? I feel like you need some serious banging in your life.” She arches a perfectly formed blonde eyebrow at me. Before I can respond, my daughter cuts in, answering for me.
“Well, it hasn’t been recent, that’s for sure. I bought her a vibe for Christmas, and it’s still in the box in her closet. Come on, Mom, live a little, will ya? At least get it out of the box.”
“Oh my god, what were you doing snooping in my things? Jesus, Lils, no privacy with you.” My face heats up with embarrassment, and all I can think about is last night in my tub. Absolutely not sharing that with the group.
“I needed a pair of black heels for that charity thing a few weeks ago, and you know we’re the same size. It’s no fun having all those shoes if you don’t share.” She eyes me mischievously.
“You know I’ll always share my shoes, honey. However, let’s keep my sex life a bit quieter.” I’m blushing fiercely because I’m uncomfortable talking about this. It’s not the topic so much as me being the subject. It’s easier to listen to them talk about their issues than discuss my own. Besides, they are much more knowledgeable than I was at their age. Of course, now we have Urban Dictionary. Oh yeah, finding that was shockingly informative.
“Okay, fine,” I admit. “It’s officially been a while. Maybe even years.”
I cringe because I’m afraid of what they might say, and it’s a hard thing to admit, but my bestie’s are my squad for a reason. They see my very real pain underneath it all, and they stop teasing.
Lainy says quietly, “Don’t you think it’s time to change that, Jos? I’d hate for you to miss out on having something amazing in your life because of that jerk.” She rubs my arm in sympathy, but I don’t want them to feel sorry for me. My life is currently quite peaceful.
“Look, I get that you all have varied and active sex lives, but that’s simply not where I’m at in my life. To be honest, sex has never been great for me, so I’ve never cared much for it. I don’t miss it. I mean, it’s probably just me—maybe I’m not a sexual person.” I shrug my shoulders, pretendingthat it doesn’t matter to me that no one I’ve been with has ever put in the effort to make it an enjoyable experience for me.
“Oh, no, honey! I don’t think it’s you at all. If it hasn’t been great for you, then you’ve been with the wrong guys. The right guy will make your whole world spin on its axis. Trust me.” Lainy smirks.
“Yes, yes. We all know Scott’s incredible in bed,” I respond as we all chuckle. Lainy has informed us all of his sexual prowess regularly and in great detail.
“Look, it doesn’t matter at this point because I don’t want to date right now, and I’m absolutely not going to get involved with an employee. So, I guess my world will have to tilt some other time. Can’t we dissect someone else’s sex life now? Please, ladies?”
